what does "go out for coffee" mean to you?

[sstc123]

Hello, I've got a question for the ladies so here's the situation:

 

There's a friendly & pretty bank teller at the bank that I see a few days a week but I get to talk

to her only once in a while.. maybe a 3-4 times a month.

 

Well I mustered up enough courage and I asked her out for coffee and she said yes

 

Her words were: "I'd love to go out to coffee with you. I'm always up for meeting new friends."

 

I'm interested in her and I'd like to get to know her even if it's just as friends. But

I don't even know if she has a boyfriend or not. So I was just wondering how the ladies interpret this?

 

If a guy you're familiar with but don't know very well asks you out for coffee,

would you assume he's interested or just wants to be friends? Would you say yes

if you had a boyfriend or at least mention him?

 

I'm trying to figure out if she's actually interested or just wants to be friends.

 

 

Thanks!

[Trialbyfire]

Bank teller to customer, I would say she's interested. If the two of you were coworkers, my interpretation would be different.

[melodymatters]

Hmmm, if I HAD a boyfriend, I would have mentioned him. Also, I probably wouldn't go out for coffee with someone that I barely knew UNLESS I was somewhat interested in him. A co-woker or something, sure, but a customer ?

 

I am as stumped as you. Hope my insight helped a tiny bit !

[Lizzie60]

methink she has no boyfriend and she's interested...

[Pyro]

Sorry, not a female here, but I still would like to chime in.

 

Sounds like she is only looking for a friendship with you. If she has a BF already, she should have told you. I have never had a woman tell me that she was up for meeting new friends after I asked her out.

[Lizzie60]

Sorry, not a female here, but I still would like to chime in.

 

Sounds like she is only looking for a friendship with you. If she has a BF already, she should have told you. I have never had a woman tell me that she was up for meeting new friends after I asked her out.

 

Well this was not a 'formal asking out for a date' sort of thing... it was more of a coffee thing which is not really a 'date' .

 

It was kind of awkward so ... I think there is nothing wrong with saying that she's up to meeting new friends.

[LucreziaBorgia]

IMO, "Go out for coffee" = "getting to know someone to decide if you want to go on a real date with them"

[Art_Critic]

Bank teller to customer, I would say she's interested.

 

I agree.. ..

[Pyro]

Well this was not a 'formal asking out for a date' sort of thing... it was more of a coffee thing which is not really a 'date' .

 

It was kind of awkward so ... I think there is nothing wrong with saying that she's up to meeting new friends.

 

I don't know. By now, females should know that if a guy is going to ask a gal to hang out, then he is not looking for a friend.

 

I guess we will have to wait and see what happens.

[oppath]

I don't know. By now, females should know that if a guy is going to ask a gal to hang out, then he is not looking for a friend.

 

I guess we will have to wait and see what happens.

 

I agree with this, unless you've developed the friendship over time through work or friends of friends or on a softball team, for example.

 

But if someone you barely know asks you to hang out, it means the guy is interested in more the friends.

 

To the OP: I'd say that she is interested in getting to know you to decide if she'd like an actual date with you. "Just friends" in this context, to me it means "casual, I don't know you." If you want it to be a date, it's a date. Flirt. Create a fun vibe. Lean it towards the sexual end of the spectrum even, which does not mean talk about sex, but it means when she demonstrates value in some away, such as says something insightful, you say "one of the things that attracts me to you is that you are so insightful." Treat it as a date if you want it to be a date. That does not mean stick your tongue down her throat but she should know you wouldn't have asked her if she was not interested.

[EYECANDY000]

If someone asks me out for coffee , yes I would assume that he is interested . With that said I wouldnt go unless I made it clear that I have a b/f and its only platonic.

[Pyro]

To the OP: I'd say that she is interested in getting to know you to decide if she'd like an actual date with you. "Just friends" in this context, to me it means "casual, I don't know you." If you want it to be a date, it's a date. Flirt. Create a fun vibe. Lean it towards the sexual end of the spectrum even, which does not mean talk about sex, but it means when she demonstrates value in some away, such as says something insightful, you say "one of the things that attracts me to you is that you are so insightful." Treat it as a date if you want it to be a date. That does not mean stick your tongue down her throat but she should know you wouldn't have asked her if she was not interested.

 

This is always a possibility but I have never heard of anyone saying that they could always use another friend when in fact the get together is sort of a test to see if she wants to date him.

[melodymatters]

I say that, when I'm unsure if there is BF potential but want to check it out and have the "friend" back door if there isn't.

 

Make sense ?

[johan]

It's not often that I find it necessary to advise someone to take along condoms to the coffee shop. In this case, I'd say it wouldn't hurt to do so.

[Dumbledore]

She's got it bad. Maybe even sex on the first date. Let's face it - she was very, very enthusiastic! The "meeting new friends" thing is a reference to a threesome.

 

Don't worry, she's single. She would have definitely made it clear, otherwise. Good luck!!!!!

[Replicant]

Dude, by the way that played out in the bank. She's going to be looking for another type of deposit from you

[sstc123]

Thanks for the input everybody.

 

For me, I would think asking someone out for coffee was an indication to the girl that you're interested

so if she does have a boyfriend she would say something like "sorry I have a boyfriend" but then if she is

interested and single wouldn't you just stop at "I'd love to go out to coffee with you" and NOT add

"I'm always up for meeting new friends"?

 

We've 'known' each other for about 6 months and some of the other tellers and staff have known me

for 2-3 years. Maybe she's too nice to say no or maybe she feels pressured to say yes?

 

I don't want to go into it thinking it's a 'date' outing while she thinks it's a 'friends' outing or vice versa.

[Pyro]

but then if she is

interested and single wouldn't you just stop at "I'd love to go out to coffee with you" and NOT add

"I'm always up for meeting new friends"?

 

We've 'known' each other for about 6 months and some of the other tellers and staff have known me

for 2-3 years. Maybe she's too nice to say no or maybe she feels pressured to say yes?

 

I don't want to go into it thinking it's a 'date' outing while she thinks it's a 'friends' outing or vice versa.

 

The friends part is what confuses me, so be sure to give us an update.

 

Since you asked her at work and right on the spot, maybe she did feel pressured.

 

You should be able to tell hopefully. If she asks you alot about yourself, then that is a good chance that she is interested in you, but if she tends to keep the conversation about herself and/or the bank, then she is probably not interested.

[johan]

I don't want to go into it thinking it's a 'date' outing while she thinks it's a 'friends' outing or vice versa.

 

That's probably appropriate. But I actually recommend you just stop thinking about it altogether. Go with no expectations, regardless of what you (or we) think she thinks, except that you'll relax and have a good time and let things take their course.

[Cobra_X30]

That's probably appropriate. But I actually recommend you just stop thinking about it altogether. Go with no expectations, regardless of what you (or we) think she thinks, except that you'll relax and have a good time and let things take their course.

 

Johan, what you just said sounds like a fortune cookie!

 

So I mentally added the words ... "in bed" to the end. Better advice I think!

[johan]

Johan, what you just said sounds like a fortune cookie!

 

So I mentally added the words ... "in bed" to the end. Better advice I think!

 

That's what I meant anyway. So thanks for helping me out.

[Cobra_X30]

That's what I meant anyway. So thanks for helping me out.

 

LOL... You rock Johan!

[directx]

I think going out for coffee is a good start. if she wasn't interested, i don't think she would have agreed.

But she also might just be thinking friends.

Either way, i would just be myself and see if you guys click.

 

You can always ask her again.

 

Good luck! Let us know how it works out!

[sstc123]

Ok, well I found out what she meant... unfortunately it's not what I had hoped.

 

I emailed her suggesting a day and place and she replied that she had

a prior engagement involving her boyfriend (bday of her bf's mom)...

 

Oh well, it's too bad but I don't feel too bad because I know I would have felt

worse with the regret of never letting her know I was interested.

 

In her reply she asked if we could go another day. So again, I'm asking for

some input: Does she actually want to go or is she just being polite?

 

How do I reply? Should I mention it's too bad she has a bf and just

suggest another day or do something else?

 

I would think if she didn't want to meet up at all she would have said "Sorry

I have a boyfriend" and leave it at that in the first place. But if she felt

pressured to say "Yes" or is just being polite then I don't see any point in

meeting.

 

Note that I genuinely think she's a cool person and wouldn't mind being

friends. All of my friends are school related, friends of friends, etc

so I wouldn't mind a new network but this situation is new & strange so I'm

not sure how to proceed.

 

Thanks!

[Pyro]

Sorry it didn't work out in your favor.

 

She is throwing the ball in your court and is leaving the decision up to you. If you agree to meet up again, then to her you do want her just as a friend.