He's already done with me, isn't he?

[Jilly Bean]

Annie - NO ONE can give you an answer to that. We're not him, and we're not in his head, so who knows why.

 

Regardless, his motives and his head space are SO irrelevant here. Its more important how YOU deal with how you are being treated... It's worrisome that you are still so concerned with what he thinks about you. Who cares? He's a guy who booty called you, and is no longer booty calling you.

 

Deal with the REALITY of the situation, and let go of the why's and what if's. Don't let your self-worth be tied to what he may or may not think about you.

[spookie]

So I do have one more question and it's been bugging me... I know the last time he called was last Friday, although this is not unusual, as he calls only once a week anyways, on a weekend since he sees me 3x a week at the gym. Haven't heard from him, and I'm thinking this will be the 1st weekend we won't hang out so it's just done with. My question is do you think he is acting like this because of the divorce and the fact that his emotions could be all over the place and obviously not wanting a relationship, that the timing is just bad, or does it sound like there's more to it and that plain and simple, he's just not attracted to me anymore? I know he's not looking for a relationship so I can understand the fact that he doesn't want to get too close, but could it be that he was never attracted to me in the first place, that he just saw me as someone he could have sex with a few times and forget about? I just wanted to get your thoughts on this. Thanks!

 

What good could knowing this question possibly do you?

 

And how do you think it's possible that anyone can answer that?

[annie77]

I'm sorry, I know that no one could answer what he was thinking but I was just wanting to get thoughts as to what you think it's sounding like based on his actions the past few weeks. I don't know why I'm still obssessing about this a-hole, I just really liked him and I'm just so upset right now. Especially tonight I'm not even thinking straight because it's Saturday night, I'm home alone, and none of my friends can go out tonight so I just feel lost. And starting next week, I've made up my mind, and will start going to the gym at a different time. I usually go after work and that's when he's there. So I will sacrifice (I wake up at 5:30 AM to begin with because I have quite a commute), and will wake up VERY early so I can hit the gym before work just so I won't run into him anymore.

[OpenBook]

My question is do you think he is acting like this because of the divorce and the fact that his emotions could be all over the place and obviously not wanting a relationship, that the timing is just bad, or does it sound like there's more to it and that plain and simple, he's just not attracted to me anymore? I know he's not looking for a relationship so I can understand the fact that he doesn't want to get too close, but could it be that he was never attracted to me in the first place, that he just saw me as someone he could have sex with a few times and forget about? I just wanted to get your thoughts on this. Thanks!

 

I think he really liked you and was attracted to you in the beginning. But you made yourself too eager and available to him, you kept initiating the "get-togethers" (instead of sitting back and letting him do that), and you had sex with him too soon. He assumes that you have now shown your "true colors" -- since he could get sex from you so easily, it means either he's the Mojo King (which makes him feel really good) or you would do this with any guy you met (which makes him view you in a different light - you're not that "special" to him anymore).

 

He doesn't know you any better than that; he's just operating based on what he has discovered so far about you. He's not looking at this the same way you are. Men do not think like women. They want what they can't have, the unattainable. They fall in love way quicker than we do -- and they also fall OUT of love faster.

 

If I were you, I would either just enjoy him as a friend (even a FWB if you can handle that) or drop him completely from your life. In any case, I don't think you should go out of your way to avoid him or do anything out of the ordinary because of him. Just stand on your own two feet... keep on keepin' on, go on about your business like it never even happened. D-Lish is right, indifference is the ticket.

 

And don't beat yourself up over this either. He has not taken ANYTHING away from you. You are still the same unique, special person that you were before (you know, the girl that attracted him in the first place). You just didn't play your cards right with him, that's all. No biggie. He's just a guy... one of millions.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Omg I can't believe you slept with him. I'm sorry to say this sweetie, but you've truly became his booty call. The fact that he left you after the sex is enough to say that that was all he was looking for in the first place.

I totally agree 110% with this no wonder he was so excited you asked him to come over he knew it wouldn't be hard for him to get some.

 

I'm sorry but men who just get up and leave after sex especially with a lame excuse like that.

 

Are looking for the quick easy polite way out after they got what they wanted you got used I'm sorry I do hope you can learn something from it tho

[SpanksTheMonkey]

I know And there's no way to change it is there? I mean, is there a possibility that with time, if he still continues to see me, that he'll somewhat warm up to me and see me in a different light?

No you will just be used again and again until you stop it he sees you as just a sex partner now and nothing more most likely.

 

You cant change that the deal is done you see him as a possible LTR you two just want 2 different things.

 

Move on cut your losses and save yourself the future hurt.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

I'm sorry, I know that no one could answer what he was thinking but I was just wanting to get thoughts as to what you think it's sounding like based on his actions the past few weeks. I don't know why I'm still obssessing about this a-hole, I just really liked him and I'm just so upset right now. Especially tonight I'm not even thinking straight because it's Saturday night, I'm home alone, and none of my friends can go out tonight so I just feel lost. And starting next week, I've made up my mind, and will start going to the gym at a different time. I usually go after work and that's when he's there. So I will sacrifice (I wake up at 5:30 AM to begin with because I have quite a commute), and will wake up VERY early so I can hit the gym before work just so I won't run into him anymore.

I'm sorry every one for the mutable posts here this is the last I swear lol..

 

To me annie77 it sounds like you are a kinda needy personality to start off with no offense meant honest.

 

But it just caut me that you feel so lost because your friends can't hang out with you on a sat night?

 

So what go out yourself even if its just to get dinner doesn't have to be fancy a slice of pizza and maybe do a movie or rent something.

 

There must be stuff you enjoy doing by yourself? How about shopping or the like I find retail therapy as I like to call it can be very soothing lol.

 

Guess what I'm getting at is you don't always need others to enjoy yourself.

 

Just like you don't always need a man to ether also I notice you keep talking about this gym.

 

Its awesome your so dedicated to your health thats great but why not just join a different gym all together complete fresh start ya know?

 

Or maybe theres a different branch of your gym near you I would avoid that place all together and the people there.

 

Its just going to remind you of him and you don't need that it will hinder your healing and moving forward from the situation. Best of luck moving on I know its not easy.

[LOVE DAISIES]

Ok...I agree with most of what everyone has said here. Not much more to add...but I think Annie is obsessed with this guy because she did not

get proper closure from a guy who basically used her for sex. I have to say, that would bother ME a lot too, expecially if I continued to see him and he ACTED as if he was still interested!! What a creep.

I want to curse the guy out for her, because guys like that make my skin crawl. It doesn't matter if the guy just got divorced or NOT. He still knew what he was doing was crappy. If he WASN'T interested in her he could have done the right thing and declined her offers, or even been honest and said he wasn't interested.

 

Anyway, Annie don't beat yourself up sweetie. We have all dealt with

a jerk like this. You have done nothing wrong. You put yourself out there

for a selfish jerk. And don't feel bad about sleeping with him either.it's not a crime, and you had no idea of his intentions.

 

Maybe if you see him again at the gym, and he tries getting "flirty" with you, you will have your chance to turn him down or better yet tell him

how his behavior towards you made you feel. I think THAT will make you feel better than anything. It would definetely put you back in control.

[Jilly Bean]

It doesn't matter if the guy just got divorced or NOT. He still knew what he was doing was crappy. If he WASN'T interested in her he could have done the right thing and declined her offers, or even been honest and said he wasn't interested.

 

Sorry, but I disagree with this 100%. It is just this kind of thinking that keeps women doing what Annie did over and over by not taking responsibility for their role and dismissing all guys are being BAD.

 

This guy did NOTHING WRONG. How did he know what he was doing was crappy and hurt her feelings? Annie NEVER told him she was looking for a relationship, or that she doesn't put out early, etc. No, quite the opposite. By her actions, she told him that she was FINE with a casual, booty call only relationship that doesn't require respect, or dates, but that it's OK to just bang her and leave. It's one thing to bitch on a forum about a guy being a user, but if a woman continues to take last minute calls at 10PM on a SAT night, have sex with the guy, never have a proper date with him, etc. then it very much sends the message she is very happy with the arrangement and this is in NO WAY the guys fault at all. If a woman doesn't stand up for her own needs, then how is a man supposed to mind read her intentions? He was interested in having sex, and she complied. I dont fault him for not dating her - she never set up that expectation or desire.

 

Where Annie was at fault, was in not maintaining her boundaries from the get-go, never telling him BEFORE they had sex that she was looking for something meaningful in her life, and that she does not sleep around and is truly looking for love and a relationship. If she had done so, and he still acted as he did, then WHOLEHEARTEDLY I agree he is a cad and a pig. BUT, if she doesn't tell him her expectations and needs from the beginning and continues to sleep with him while secretly hoping it will morph into something substantial, then that is her undoing. It's important to understand the vast chasm here between intent and action.

 

There is a HUGE learning opportunity for you here, Annie. I hope you take the time to realize it, rather than write him off as an ass. If you do so, then this situation is doomed to repeat itself.

[AriaIncognito]

So I do have one more question and it's been bugging me... I know the last time he called was last Friday, although this is not unusual, as he calls only once a week anyways, on a weekend since he sees me 3x a week at the gym. Haven't heard from him, and I'm thinking this will be the 1st weekend we won't hang out so it's just done with. My question is do you think he is acting like this because of the divorce and the fact that his emotions could be all over the place and obviously not wanting a relationship, that the timing is just bad, or does it sound like there's more to it and that plain and simple, he's just not attracted to me anymore? I know he's not looking for a relationship so I can understand the fact that he doesn't want to get too close, but could it be that he was never attracted to me in the first place, that he just saw me as someone he could have sex with a few times and forget about? I just wanted to get your thoughts on this. Thanks!

 

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.

 

You've asked essentially the same question with each post on here, because you aren't getting the answer that you want.

 

You aren't going to get the answer that you want, it's unfortunate but it's true.

 

Basically at this point, you seem obsessed with this one guy. Like I posted before, I understand being afraid of never finding someone again, we all get that way from time to time, but you can't hang your hopes on the first person that you come across regardless of how they are responding to you!

 

He's clearly not as interested in you as you are in him. AND THAT'S OK! Not everyone is going to be attracted to you just like you aren't going to be attracted to everyone who is attracted to you. It's how chemistry works. You are wasting all your time obsessing over this guy that clearly doesn't want what you want.

 

You have to ask yourself, why are you so hell bent on convincing someone to love you, rather than looking for someone who will do it without your manipulation?

[annie77]

I know what all of you are saying. I won't keep writing about this guy anymore. Sorry for all the posts. Time for me just to move on.