Owl Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 If your H is this bad...why don't you leave him/file for divorce NOW...instead of building a relationship with OM/MM? End your first relationship before you get further into the new one?
twice_shy Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 (edited) I'm sitting here re-hashing my short term (3 mo.) A with a MM. I just keep kicking myself because I believed him. Just to vent, I hope you don't mind that I list some of them here. Can anyone relate? "I love you." lust is not love, but I'm sure he thinks so. "You are amazing" buttering that bread "You satisfy my soul" :sick::sick: his loins more like it. His soul is being prepared for heaven or hell. I don't think this is proper preparation for that soul if he wants to take the escalator up. "My W and I don't belong together." And he isn't getting a divorce because?????? "It's been over for a long time." And he isn't getting a divorce because?????? "I can never leave my kids." So its just best to cheat on their mother. So I guess this just answered my last 2 questions. "I've never been this happy." Always is happy when its fresh and new. "I want to be with YOU." Yet he won't leave his kids. hmmmm. "The timing just isn't right." isn't right for what? I thought he said he isn't going to leave his kids. maybe he is waiting til they are 18? Oh, what a stand up guy. Let his wife stay in the marriage until years later, thus wasting years of her life that she will never get back? If that is the case, sounds like a selfish ahole to me. "I can't end my M because of an A. It's not meant to be and, in time, she'll see that." Ah, so he wants the M to fail because of HER?? This man is no man at all, has no cahones, and wants to push the responsibility off on someone else. Again, what a stand up guy. "You are so beautiful." Whats he gonna say? "You are so-so looking, but you'll do" ? "If I leave, she'll never let me see my kids." Well ya can't blame anyone for feeling that way, but as long as he is paying support, he isn't a threat to his children, then it doesn't matter how worthless he is, she CANNOT keep his kids from him. "I don't want my kids to call another man Dad." LOL!!!! This one is priceless. "You and I are meant to be." So now I am back to the question, and he isn't getting a divorce because????? "My parents/friends/kids would LOVE you." I dunno about the friends or the kids part. As a friend, I wouldn't have much respect for someone that is cheating on their spouse. And as far as the kids, oh they may like you. But I know kids that won't speak to a cheating parent. Some kids realize that one parent completely hurt the other parent the the kids adore and will not forgive that. "I meant every word I ever said to you." If he did, he'd be divorced right now. Edited February 15, 2008 by twice_shy
twice_shy Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 oh, don't take my post as a bash on you. I'm just highlighting what I believe to really be going on in their heads. If women think their MM is an alright guy and trustworthy, then he wouldn't be a cheater.
Author OliveJuice Posted February 17, 2008 Author Posted February 17, 2008 You're exactly right, Twice Shy. It's easier, when you step back and look at the logistics of the situation, to see how gullible one can be for falling for those lines. I wish I didn't have to work with him every day. Even though I'm trying to be friends with him, he has a tendancy to tell me about "how things are going". Like, they are going to start marriage counseling on Monday, etc. (Oh, but of course, he doesn't want to but she's insisting...blah blah.) I don't want to hear it!! He says stuff like that, but still makes it clear through his actions that he's done with me. As far as "he's only staying for his kids"...I tried telling him that she can't keep his kids from him and all that...but, I'm smart enough to know that that is just his convienient excuse. How can I argue about his kids without sounding like a heartless bitch? I can't. So, I'm done. He's made his choise. Lyssa, Thank you for sharing your experience with your emotionally abusive ex. I'm sure that took a toll on your self esteem. I'm glad you were able to see what he was doing to you. The reason I haven't filed for a divorce? Because it's not all bad with my husband. He is a great guy...really. He's hard working and would do anything for anyone. It's very difficult to let go of that side of him. He can be mean, but I do love him. I just think I'm not IN LOVE with him. I lost that a long time ago. I know that romance fades over time. I try to tell myself that's what it is. I'm going to go to IC to figure out what's going on in my head and in my heart. Hopefully, it'll lead me in the right direction. "I'm always careful...as I don't want to make the wrong mistake". haha.
Lookingforward Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 and let's not forget the ever popular "no-one else has ever made me feel this way" grrrrrrrrrrrrr
plumtree Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 Or my personal favourites: "No-one will ever love you as much as I do." "I never knew sex could be this good." "I didn't realise how unhappy my marriage was until I met you." And when I broke it off: "Do you really want to start all over again at your age?" (I'm 36)
OpenBook Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 Or my personal favourites: "No-one will ever love you as much as I do." ... And when I broke it off: "Do you really want to start all over again at your age?" (I'm 36) Sounds like this guy had control issues. My exH did. He told me the same things when we split. I'm glad I didn't believe him. We'd both be dead or in straitjackets by now if we had stayed together.
plumtree Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 Yep he sure LOVED to manipulate me. He was a great actor as well as a liar - always able to summon up the tears when he knew I'd had enough and knew exactly what to say to make me think twice about dumping him. And he did the same to his W when she finally found out about the A - maniuplating her into not throwing him out by saying he'd tried to break it off with me but that I was emotionally blackmailing him into staying in the A. In reality I'd given him the elbow a month earlier. Sad thing is I am beginning to believe what he said about starting again at the age of 36. Are there even any good single guys left??
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