micahmo77 Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 So my ex of four years broke it off with me about a month ago. I have been going NC for 14 days now. Last week my best friend had called her, they are friends as well. He knows what I have been going through so he called her to talk, however she didnt answer or call him back. Now I did not tell him to do this, I was kind of shocked that he called her actually. He calls me last night and tells me she called him back from the first time he called her. From what he told me, he just wanted to find out where her head was at with all of this. She told him that she loved and misses me still and that we have been together for so long. That all the things I was doing like proposing and taking her on the trip together etc. Those things to her were because she thought I did them so I wouldnt lose her. She said that she wanted to make sure she wanted to be with me for the right reasons and that everything seemed right. My ex also mentioned that she did need time, and I havent called her and she hasent called me. Also that she hadent moved on, ( Which I dont understand, I caught her cheating on me with another guy. dont know if they still see each other but that was about 3 weeks ago ) So Im cofused, she did call my friend knowing that he was going to discuss our situation. She said everything that I mentioned. I realize she needs time like she said, however now its almost Valentines day. We were supposed to go out together from plans we made before all this happend. I was thinking about just still going NC and beat myself up if shes spending it with this other guy. Or maybe send her a card just being real simple like thinking of you. The other option was to call to talk, or write a heart felt letter and mail it off. I feel like maybe if I wait to long ill just fade away into a memory. She will just get attached to this guy if they still talk, or maybe someone else. When does last ditch effort go into play, she seems to be thinking of me at least. Im dreading the 14th, how awful...
Roller EastCoaster Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Hey man, I feel you. Actually I got a call from her recently and Idid not pick up or return her call. The reality is that there alot of thigns that need to be sorted out. But remember the first priority is ourselves. NC is good because it helps you to step back. In this situation we MUST remove ourselves as far as we can from the chaos of which has been created so that we can see our true selves, even if it is 20% of our true selves (we probably won't see 50% of our true selves until two/three months down the road). Right now we are very emotional and subject to our attachment to them and the convenience of the relationship. I say convenience because it (the relationship) satisfied several needs and made us rely on ourselves less... it takes work to rely pretty much on oneself. At least in my case she proved that she could not rely on herself as she started to see another person. Anyways it is very hasty I think to start or initiate contact right now even if somehow we are getting some communication from them. V-day is really a good time to HOLD TIGHT. Believe it or not, it will speak volumes even if is just to yourself, it will speak to the fact that you will take this one for yourself, you will not crumble. I know yours is quite fresh, and to be honest I do advocate you approaching her, but not right now. Sh*t has not changed much, I can guarantee that, and you will feel really down when you fold and contact her just to realize that neither of you have gotten anywhere.
dfreeman Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 If she is with another guy, would you rather she get nothing from you on Valentine's Day or get something from you and have to laugh it off him? Also, IMO, your friend didn't help matters much by laying this crap on you right before Valentine's Day.
prisonbreak Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Micah, You know I want the 2 of you to get back together and it's so easy to rack your brain on what this means. You need to ask yourself, what doesn't this mean? Her calling your friend, doesn't mean she wants you back or she's having regrets...All it means is, she returned a phone call. Don't read into it. She probably was thinking about you, then decided to call your friend. But you need more than her just thinking of you. Heck, you know she thinks of you, don't doubt that. You 2 were together for a long time.
Recommended Posts