annie77 Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 Sorry for posting about this same guy but I think I'm pretty sure now that he's already done with me, and I would really appreciate thoughts on this. History: Known him through mutual friends at the gym, for about 4 mos. Never really talked all that much before because he was married. He's now divorced. We hung out for the very first time a week and a half ago. Since then we've hung out 3 times, twice being at my place, the 3rd time, just this past weekend at his brothers, met 2 of them and their wives. We are yet to go on a "real date" and I really do like the guy and suggested dinner during the week last week. He said it sounded good, told me to call him later on that night, only to cancel because he was sick. I give him that because he really was getting over a cough/cold. Since then, we've seen each other at the gym and talk but so far this week, he hasn't called or mentioned going out at all. I'm thinking it's official that he's decided he doesn't want to pursue anything. Am I right? I know it's only been a week and a half but the way I see it is, if someone's interested in getting to know you more, they will put forth the effort into going out on a date. I would think that by now he would've suggested something.
norajane Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 Since you were the one who suggested going out to dinner and he canceled, yes, I believe it's up to him to suggest a date. If he hasn't, I'd say be friendly when you see him, but don't set your heart on a relationship with him. Again, he's recently divorced, so he may not want to date anyone yet, he may still be hurt from the divorce, he may want to play the field, etc. Whatever it is, though, you're right - a guy who is interested will ask you out, period. Especially when you've already asked HIM out.
Prodigal Princess Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 I agree with norajane (again!). For whatever reason, he's "just not that into you".
D-Lish Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 It's only been a week and a half.... And I agree that since he just recently divorced that he may be taking things slow. A divorce comes with some baggage.... After my divorce I took things slow with everyone I dated. Are you the first person he has dated since the divorce? That may also have something to do with it. You don't want to be the rebound girl! I would let him come to you- and I agree that he is the one that should re-book the dinner date. It's so early to tell. After a divorce a whole lot of emotions run rampant through your head. He may not want to get involved so soon after being married. Just hang in there and be patient. If he doesn't make a move- please don't take it personally!
Author annie77 Posted February 13, 2008 Author Posted February 13, 2008 You know, to be honest, I'm not sure if I'm the first person he's dated since the divorce. We haven't had time to really talk about stuff like that. We've hung out only 3 times and most of the time it was with his family members/friends. And all the other times I've seen him were at the gym. All I know is just a couple months ago I saw a wedding ring on his finger. Then I start coming back to the gym and he's not wearing the ring anymore. I know it's too soon to tell, really. But I figured that maybe he would've suggested something by now. Nothing serious, just maybe a movie or go out and have some pizza, or a couple drinks. Even just to hang out, together with no friends or family around, and away from the house.
D-Lish Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 Well, give it a little time and see how things progress. He may just be being careful about getting involved again. I know that after my divorce I would always tread lightly when it came to dating. Dating is scary after a divorce. You are doing the right thing by letting him come to you. Personally I think it is pretty cool that he introduced you to his friends and family.... that is something that doesn't usually happen until you have been seeing someone for a while!
Star Gazer Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 You hung out with him over the weekend, and have seen/been out with him 3 times in a week and half. I think you need to CALM DOWN and stop assuming the worst.
Lyssa Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 Can't say that he's done with you but give it some time. He just went through a D - that can't be easy.
starlite Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 Yeah, I would say relax on it as well. Let him contact you, that way he wont feel smothered. Good luck!
Author annie77 Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 Yeah I don't want him feeling smothered at all, yet I don't want him to think I have lost interest. The last time I called him was exactly a week ago, to ask if he wanted to go grab some dinner and he declined because he was sick (which he really was). Since then, he's called me to invite me to the brother's house last weekend. I really would like to just give him a call tonight and ask him if he'd like to do dinner or just hang out. Not a good idea then?
Author annie77 Posted February 15, 2008 Author Posted February 15, 2008 Ok so I did end up calling him last night and asked him if he'd like to grab some pizza or something, just real casual. He said he would've loved to and if I would've called 10 mins. earlier he would do it but he just made dinner. He still seemed really interested, we talked for about 15 mins., just asking how my day was, telling me about his, etc. and he mentioned that we could just do it tomorrow instead, which would be today. I was happy about that, knowing I had a Valentine date. Plus he said he would see me at the gym anyway beforehand. Well, he wasn't at the gym, I got no text, no phone call, nothing. When he IS around me, he acts like he's really into me, I mean, inviting me last weekend to his brother's to meet them both along with their wives and all. And I can see, we've only been hanging out for a couple weeks. But this is just so discouraging. By now, I would think if he really was interested, he'd show it. Any thoughts/advice would be greatly appreciated. Should I just stop showing interest and inviting him from now on?
AriaIncognito Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 Personally, since he's dissed you a few times now, I'd say forget about it 100%. If he wants to pursue you, let him, and then decide if you want to be bothered with him. He will more than likely pursue you if he thinks he's no longer got you on the line. If you don't believe me, go read my thread about being stood up...
Author annie77 Posted February 15, 2008 Author Posted February 15, 2008 Personally, since he's dissed you a few times now, I'd say forget about it 100%. If he wants to pursue you, let him, and then decide if you want to be bothered with him. He will more than likely pursue you if he thinks he's no longer got you on the line. If you don't believe me, go read my thread about being stood up... Thank you. Yeah I would say I'm definitely the pursuer here. I mean, he HAS invited me out and of course I jumped on it. But I'm the one who initially went up to him and asked him for the 1st date. This is just so upsetting. I don't know if this behavior may have something to do with the fact he just got divorced and has a son, or if he's flat out not interested anymore. But if he wasn't then I would think he wouldn't have answered his phone last night when I called and talked to me for a little while. I'll read your posts right now....
BlueEyedGirl Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 Sigh. There is no chance here. Let it go... He is probably flattered by your interest but it is very obvious that he is not interested - divorced or not.
Author annie77 Posted February 15, 2008 Author Posted February 15, 2008 Ok, what if... he DOES call today or sometime during the weekend. This is usually the time he does end up calling to see me. He called me last Saturday to hang out at his brother's, and the Sunday before that after Superbowl. That Saturday was our 1st "date" (I invited him). So what if he does call sometime this weekend? Does that mean he's still not interested and he's just using me as some type of "time filler"?
Trialbyfire Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 annie, this guy isn't that interested. If he was, it wouldn't have mattered that he just made dinner 10 minutes ago. It's not as if dinner can't be put in the fridge for the next evening or he could have suggested going out for dessert as an alternative. Back off...way off... Let him pursue you. If he doesn't call, no big loss because this is the time of the hunt and most guys would do pretty much anything for the kill.
Author annie77 Posted February 15, 2008 Author Posted February 15, 2008 So do you think he's completely lost interest in me all of a sudden then? I mean, if he wasn't interested, he wouldn't have invited me over to his brother's last weekend, right? I was able to meet a couple of his brothers and their wives, so basically he wouldn't have called me to come and meet the family... I just don't know what to think, I'm getting these mixed signals. During the week he lays low, then on the weekend, this is when he'll call me and invite me to do something. Well at least the past couple of weekends he has. But we've only known each other 2 weeks. Could it be, that he knows I'm pursuing so he knows he doesn't have to do anything, that he knows he's got me? I've been single for a year and a half, since my 7 year relationship ended and I've dated guys but this one is the first one that I'm really interested in, this just really sucks.
Jilly Bean Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 Annie - I don't think he's giving you mixed signals at all. You keep pursuing him, and he keeps rejecting your advances. You went out a few times weeks ago, never had a real date, you had sex with him, and now he is just being polite, since he sees you in the gym and is trying to avoid the drama. Like the others have said, I'd really try to retain some dignity here and just move on.
shanny Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 Yeah... He is most likely done. Guys who just get out of a marriage are tough to deal with... I'm sorta dating one now myself. Normally people think that girls have a hard time letting go, but I have learned first hand that guys are worse. He most likely wants to play the field. Do you really like him a lot? Is he worth fighting for? If you truly feel that he is... make the next move. If you just "sorta" like him then move on. If you have true feelings for him I'd make another move. Some guys like being pursued. Just follow your heart...
EYECANDY000 Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 Annie - I don't think he's giving you mixed signals at all. You keep pursuing him, and he keeps rejecting your advances. You went out a few times weeks ago, never had a real date, you had sex with him, and now he is just being polite, since he sees you in the gym and is trying to avoid the drama. Like the others have said, I'd really try to retain some dignity here and just move on. Agree !00% HIII JIlly !!
Author annie77 Posted February 16, 2008 Author Posted February 16, 2008 Yeah... He is most likely done. Guys who just get out of a marriage are tough to deal with... I'm sorta dating one now myself. Normally people think that girls have a hard time letting go, but I have learned first hand that guys are worse. He most likely wants to play the field. Do you really like him a lot? Is he worth fighting for? If you truly feel that he is... make the next move. If you just "sorta" like him then move on. If you have true feelings for him I'd make another move. Some guys like being pursued. Just follow your heart... I actually really do like him. I have an update.... So we didn't talk at all yesterday and I haven't called him at all today. But just about 20 minutes ago, he called me. Asked me how my V-day was, asking how my day is going and what am I doing tonight.... He didn't make plans but he did mention that if he was gonna go anywhere, he would have to wait until his son goes to sleep anyways and that he would probably give me a call later. Does this mean that maybe he still does have even just a little bit of interest still, since he made the phone call? I mean, he didn't have to if he was trying to get rid of me right? Sigh, I just really like the guy.
EYECANDY000 Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 Annie, I think you are putting way to much emphasis on something thats not there. You are basically taking the bait. Just because he called yesterday to see how you was doing doesnt mean anything. Just that he was being considerate . But not considerate enough to call you for Valentines . This guy wants his ego stroked and dont be the one to keep boosting it. He wants you to chase him, and have you by a short leash. I can understand that you really like this guy, but what has he done in a couple of weeks , that has wow'ed you?
Author annie77 Posted February 16, 2008 Author Posted February 16, 2008 Ok, I guess I was really hoping for something. So I'll just stop. No more calling him, just be cool with him when I run into him at the gym. What a bummer.... I don't know what I did.
Jilly Bean Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 Annie - few things to note here. First off - he's very recently divorced. Not the best and most stable option for a stable dating relationship. Although you said in another post that you were cool for it to be casual, you clearly don't really mean that. And I just don't think he's interested in anything more than an ocassional booty call with you, or anyone, for that matter. So, it's not necessarily anything you've personally done, as you asked, but more that he is not on the same page with you and sharing your current relationship goals. So, it's like you are working at such cross purposes, it's doomed to fail. Unless, of course, you are content with him treating you like an option, and then I think you should continue to chase him and be frustrated when he screws you and still never takes you out on date (sarcasm here). I am sure your self-esteem is higher than this, and you value yourself too much to continue to be his puppet. And hi, EC!
Author annie77 Posted February 16, 2008 Author Posted February 16, 2008 Thank you so much for the advice. I know, I say I'm ok with it being casual, I'm not looking for a relationship, to call him by boyfriend, but I don't exactly like being just a booty call. I really would like to go hang out with with outside of the bedroom, just go out for an occasional beer or something, nothing big. He did end up coming over last night and yes, that's all it was, he hung out for a few hours. We watched some TV, talked, had sex, then talked a little more and he left. So I'm aware of the fact that this is all it is. But it's only been 2 weeks (2 weeks today to be exact), so could it be that there are instances where things start out like this but then the guy starts to warm up to you and things can go from there? I'd like to hear some thoughts on that. I know I'm probably hoping for something that will never happen but since he's going through some things, maybe it's all he wants right now, but in the future once he's more comfortable with me, there's a slight possibility, right?
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