Not doing well..

[Lyssa]

It's been almost 2 months now since I lost my dear mother and it's not getting easier for me. I feel alone. I have my friends but they don't really understand what I am going through. My brothers seem to take it easier - could be because they have their wives to talk to.

 

I find it really hard to let go because I was very close to my late mother. I know I'm saying the same thing as in my other thread but just some things that happened between my brothers and I recently that got me thinking - am I just weak or taking it very hard cause I was always around my mother?

 

I have so many things running through my mind - all at once. I don't even know where to begin to explain my feelings. It's not just about my late mother but other things that I am going through that makes it hard for me to cope. I feel so weak and I've been crying and crying. I would talk to her and it breaks my heart every time I don't hear her voice.

 

I don't know what else to do. I feel so lost.

[Pyro]

You are not weak at all Lyssa. You were very close to your mother, so of course its going to take some time to get use to her not being around.

 

You just hang tough Lyssa, you'll be alright.

 

Sorry I don't have much to say.

[Trimmer]

lyssa -

 

Feeling loss acutely doesn't euqate to weakness, and "getting over" a loss more easily doesn't equate to strength.

 

The loss you feel will be different from your brothers in proportion to both how your relationship with your mother was different from theirs, and in the kind of person you are, relative with them, but it doesn't factor out to "strength" vs. "weakness."

 

I think I am most concerned with your feeling of being alone. Is there truly no one available to you that you can fully trust, lean on, etc? Would one of your friends who you think doesn't understand possibly open up if you really trusted them and showed them how much you are hurting? Is there any way you can get yourself around some support?

 

My local health center sends out their semi-annual flyer and they host seminars and groups... One of them is a support group for those who have lost loved ones to death... (I assume that excludes "my wife left me...", for which I think they have a separate group...) Is there anything like that that you would be comfortable trying out? I think having caring contact with an understanding person or group might be important to you right now... What do you think?

[Star Gazer]

I have no words, Lyssa... just a hug. (((HUG)))

[directx]

How you grieve is how you grieve.

When I lost my father I loved him very much and still do. However, I did not cry as much my brothers and sisters. However, he fought with cancer for a long time so I think I mentally prepared myself that way.

 

But its normal to feel lost, and with time it will get easier. Whenever you lose someone, by death or other absence, time will heal and make it better.

 

I think you may want to find someone you can talk to so you don't feel so alone.

Good luck

[Dumbledore]

Sorry I don't have much to say.

I have no words, Lyssa... just a hug. (((HUG)))

Now I kind of wish I'd said nothing. Oh well...

 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=4Re0WvjyRhM

[Meaplus3]

It's been almost 2 months now since I lost my dear mother and it's not getting easier for me. I feel alone. I have my friends but they don't really understand what I am going through. My brothers seem to take it easier - could be because they have their wives to talk to.

 

I find it really hard to let go because I was very close to my late mother. I know I'm saying the same thing as in my other thread but just some things that happened between my brothers and I recently that got me thinking - am I just weak or taking it very hard cause I was always around my mother?

 

I have so many things running through my mind - all at once. I don't even know where to begin to explain my feelings. It's not just about my late mother but other things that I am going through that makes it hard for me to cope. I feel so weak and I've been crying and crying. I would talk to her and it breaks my heart every time I don't hear her voice.

 

I don't know what else to do. I feel so lost.

 

I'm sorry Lyssa.. this must be very tough. I'm not sure what to say here.. except my thought's are with you. (((((Hug's))))).

 

 

AP:)

[Lyssa]

Pyro - Thank you and it's okay that you don't have much to say. Knowing that you took the time to say something nice helped.

 

Thank you, Trimmer. I feel weak because I always know what to do and now, not knowing what to do makes me feel weak. I have a lot of friends but they are more the type of friends who are there for me when I am in my best moods. They offered their shoulders for me to cry on but when I do take up the offer, they are nowhere to be found. BF is wonderful but he's away at the moment so that's another thing.

 

I'm not sure if we have something like a support system here - on second thought, I'm sure there is but I have never come across any. Sometimes it's not really about wanting to hear good things but just to have someone to talk to. Someone that knows me and I know her/him.

 

Last week, my grandaunt was admitted in the ER and I accompanied my father to visit her. It took a lot of whatever that's left in me to walk through the hospital. We had to wait and it brought back painful memories that I had of the time when we were at the hospital waiting for my late mother. I called a good friend of mine.. I told her how I feel and she said "well, bad memories are good as well.. oh I am so excited about my BF visiting!!" - okay.

 

I just decided not to talk to anyone after that!

[Trimmer]

lyssa -

 

This won't completely substitute for finding a live human being to be around, but for now, would you share a story of your mom with us? Something that's a fond memory, personal to you and your relationship with her... Something big, something little, something mundane, doesn't matter.

 

Sometimes we hide from our memories thinking that will help it all go away, but I think we need to share them, feel them, remember them, and appreciate them and this, better than storing them away, helps us begin to mourn their loss.

 

If you don't want to do it publicly, will you PM me something?

[Lyssa]

I know I can count on you to make me laugh, Dumbledore. I have a bit of her in me (I would like to think so ) - she was one helluva strong woman! Thanks, I think maybe a break or yeah... drugs!

 

Thank you for the vclip!

 

SGazer, thank you! Hugs are good at a time like this. [[[hugs]]]

 

I'm sorry for your loss, Directx. It was so sudden for us all. No indications whatsoever so that made it really hard for all of us and I'm sure it is still hard for the rest of us but in some ways, I wish I had it easy - and I don't mean if I had it easy I would forget my late mother because that is really impossible.

 

I think the fact I wasn't prepared for what had happened that is taking a toll on me.

 

AP, thanks! Hugs back to you

[Lyssa]

lyssa -

 

This won't completely substitute for finding a live human being to be around, but for now, would you share a story of your mom with us? Something that's a fond memory, personal to you and your relationship with her... Something big, something little, something mundane, doesn't matter.

 

Trimmer, I realised that posting here helps. On top of that, hearing what others have to say about their mothers or even fathers really helps. It would be nice to share stories/memories with one another. Does not matter if a parent is still alive or not - I believe it would make me feel better.

 

Well, at the moment - I remember something funny. My late mother just came out of the shower so she had her towel around her. My niece was dancing or just prancing around and we were laughing at my niece. Then all of a sudden, the towel came off my mother! What made us laughed even harder was how fast she pulled the towel up - it was SO fast. We laughed for a long time.

 

I don't know why I have that in my head now. I think from reading a thread on embarrassing stories last night.

[Lyssa]

I'm really not coping well right now.

 

I do talk to her - loudly. I know she can hear me - maybe not but I talked anyway. My evening at work just turned for the worse and everything is just wrong at the moment. At times like these, I wish I could go home and talk to my mother.

[sandflea]

I'm really not coping well right now.

 

I do talk to her - loudly. I know she can hear me - maybe not but I talked anyway. My evening at work just turned for the worse and everything is just wrong at the moment. At times like these, I wish I could go home and talk to my mother.

 

Of COURSE she can hear you lyssa. I'm sure if she could she'd give you the biggest hug in the world, hon. Take heart - it will get better. Keep talking to her. She's listening. We all are.

 

Hang in there.

 

SF

[Jmina]

Lyss *hug*

 

greiving is a going forward term.

 

always putting one step in front of the other.

 

if you have stopped and fallen down, if you are in despair and pinning so bad that you just cant lift your head to see the good in your day you are lacking flow. you are fighting this. and you dont have to my darling.

 

surrender to what is happening around you because as hard as it is, it has to be this way for better or worse because you will get something from it in the end. you will have something under your belt by the time this passes and it is something that you will own and take with you through life forever. a gift, a lesson, something valuable and important.

 

now, you are afraid? angry? sad? everything above?

 

 

what are you fighting the current for?

 

you need some time for lyss, two months is really not a long time. The first YEAR is the hardest.

 

keep writing it out lyss tell us everything. or if you would rather keep it private do it somewhere offline, just get it all out. hard situations dont need to be made harder by having everything floating around in your head and weighing you down.

 

if your circumstances are really challanging you it is extremely hard to keep your head above water when you are grieving, but you must find a way. you must keep going. you must figure this out. ill be willing to help anyway i can even if it is just to listen.

 

you have support here

 

always here lyss

 

Jmina

 

x

[Always Wrong]

I'm really not coping well right now.

 

I do talk to her - loudly. I know she can hear me - maybe not but I talked anyway. My evening at work just turned for the worse and everything is just wrong at the moment. At times like these, I wish I could go home and talk to my mother.

I will pray for your strength to not waiver. I wish your BF could stay with you and not have to leave for work or anything else. I'm sure you know inspirational books to read. If you want, I will send you some links at your request.

 

In the past I thought my emotions were a curse. But I see people who don't show emotion, and I wonder if it's really in there or not. I have decided it must not be there, because I never see abundant joy spring from them either.

 

If the price of being emotionally bulletproof, is not being able to express emotion, then I prefer the experience of feeling down sometimes, because I know joy is just around the corner. Always

[Lyssa]

SF - Thank you for your post. I wish for the same - to have her give me a big hug.

 

Jmina - Your post brought more tears to my eyes. I know I need more time. As for my feelings right now - I'm feeling all of it at the same time! I feel so down, sad, angry... depressed.

 

I feel as in I'm going through a depression and that scares me.

 

AW - I know what you mean about emotions - being able to feel. I'd rather have that than nothing. As for BF - he's going through some major changes as well, son is going through another surgery so we are trying our best to be there for one another.

 

Thank you once again for all the responses. It is amazing to have all of you here to support me.

 

I feel so depressed. I just hate that feeling. It's somewhat eating me up - if that makes any sense.

 

I don't know why it is hard for my friends. I can't talk to them - they just say yeah okay and then change the subject so really, I don't see the point of talking to any of them. That's depressing too.

[sandflea]

 

I don't know why it is hard for my friends. I can't talk to them - they just say yeah okay and then change the subject so really, I don't see the point of talking to any of them. That's depressing too.

 

Yeah - the whole friend dynamic is weird. Right when you need them the most - "poof" - they all have plans.

 

I found that during my darkest times, boards like this really helped me. It helps to talk it out, and just vent, and sometimes your friends just don't seem to be up for listening. The nice thing is, everyone on here will listen, and continue to console you, and before you know it you'll start feeling better. Keep posting, and do whatever you can to try to convince yourself that it will get better. Because it will! Promise.

 

Your friends love you - they just don't know what to say. It's ironic, because in truth they really don't need to say anything. Just listen, and smile, and hug you. That's what friends are for, right?

 

Hang in there. When your really really down, that means that an "up" is coming soon.

 

SF

[marlena]

Lyssa,

 

You are still grieving her loss. You feel vulnerable, alone and perhaps even frightened. The person who loved you unconditionally, who nutured you and protected and comforted you is gone.

 

But not really, not where it really counts.

 

You can not see her but I know that you can feel her inside of you. Listen to what she is telling you. She is telling you that she loves you and will always be there for you. She is telling you to be brave, to not be afraid, to find peace in knowing that she is still watching over you.

 

Listen to that voice. It is a healing voice.

 

Her love will sustain you through all this.

 

Many, many hugs, sweet Lyssa.

[Lyssa]

Your friends love you - they just don't know what to say. It's ironic, because in truth they really don't need to say anything. Just listen, and smile, and hug you. That's what friends are for, right?

 

Thank you for your kind words, SF. Yes, sometimes that's all I want - someone to listen to. I don't expect everyone to drop whatever they are doing to be there for me, God no! but it hurts to know that whenever they needed a friend, I was always there for them... cause in some twisted way, I thought the same would be for me, know what I mean?

 

 

 

Lyssa,

 

You are still grieving her loss. You feel vulnerable, alone and perhaps even frightened. The person who loved you unconditionally, who nutured you and protected and comforted you is gone.

 

Thank you for the hugs, dear. You know that always works for me

 

Wow - Marlena! You got that right! I am feeling all of the above and more. You know, before she passed on - I thought she would be there for me for a long time. She was healthy except the normal cold and flu or exhaustions. So with everything that is happening around me - at work, with friends/BF - it's so hard to cope not having her around to console me. In a way, yes I am still angry at her but I don't think that's fair of me?

 

You can not see her but I know that you can feel her inside of you. Listen to what she is telling you. She is telling you that she loves you and will always be there for you. She is telling you to be brave, to not be afraid, to find peace in knowing that she is still watching over you.

 

At times, I feel her - just a little bit then it's gone. I know I should take my time and when the time comes, I will hear her.... but I don't when that's what I need the most!

[Lyssa]

This is really bad. I was doing fine... smiling and laughing.

 

Right now... I feel so down.. depressed.

 

There is definitely something wrong, right?

[directx]

You are more than welcome to vent your feelings. No depression is being 'transferred' here.

If depression is being 'transferred', that one readers way they want to interpret it. It is not being transferred to everyone.

 

Many of the postings here are about venting feelings, and I think you should continue to do so.

 

I just hope you aren't getting too depressed, Lyssa. You are a good person and have much to offer.

You sure its not the weather? I know its doing a number on me. cant stand the cold and early dark nights

[Lyssa]

You are more than welcome to vent your feelings. No depression is being 'transferred' here.

If depression is being 'transferred', that one readers way they want to interpret it. It is not being transferred to everyone.

 

Many of the postings here are about venting feelings, and I think you should continue to do so.

 

I just hope you aren't getting too depressed, Lyssa. You are a good person and have much to offer.

You sure its not the weather? I know its doing a number on me. cant stand the cold and early dark nights

 

Thank you, Directx. I was hoping there wouldn't be any depression being transfered.

 

I hope I am not getting too depressed although I feel like I am. It's definitely not the weather. Come to think of it, if it rained it would make me feel much better as I love rainy days! I think you already know that...

 

I do have a deep connection with my late mother. Sharing the same birth month and just a day apart - I see that as a connection. We shared a lot of things in common. We shared the same passion for arts and flowers! She was so crazy about flowers, at first I couldn't understand what was it with all the flowers but soon after, I began to follow in her footsteps. I wanted flowers in my room (which I thought was too girly!) and I wanted us to work on a garden.

 

Another thing that has gotten me very upset lately is that I just realised there was a lot of things that we planned to do. Small and big things. Simple things like groceries shopping (which we both enjoyed doing it together), baking cupcakes for charities to redecorating my room. She had always wanted to see me off marrying a man (I am sure it would freak her out if it was a woman! ) and I told her so many times in the past - you will get to see me, mummy! - but every time I think about that... I know that would not happen. Of course, she will be there on my wedding day but I'm sure you know what I mean - having her there spiritually isn't the same as having her there physically .

Edited February 14, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[marlena]

Anyone who can not empathize with Lyssa and her sudden,terrible loss has a huge problem.

[sandflea]

We shared the same passion for arts and flowers! She was so crazy about flowers, at first I couldn't understand what was it with all the flowers but soon after, I began to follow in her footsteps. I wanted flowers in my room (which I thought was too girly!) and I wanted us to work on a garden.

 

 

OK - so how about that for a plan. As the weather warms, plant a garden in her memory. Plant the flowers she loved, as well as some herbs that you can use in your favorite recipes. Put flowers all around the house - just as you and she would have liked it.

 

Live your life, as you move forward, with the same grace and peace that she brought to your life. I'm sure she'll be smiling down at you! Resolve to move forward in a way that honors her impact on your life.

 

You'll see her again Lyssa - and think of all the catching up you guys will do! That kind of love can't be denied by something as crude and simple as physical separation. Your lonliness is temporary. I'm sure she wants you to have the courage to move forward with your life.

 

Plant yourself the prettiest little garden on the planet - and when you weed it, or fertilize it, or plant something new - she'll be right by your side.

 

SF

[Lyssa]

Anyone who can not empathize with Lyssa and her sudden,terrible loss has a huge problem.

 

Anyone who can't empathize with anyone's loss IS has huge problem! I'm glad I am able to empathize with anyone and anything. There was a time I avoid watching news cause it made me cry a lot!