misnsun Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 Will try to summarize but need some advice. Was an acquaintance to a guy for 12 years but he was married. His wife cheated on him and left him a year ago, Super Bowl Sunday - just a few days before his birthday. Over the summer he dated a "friend" and it didn't work out. A friend finally set us up in October and things have just been great. He is involved in a few different sports and has always requested me to be there with him at his side. A week ago he told me, not asked but told me he was going out with some friends to celebrate another birthday. He ignored texts/calls from me that evening. Finally stopped by after bar time and screamed at me that I didn't trust him - even though I do. Tried to tell him I was upset with the fact that he didn't take my feelings into consideration, didn't even ask if I wanted to go out and he said, "There are sometimes I just need to go out by myself." Ended up leaving but apologizing first thing next morning. Planned a huge surprise for his birthday, rented a limo, went out for a nice dinner and had his best friends show up on Saturday night. He was shocked and thanked me and told me how much he loved me and how this birthday was so much better than last year's. He spent Sat night at my house & we made love. Woke up Sunday morning and had sex a couple more times. Brought him back to his house and then we went out to the bar Sun evening because he had league. I had to leave before the end of league and asked if he was coming over. He told me he would be over after stopping at home bar and having courtesy drink. Hour went by and I sent him text asking if he was still coming over or not. Replied - playing dice. Told him he hadn't answered my question, he replied - when I'm done. Another 2 hours passed and I sent another text, are you still planning on coming over? Response - not sure. Called and he said he didn't know what to say he was out and he was having a good time. He said he didn't know what to tell me. I got irritated and sent him a couple more texts that he totally ignored. Called and he didn't answer phone. Finally sent him text saying, Tired of not meaning jack to you when you go out by yourself, since you have such a good time when I'm not around, I think we should make it permanent. U were the one that said it, u didn't know what to say so don't bother texting me tomorrow to say you're sorry because it's not going to matter. I'm done. Spoke to him the next morning and asked him why he told me he was coming over if he had no intention of coming over. He said because I was having fun. Asked him if he stayed at bar because "friend" was there, told me that was part of the reason. Ended conversation and then sent text asking him if he slept with her. Yes was his reply. Got a text at lunch saying, I'm trully sorry. Didn't respond until this morning and asked why he sent the text, he said because he f---ed up. Asked him if he had regrets - he said yes he did! He stopped by after work and we talked. I asked why? He told me he didn't know. Asked me if I remembered sending texts stating we were done/over. Told him I did. He said that's probably why he did it. He apologized again but then said he didn't know what he wanted. He has no clue as to what he wants, if he wants to be alone, he just needs to sit and think about things. Told me he felt smothered and then I asked why he always asks me to go out with him when he shoots league because I've told him repeatedly that I didn't want to go & he says - because when I'm out I like you to be there with me. Told me he feels like crap and hasn't eaten in two days. He left and I thanked him for stopping by because it seemed to ease a little of the pain and he said - you are welcome. Told me he would talk to me later. I know he's been completely faithful to me over the past few months and I know I told him it was over...I'm done but does that really give him a reason to go sleep with the "friend" within a matter of hours? I know he feels guilty and feels like crap - is there anything I could say or do to alleviate some of that? Is he pulling away because guys go to their caves to deal with conflict? Do I contact him or just wait for him to come around? If he does come around, would I be stupid for giving him another chance? Besides this incident, we've gotten along wonderfully and have had a great time. The guy that set us up is in complete disbelief because he told me that everytime he asks "guy" how things are going he's always responded that he loves me, he has a great time with me and enjoys being with me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Little Shy Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 Oh Boy... I my opinion, this whole situation is just wrong on so many levels. I think you really tripped out when you called & texted him so many times after you left the bar that night in question. In my opinion, if you decide to leave a party or bar seperate from someone you are dating (unless it is a long time boyfriend) you should end your night there. Was the night previous to that the first time you slept with him, on his birthday? First off, you made a huge effort for his birthday which clearly showed him how much you care for him & are willing to do for him, punctuated by the first time you had sex with him. Then, the next night you completely trip on him, and lose it because you wanted to leave the party early & were expecting him to return home to you like a dutiful husband? He sounds like the type that is so confused by what he wants (he stated this), and if you are so available for him, and waiting for him as you have clearly demonstrated that you are, he is just going to suck you dry & take you & have you whenever he wants. Then when he wants to play with his friends, or ex girlfriends, he will do so with absolutely no regard to your feelings. He sounds like a jerk who needs more time to get over his recent relationship. That being said, if I was dating a guy for a few months, and we just slept together, and he decided to leave a party or bar that we attended together on his own accord, then he called & texted me all night wondering if I was coming over, I'd probably just stop answering the phone. Now he has supposedly slept with his ex, the night after he slept with you. He said it was because you said you were through with him? That sounds very convenient. I can't say this looks like it is going anywhere good. I would cut your loses and move on, it sounds like he has very little respect for you.
Woggle Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 He still isn't over his ex wife cheating on him and leaving him. It has nothing to do with you but he is dragging that dramas into this situation. The decent thing for him to do would be to explain that he is still not over it and that maybe that is best that he doesn't see you because he is in no shape to handle another relationship right now.
Author misnsun Posted February 13, 2008 Author Posted February 13, 2008 In my opinion, if you decide to leave a party or bar seperate from someone you are dating (unless it is a long time boyfriend) you should end your night there. Was the night previous to that the first time you slept with him, on his birthday? I had to leave because I am a single mother and my arrangements with my child's father required me to leave early and he was aware of the situation. I have had to leave early several times to come home and be a mom and he always comes over afterwards. The previous night was not the first night we slept together - we have been pretty much from the get go and it has been pretty amazing.
Little Shy Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 Well, I can't relate now. Not at all. The fact that you are a single mother (I don't have kids) certainly makes for a good reason to have to get back home from nights out at bars & parties with him. I just don't know what to say. It's gotta be tough going through stuff like this with a guy when you have a little one who's well being you have to care for above & beyond anything. But, I wouldn't put up with this sort of guy, even if it was only my life he had the potential of tampering with. Do you want to be with a guy this unstable, who shows signs of impulsiveness, jealousy & insecurity with you when he would also be sharing a life with your child too, if he chose to stick around?
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