TheQ Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 I am totally destroyed by my wifes cheating and the resulting divorce. Would it be wrong to create a website to tell the whole story. I have the pictures from the PI and I am dying to post them. Advice???
Trimmer Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 What is your vision for the outcome of this endeavor? i.e. what do you anticipate the result to be; what do you wish to accomplish?
Author TheQ Posted February 13, 2008 Author Posted February 13, 2008 Most of our friends and family don't know the whole story. She is getting all the support because she is the wife/mother. Things have really turned strange and now she has moved on to "dating" the best friend of the first guy she cheated on me with. This has all happened in 6 months. Outcome? I just want the truth to be told. I want everyone to see her for who she is or has become. She tells me I am old fashioned and that marriage was just a piece of paper. She also tells me that I am just jealous and I should be. It's becoming a war. The worst part is that I just found out that she used our daugthers school fund to go skiing with both of these guys.
prisonbreak Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 Yes it would be wrong, in my opinion and here's why... Your problems in the marriage should be between the 2 of you. Your acting out in anger. Public h[FONT=Times New Roman]umiliation[/FONT] won't even the score. You may regret it later. Be the bigger man. What's the point? Go out with some dignity. Friends and people are going to see right thru it. You married her, she is a reflection of you, at one time you saw the good in her, by degrading her, you are degrading yourself. Your going to show the world what kind of woman YOU married. Not going to look on your behalf. Now that is my opinion, sorry if it wasn't what you wanted to hear. I'm sorry things ended so bad and that she cheated on you. I understand your anger. You have every right to be angry.
prisonbreak Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 Kids are involved?...Well then, absolutely don't do it! If you degrade her, your also degrading your children
Trimmer Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 Most of our friends and family don't know the whole story. She is getting all the support because she is the wife/mother. Things have really turned strange and now she has moved on to "dating" the best friend of the first guy she cheated on me with. This has all happened in 6 months. Outcome? I just want the truth to be told. I want everyone to see her for who she is or has become. I hear you. I'm thinking that "telling the truth" is not really an outcome, per se, but it is more an action you want to take, a blow you want to land, a means to an end that you aren't quite elucidating. Like if I ask, "why did you punch that person", and you answered "Because I wanted to punch him", when the real outcome you were trying to accomplish was "I wanted to break his nose and make him bleed so he would hurt." If revealing the truth really is your goal, would it serve your purposes to write a letter, laying out your version of the truth, and send it privately to only those friends and family that concern you? Or is the act of creating a website, along with certainly embarrassing photos from the PI, and the public humiliation it would bring, an important component to you? As in any tit-for-tat escalating conflict, I ask: what is the end game? It's becoming a war. What if they gave a war, and nobody came? And if you do engage in this war with your full fury, can you tell me that any of it is in the best interest of your daughter? Assuming she is old enoug, is there any way that your daughter wouldn't end up eventually coming across it, proabaly prompted by kids at school? Is that just acceptable "collateral damage" in your war? The worst part is that I just found out that she used our daugthers school fund to go skiing with both of these guys. As in, she stole others' money that she was entrusted with, or that she used her own money that was designated for school purposes for another purpose? If it's fraud, or stealing, or contrary to a court order or custody agreement or something like that, then you certainly have cause for action...
BlueHaiku Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 I struggled with a similar issue in my divorce. I didn't feel people understood the true depth of badness about what my ex-husband did. I was, and to be perfectly honest, still am frustrated that most people just shrugged off his really shoddy treatment of me and went on being his friend. But he was the kind of guy everyone always liked. Before our split, even a family member of his once confided in me (in sympathy with *me*) about how hard it was to be around him because everyone always likes him and can see him as doing no wrong. I found that odd, because I never had a problem with the fact that everyone liked him (remember, this was before our split)... then we split and I finally understood how frustrating it is. I won't go into details, but suffice to say he treated me pretty danged badly, but everyone likes him and can see him as doing no wrong, so they all stayed friends with him. They didn't dump me as a friend either, but in all honesty I didn't really want to co-socialize, so essentially I lost all my friends. Sad... but I wouldn't do it differently. Most of them never knew what he did to me - I didn't want to be the bitter angry person wallowing in my misery and victimhood. I wanted to be the survivor, picking myself up and moving on strongly with my life. And so I now am - with new and better friends. BlueHaiku
Trimmer Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 (edited) I was too late to edit my previous post to expand my thoughts on the impact on your daughter: If you do engage in this war with your full fury, can you tell me that any of it is in the best interest of your daughter? Even an "amicable" split is difficult enough for a child to process and come to terms with. Aside from the additional agony - measure for measure, blow for blow - that hostility between split parents causes a child... assuming she is old enough, is there any way that your daughter wouldn't end up eventually coming across this website where daddy humiliates mommy - likely pointed out to her by kids at school, who will then all become a part of her own public humiliation? Is that all just acceptable "collateral damage" in your war? Edited February 13, 2008 by Trimmer
Recommended Posts