LOVE DAISIES Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 How many AP's were able to end their affair cold turkey and without telling their AP? Did you stick to it? I am attempting to end an EA, and already feeling that empty void. Help.
nadiaj2727 Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 I'm not sure I understand your question-- I don't know how you would end the affair without telling the affair partner it's over. You mean just don't talk to him anymore and ignore his attempts to talk to you?
Author LOVE DAISIES Posted February 13, 2008 Author Posted February 13, 2008 Basically yes. Cut it off altogether. Everytime I talk to him about ending it I always get sucked back in because he always tells me how he doesn't want me to....but it will go on indefinetely. His wife is having a baby in a couple months. It is just too much for me now.
juliegeraci Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 Hi Daisie, I didn't send a formal NC letter to him. I talked to him 2 weeks ago and we talked about how important it was for me to be with my husband and family so it was a baseline understanding. For me I really believe my husband is the best fit for this time of my life. Doesn't make it any easier.
Author LOVE DAISIES Posted February 13, 2008 Author Posted February 13, 2008 Julie I am glad you found the strength to do what is right for you. I hope you and I can come out of this stronger and better.Hang in there.... I'm here for you.
Author LOVE DAISIES Posted February 13, 2008 Author Posted February 13, 2008 I just got an email in my inbox from him. He has no idea I am ending it. I haven't opened it because he will know if I read it. (it says if it's been read). The subject line reads: Hey! Hope you're having a great day! He usually emails me when he knows I am either pulling away or he's feeling guilty. I know if I open it I am only going to get sucked back in. So I won't. I thought of blocking him...but truthfully that's givng him too much power over me. No for once I want him to wonder when of IF he will hear from me. Or worry because it's been days since he's heard from me. He has never HAD to because I am always THERE. No more. I have had enough..
LakesideDream Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 Daisies, You must be in agony. I CAN imagine the feelings you are going through. I don't remember any of your other posts so I don't know the back story however I do believe that you must do what you think is best. The man will survive (is he married?), nearly all of us survive chaotic situations. It's your decision to make. I'm thinking good thoughts.
JessieT Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 Blocking him doesn't give him power, it gives you no contact. The thing is, you want to end it but I'm not sure you're emotionally ready. It often feels like he still cares when an email shows up, it gives you hope. By blocking his email you're giving up the hope and the contact which is what is healthy and what you want in your head, it's just your heart screaming and yelling NO! You recognize that he's trying to pull you back in because he feels you withdrawing. It's good to recognize that. Use it. You could write him back and tell him that it's over and then block his email. Or you could not write him back at all. Either way he's going to keep trying for awhile and the easiest way to be strong is to not see it. I feel your pain, I just did this same thing a little bit ago. And I still check my email hoping to see something from him, even though it's impossible. Good luck and you can do it, if it's what you want.
Author LOVE DAISIES Posted February 13, 2008 Author Posted February 13, 2008 Thank you LD. Yes, he is married. I have another thread on here with the background. It is not easy, but I am determined to make it stick once and for all... on my terms. I appreciate your kind words.
Author LOVE DAISIES Posted February 13, 2008 Author Posted February 13, 2008 Jessie, you make an excellent point. I COULD block him..but I guess in a way knowing he is contacting me makes me feel good because I DON'T have to do anything about it. It makes me think about ALL those times I couldn't call HIM...when I was dying to talk to him. Me not even opening his email is actually more empowering because it's there...but so what?? I guess it's a mind over matter thing for me.So for once HE can wait ...and wait.....and wait......and wait.....
juliegeraci Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 Daisie, you are doing so good girlfriend! Hang in there. It gets a little easier every day. Day 14 for me.
JessieT Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 Yeah, that is a good feeling isn't it. As long as you stay strong! Good luck and I'm rooting for you!
IM5150 Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 Ignoring him is not cool. If you want to end the affair brave up to it and tell him you want it to be over. Your playing games right now and that's childish. I think your afraid of telling him that it's over and him saying "OK" and never contacting you again. That's your fear. Your holding on to the fact that he's tyring to contact you but doesn't know it's over and that makes you feel good but you know what will happen? He'll leave yo alone and then you'll regret it because there was no "closure". Mark my words.
Elena62 Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Ignoring him is not cool. If you want to end the affair brave up to it and tell him you want it to be over. Your playing games right now and that's childish. I think your afraid of telling him that it's over and him saying "OK" and never contacting you again. That's your fear. Your holding on to the fact that he's tyring to contact you but doesn't know it's over and that makes you feel good but you know what will happen? He'll leave yo alone and then you'll regret it because there was no "closure". Mark my words. I'm sorry but I don't agree with you. She doesn't need to explain anything to anyone. She just needs to get away from the situation and she's dealing with it in her way. For anyone to gain closure there are other methods than contacting the person. One can quite easily write a letter and then burn it. I say going NC and cold turkey is very difficult. For some, it's all about doing the right thing all round in that instant. Endings are never easy.
juliegeraci Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I went cold turkey 2 weeks ago and there hasn't been any contact so I am happy with that. I didn't have to write a letter, I didn't have to call. It is what it is and I feel fine with that.
Elena62 Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I went cold turkey 2 weeks ago and there hasn't been any contact so I am happy with that. I didn't have to write a letter, I didn't have to call. It is what it is and I feel fine with that. I don't mean to show any disrespect to your situation Julie, but you're getting love and support from your husband which will enable and help your recovery process. Still, your situation must be tough, too! Anyway, with support or without it -- endings are difficult!
juliegeraci Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 That is very true Elena. It is easier when you have someone to lean on. I told Daisie in an earlier post (another thread) that she needs to meet some new friends or online friends to fill the void. Having support around you can really help, especially those who have been there.
Author LOVE DAISIES Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 Thank you Julie.....and to the other poster who said I am "playing games"....my question to you is what is this MM doing then? Why do I owe him anything?? He is married to ANOTHER woman. Is HE sincere? Is HE fair? I owe him NOTHING.........absolutely NOTHING.So please don't judge my actions.
juliegeraci Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Good job Daisie, being angry is a good start for NC. It sure helps when you see the games they play. Congrats on going another day. Keep us posted.
Ms. Red Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 How many AP's were able to end their affair cold turkey and without telling their AP? Did you stick to it? I am attempting to end an EA, and already feeling that empty void. Help. I did it. But I got mad at the MM for a reason un-related to our A. He was a part of a group of friends & he screwed over a friend I would die for. I got mad & quite calling, texting, e-mailing & it didn't take him long to realize what he sent me was being ignored. So, he quite sending. I don't know if that counts because that's the way I am. If some one pisses me off with something unforgivable I dump them & never look back. Daisy, you sound strong I hope you stay that way. I have seen posters have weak moments during cold turkey NC. If you feel that creeping on, log on here first & tell us all about it & we will smack U down with some LS love
Author LOVE DAISIES Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 Ms Red......thank you SO much for that message!!!!! I am not normally the cold hearted person.........but I can be when I am FED UP.I think I am pretty much DONE. It's weird........because, I can tolerate a LOT. But once I am done..I am DONE. And like you........there is NO looking back.But it takes a lot for me to get to that point. I PROMISE I will keep you all posted. ILOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!
9Lives Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I just got an email in my inbox from him. He has no idea I am ending it. I haven't opened it because he will know if I read it. (it says if it's been read). The subject line reads: Hey! Hope you're having a great day! He usually emails me when he knows I am either pulling away or he's feeling guilty. I know if I open it I am only going to get sucked back in. So I won't. I thought of blocking him...but truthfully that's givng him too much power over me. No for once I want him to wonder when of IF he will hear from me. Or worry because it's been days since he's heard from me. He has never HAD to because I am always THERE. No more. I have had enough.. He will go crazy if you ignore him and rightfully so. You can just open it and and say...it is over. I cant do this anymore. But be ready for the emotions that will follow. It is not a easy walk. It would be easier if you hate him or something but you dont. I hate my mm. I say hate but I really dont. I just cant stand him so much right now for many reason. I dont want to hear his voice. I dont want to see him, touch him, talk to him. I cant stand him. I dont want anything to do with him but I do have these miss you stupid feelings. :mad::mad:
Lyssa Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 L_D, you said you're done so keep it that way! You can quit if you put your mind into it. It'll be hard, going NC is not easy - cold turkey or not but do it because in the long run, it will make you feel better and you deserve that feeling. Stay strong! [[hugs]]
LadyDi Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I still think a simple "it's over, please don't contact me anymore" would be the thing to do. I know, not popular, but it's my opinion. Closure is important.
juliegeraci Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Daisie, how are you doing today? Has he tried to contact you again?
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