lostnalone Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 (edited) Today I was bored while kids took a nap and I started playing on the computer. And I found a new email for my husband. So I hacked into it. And this is what I found: hey you! i miss you babe so much and worry about you constantly but, i know you are very smart and super careful so, im ok...Michael, I love you!you need to know that...it will never change but to grow even more...every day i fall harder and deeper in love with you...you are my soul mate and i cant imagine my life without you in it...im so very greatful for you...please know im here for anything...call me whenever, lean on me and when i need it, hold mebe safe today baby, love you so muchlove always, Ok so now I'm really upset because he's been telling me that he's not having A. And I didn't know what to think. So I called him and yes we started fighting on the phone. Then I text him telling him about the weather where he is and asking him to be careful. I get back "I will I miss u" I text back a few things like "I think you sent this to the wrong person" and then from him No it was to you and my name Then I get this on our daughters myspace page: Well , I was putting fuel in the truck and yes I miss you, i was hit with something. Its snowing really hard here and I just watched it come down, very peacefully, and I remember how things were when we lived in Wheaton before moving. I remember feeling sad because Sammantha wasnt with us, but i also remember how we were and i miss it, i miss u, i really do, i dont know how we got here but i hate it, i really do. I miss us, but then i read things like this or the letter u wrote and left in here and it just kills me and make me want to not care. But theres one problem, I do care, i care about you very much, and Tena, I think we just started to not like each other anymore, and not care, but I do love you. I let everything in the last 5 months cloud that and take over. Im sorry for that. Im not messing with your emotions, im just opening my heart to you and letting the person who I always thought of as my best friend know what i was feeling. I need to get to sleep soon, so i can get up and start early. instantly I'm like ok he does really love me. But i asked him what that all means because i'm so confused I get this back: What im saying is that altough this is what im doing now, working here, i dont want to lose you. I dont want to lose our family. We have alot to deal with but i do love you. And im sorry for all of this. As far as another woman goes, that just worked out to be a woman, i needed someone to talk to and had nobody. She listened. She is a friend, thats it. I have to go to bed, ill talk to you tomm. Also started a new email. Now first if she is "just a friend" why does he now need to hide with a new email? And now I'm starting to feel like he's just laughing at me. I don't think I can handle him being friends with her and I'm sorry someone doesn't send you an email like the first one without something right??? Please someone help me out of this confusion!!! lostnalone and now confused Edited February 13, 2008 by lostnalone
topper3581 Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Yikes. My wife just recently asked me for a divorce and i got the same thing..."just a friend". But when I look at the cell phone bills and see calls to him at 1 or 2am and on my birthday, New Years, etc it's hard to believe. Plus she would call him at a number for 1 min and he would call back and block his number so she wouldnt run up her bill and i wouldnt question it. It's always a friend. I came across this definition of emotional affairs: Inappropriate emotional intimacy. The partner being unfaithful may spend inappropriate or excessive time with someone of the opposite or same gender (time not shared with the faithful partner). He or she may confide more in their new “friend” than in their partner and may share more intimate emotional feelings and secrets with their new partner than with their existing spouse. Any time that an individual invests more emotionally into a relationship with someone besides their partner the existing partnership may suffer. Deception and secrecy. Those involved may not tell their partners about the amount of time they spend with each other. An individual involved in this type of affair may, for example, tell his or her spouse that they are doing other activities when they are really meeting with someone else. Or the unfaithful spouse may exclude any mention of the other person while discussing the day’s activities to conceal the rendezvous. Even if no physical intimacy occurs, the deception clearly shows that those involved believe they are doing something wrong that undermines the existing relationship. In other words, if there was really no harm in meeting with a friend, both parties would feel comfortable telling their partners the truth about where they are meeting and what they are discussing. I hope you guys can work it out, and it sounds like he may want to? But protect yourself and do your homework, it will make you feel better when confronting him on this. Good Luck!
Ronni_W Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 And I found a new email for my husband. So I hacked into it. And this is what I found: hey you! i miss you babe so much and worry about you constantly but, i know you are very smart and super careful so, im ok...Michael, I love you!you need to know that...it will never change but to grow even more...every day i fall harder and deeper in love with you...you are my soul mate and i cant imagine my life without you in it...im so very greatful for you...please know im here for anything...call me whenever, lean on me and when i need it, hold mebe safe today baby, love you so muchlove always, Those are NOT sentiments one conveys to "just a friend" -- your husband may be genuinely confused about his feelings for this woman but you need not share his confusion about it...you know what these words mean, and the feelings they are intended to convey. I can't see too much room for misinterpretation unless one is in serious denial, which he may well be. I'd say that your husband needs to stop contact with this woman so that he can sort out his feelings, reset his priorities and learn healthy boundaries for friendships with the opposite sex. For me, that is his obligation and responsibility to you and his marital relationship. If she is "just a friend", he must learn to realize the difference between platonic and romantic words and messages. For all we know, she does feel that it is just a friendship, and he has blown it out of proportion in his own head. Hopefully that's all it is -- an older version of a teenager's crush. But he needs to get real about it so that you guys can start to do what it takes to improve your own relationship. Sending positive vibes.
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