my first love

[joerhp]

well me and my girlfriend started dating around 16 months ago everything was perfect for about 95 percent of the time she said i yelled to much but she is also super sensitive i admitingly yelled at her a few times but apologized immediately, i always apologized i always bought her flowers, cooked her dinner, listened to her problems etc. anyways in december we started having problems when we were hanging with my friends she said she felt as if i have more fun with them then her and that she has been having problems so she cant give me all i need, well she came back 2 days later and i took her back found out one of her old friends had been hitting on her and they randomly met up in the night we were broken up and he tried to hook up with her but she resisted, the whole principal of hididng something behind my back bothered me but whatever. so january comes and her life is totally overwhelming her parents are upset, she gets really sick, her sister is going to law school basically just totally overwhelmed well that leads us to now

 

on january 25th i go over to her house after she has a minor surgery type thing and bring her cheesecake and went over earlier in the day to calm her down and reassure her everything will be ok. saturday night we are having fun just driving around we went and got dinner went to the mall and came back to my house, well she tried to show me some physical attraction which is rare from her and i did not take the cue i guess and my parents were home so i did not act on it, she left all upset saying that i blew it was not attracted to her etc etc even though typically i am the one doing that cause she is just not a very sexualy driven person. ok. so the 27th i get real sick food posioning and am throwing up all day she comes to see me for a few minutes and buys me a pair of boxers with baseballs on then since i am a baseball player cute little gesture. anyway monday we get back on the sex topic from saturday a dumb move, she says she is just not ready which i accept and that she is religiously inclined not do it....again i accept. but tuesday she just bombards with me we need to take a break and see if we can be friends she needs her space etc etc this is january 29th. Part of it was because a lack of sexual affection from her but the day after we broke up I went to see her an for some reason she was very affectionate to me..strange

 

So assuming we are on a break eventually that changes into a full blown break up around the 1st of february, when she decides to come to my buddies house to drop off something she had for him when i am over...totally awkward situation. the 2nd she texts my friends ex telling me to move on cause i am texting her telling her i love her so much but she has been doing the same thing all day, and earlier that day when I asked if she was happy she began to cry in the middle of lunch. really confused cause this is not like her i text her mom asking if she can talk because i am confused and upset a little worried about her, she says ya for sure and when my ex finds out i texted her mom she totally blew up on me. so i give her the note sunday morning and she gets real upset and says we are going in different paths and that we need to move on k knowing something is not right we meet at the mall later that day and i figure out that its really about college she is afraid as i am a year older than her, and that i was content with going to a community college to play baseball. I tell her that I want to go to a four year school I made this choice a while ago I was just waiting to apply to places, I just didn’t wanna tell her cause I did not know where I was applying. Well she says ok after you apply to schools lemme know and we will talk.

 

I have baseball practice I meet her. It turns out that the ex of my friends that she texted wanted to ask me to a dance, my girlfriend hates her so I text my buddies ex and say its best if you don’t ask me..

 

Well now everything is ****ed up Friday night she drunk dialed me saying she loves me and I was an ******* as I was drunk as well, and so were my friends saying that she hurt me and that we need to leave each other alone, Saturday we were supposed to hang out but I tell her since its my last dance with all my friends I wanna go, so she goes out and parties again which is totally unlike her she never partied while we dated, anyway Saturday afternoon she called me saying that I yelled at her one to many times and that I was a real ass Friday afternoon and that there are people who love her and she doesn’t need me then she ends it with we will be together we just cant be right now.

 

]So Sunday I meet her after my baseball practice and I find out that she has been hanging out with this guy one of her friends introduced her too, and that she is going to dinner with him even though she doesn’t consider it a date, when I tell her I might be going on a date she gets totally upset and I leave and things are a little awkward. She asks for my facebook password and sees I have been talking to girls and gets really upset saying it makes her feel sick to see me hitting on other girls. Monday rolls around and I call her mom asking if she is going to be home Thursday afternoon so I can drop off some flowers for her since its Valentines day and she is going on a trip I wanted to just wish her off, anyway her mom says ya thatd be great well when my ex finds out she flips calls me and says we are cutting off all contact and that I cant call her parents or her family….so now its been one day with no contact.

 

Basically what it comes down to is I feel she still loves me she gets upset when she thinks of me with other girls and even has told me in the last week many times that she does, but she is afraid of commitment and we are in different stages of our lives which we probably are. Anyway I feel she has rationalized her fear with by saying that I yell to much and that we were fighting even though I can only think of maybe 2 times in our whole 16 months that there was actual yelling. So basically my plan is no contact I know she will be coming back to me but today I found out the guy that asked her to dinner is also talking to and has a crush on some other girl so I kind of want to let her know that she is getting into something bad so she can avoid getting hurt..thats what my gut says to do but I think if she realizes it on her own then she will realize how good things were with me, I plan on trying no contact I know she will call me within the week and hopefully when she gets back from her trip we can get dinner or something..i don’t know this was my first love and no matter how many people tell you to get over it it still hurts like hell.