LOVE DAISIES Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 I met David in 2005 online. he was going through a divorce and not in place to date.I was ok with this. He has three children with his ex wife, who he has a very close and good relationship with. We flirted a lot, and there was great chemistry on both sides. We knew what each other looked like...have talked on web cam, sent pics, talked on the phone. Etc. I got impatient with him after a few months. I wanted to meet up, and pursue what I thought was a potentially great thing. He was gunshy, having never met anyone in that way.He is 'old school". Anyway, things eventually got ugly, because I took it personal that he didn't want to meet. So after a few nasty emails between us, I had a period of NC where I didn't talk to him for over a month. Finally I missed him a lot, and decided I'd rather have him as a friend than nothing. We began talking almost everyday. He began initiating a LOT of the contact...something he had not done much of before. During one of our conversations he mentioned dating someone, who he had been with "on and off' for about a year. I thought..."hmmm"....but it wasn;t my place to say anything. Anyway..I would notice a pattern with him. He would be all over me during the week....but when the weekend came...he went MIA. I naturally assumed it was because he was dating someone..and at the time I had NO issue with it. Fast forward a few months. This was during Xmas. We had gotten into yet another argument.Didn;t talk for a few days. I ended up emailing him..and he asked me if I would be interested in going to a play with him.I was surprised...but he followed it up with.. "But I might not be good company, I have had my heart broken and am not doing too good". The girl he was dating had broken up with him a week before....so like an idiot I tried to be the "good friend"..and help him through it. I know ..STUPID. I expected them to get back together, because he told me they had a history of breaking up. I was right.About a month later, they were back together..and again he was not available as much. I was hurt, but it was my fault for hanging around. Six months later.....surprise!!!! She found out she was pregnant, so guess what they did? They went to Vegas and got married. he never told anyone. Not even his kids. I felt so betrayed because all ths time, he was alluding to the fact that he was still interested in me etc. I was pissed.I had asked him not even two weeks earlier if he planned on marrying her in an email...and he never answered.Then I found out he got married!! He claimed he never planned it...that he found out she was pregnant and was engaged in less than a week. Either way..I was hurt. It gets better... After all this....he STILL says he wants me in his life. He CLAIMS he's "not happy" and it's not what he wanted. LOL Yeah....he's a piece of work. I am extremely resentful of him now..and he can't seem to understand WHY!!!! Or why I have a hard time accepting not only his situation but how he deceived me. I have attempted to end our friendship many times since he got married, but he begs me to not go. He says he is only trying to the right thing and if he could change it he would. Part of me cares about him a lot and I value his friendship, but I hate what he did. I feel crazy sometimes for continuing this insane friendship. We fight about this all the time now because I cant get past it. Am I wrong??? Please don't judge me too harshly.I know I am stupid for dealing with this.Believe me.I beat myself up over it enough. I just wish I had the strength to walk away once and for all. It's easier said than done.I have tried.....
Tripper Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 After all this....he STILL says he wants me in his life. He CLAIMS he's "not happy" and it's not what he wanted. LOL Yeah....he's a piece of work. I am extremely resentful of him now..and he can't seem to understand WHY!!!! Or why I have a hard time accepting not only his situation but how he deceived me. I have attempted to end our friendship many times since he got married, but he begs me to not go. He says he is only trying to the right thing and if he could change it he would. Part of me cares about him a lot and I value his friendship, but I hate what he did. I feel crazy sometimes for continuing this insane friendship. We fight about this all the time now because I cant get past it. Am I wrong??? Please don't judge me too harshly.I know I am stupid for dealing with this.Believe me.I beat myself up over it enough. I just wish I had the strength to walk away once and for all. It's easier said than done.I have tried..... Sweetie, you've been played. He has lied to you and he probably lies to his wife. He didn't have to marry her, only make provisions for supporting his child. Now he is married and in a mess. Forget having a relationship with this guy. How can you even be friends with him without basic trust and honesty. Don't walk, but run away from this guy before you are hurt even further. It may be tough, but you are worth having someone you can trust, love you.
Meaplus3 Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 I met David in 2005 online. he was going through a divorce and not in place to date.I was ok with this. He has three children with his ex wife, who he has a very close and good relationship with. We flirted a lot, and there was great chemistry on both sides. We knew what each other looked like...have talked on web cam, sent pics, talked on the phone. Etc. I got impatient with him after a few months. I wanted to meet up, and pursue what I thought was a potentially great thing. He was gunshy, having never met anyone in that way.He is 'old school". Anyway, things eventually got ugly, because I took it personal that he didn't want to meet. So after a few nasty emails between us, I had a period of NC where I didn't talk to him for over a month. Finally I missed him a lot, and decided I'd rather have him as a friend than nothing. We began talking almost everyday. He began initiating a LOT of the contact...something he had not done much of before. During one of our conversations he mentioned dating someone, who he had been with "on and off' for about a year. I thought..."hmmm"....but it wasn;t my place to say anything. Anyway..I would notice a pattern with him. He would be all over me during the week....but when the weekend came...he went MIA. I naturally assumed it was because he was dating someone..and at the time I had NO issue with it. Fast forward a few months. This was during Xmas. We had gotten into yet another argument.Didn;t talk for a few days. I ended up emailing him..and he asked me if I would be interested in going to a play with him.I was surprised...but he followed it up with.. "But I might not be good company, I have had my heart broken and am not doing too good". The girl he was dating had broken up with him a week before....so like an idiot I tried to be the "good friend"..and help him through it. I know ..STUPID. I expected them to get back together, because he told me they had a history of breaking up. I was right.About a month later, they were back together..and again he was not available as much. I was hurt, but it was my fault for hanging around. Six months later.....surprise!!!! She found out she was pregnant, so guess what they did? They went to Vegas and got married. he never told anyone. Not even his kids. I felt so betrayed because all ths time, he was alluding to the fact that he was still interested in me etc. I was pissed.I had asked him not even two weeks earlier if he planned on marrying her in an email...and he never answered.Then I found out he got married!! He claimed he never planned it...that he found out she was pregnant and was engaged in less than a week. Either way..I was hurt. It gets better... After all this....he STILL says he wants me in his life. He CLAIMS he's "not happy" and it's not what he wanted. LOL Yeah....he's a piece of work. I am extremely resentful of him now..and he can't seem to understand WHY!!!! Or why I have a hard time accepting not only his situation but how he deceived me. I have attempted to end our friendship many times since he got married, but he begs me to not go. He says he is only trying to the right thing and if he could change it he would. Part of me cares about him a lot and I value his friendship, but I hate what he did. I feel crazy sometimes for continuing this insane friendship. We fight about this all the time now because I cant get past it. Am I wrong??? Please don't judge me too harshly.I know I am stupid for dealing with this.Believe me.I beat myself up over it enough. I just wish I had the strength to walk away once and for all. It's easier said than done.I have tried..... Hi, I agree With Tripper here you have been played and IMO big time, and I feel for you because you probably did not see it coming. If I were you I would not continue the friendship. While it may hurt right now it will be best in the long run. It' seem's as though this guy want's his cake and to eat it too, those are the worst kind, unfortunatly..I have myself have learned the hard way with a guy like this. No contact is your best bet..It might not seem easy at first however as time goes on it does get better.You deserve someone who will be your's and your's alone. Try and take this day by day..realize you made a mistake and move on in your own little way each day. Hang in there. hug's! AP:)
Author LOVE DAISIES Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 Thanks for your replies. I guess I have been played. This is part of the reason for my anger toward him. He acts like he's a victim. It makes me sick. I bet if his wife dumped him today he'd be crying like a baby. Yet he acts like HE'S the one who got a raw deal. I am in the anger stage now.....which is good I guess. I just don't understand why he is so insistent on keeping me in his life??? What's the point????
Author LOVE DAISIES Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 I am going to just stop talking to him I think.No arguments...no goodbyes....just end it. Even announcing goodbye to him keeps the dialogue going and it only sucks me back in. I hope I can stay as strong as I feel today. And thanks for not being too hard on me.I am really trying to end this once and for all.
Meaplus3 Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Thanks for your replies. I guess I have been played. This is part of the reason for my anger toward him. He acts like he's a victim. It makes me sick. I bet if his wife dumped him today he'd be crying like a baby. Yet he acts like HE'S the one who got a raw deal. I am in the anger stage now.....which is good I guess. I just don't understand why he is so insistent on keeping me in his life??? What's the point???? As for why he want's to keep you in his life? Most likely to boost his ego. As for the anger stage.. it's part of the recovery process. If you can try and forget him and focus what's good ain your life this can help. AP:)
Author LOVE DAISIES Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 As for why he want's to keep you in his life? Most likely to boost his ego. As for the anger stage.. it's part of the recovery process. If you can try and forget him and focus what's good ain your life this can help. AP:) And this is what angers me....exactly!!! It is not MY place to boost his ego...it's his wife's. He is selfish and weak. He won't even say he's married..he calls it his "situation". LOL I just want to stop feeling angry and hurt. I hate this feeling. Anyway, last time we talked was in email last night. I told him over the weekend I am done with this friendship..and moving on. He is still trying to pull the guilt trip on me..that he just wants me to be happy, and knows he can't give me what I deserve "right now"...(as if THAT will be changing anytime soon). Same lines to keep me there. I replied once..and he sent the last email after that. I 'll leave it at that..and try to move on. I hope it will be ok if I post here on this thread when I need to. I might even be theraputic.
whichwayisup Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 You know this guy isn't who he says he is...His actions and the way he has been treating you prove this. You don't need that crap in your life! This guy is selfish and probably is a narcissist as well. BLOCK HIM!! Keep posting and venting.
Author LOVE DAISIES Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 You know this guy isn't who he says he is...His actions and the way he has been treating you prove this. You don't need that crap in your life! This guy is selfish and probably is a narcissist as well. BLOCK HIM!! Keep posting and venting. OMG you are like the third person who has told me he sounds like a narcissist.Must be some truth to it!!! UGH....I feel like such an idiot. Thanks for the support and I will continue to post!!!!
Author LOVE DAISIES Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 I know this relationship is very toxic for me...but at the same time it has become an addiction. I think that is why I have had such a hard time breaking free of it. I do not look forward to the withdrawals of ending it.I know I'm angry now, but I know there are going to be times I am going to miss him, even if I know I shouldn't. So please understand and be patient with me.I am going to try my very best. I heard something on the radio recently that makes sense.If you are trying to start a new diet program or quit smoking that rather than setting goals like quitting or starting all at once...to do it in four day cycles..then start a new cycle.They said if you can stick with something for four days, you're on your way So right now I am going to try it this way. This is day one of four.
Meaplus3 Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 I know this relationship is very toxic for me...but at the same time it has become an addiction. I think that is why I have had such a hard time breaking free of it. I do not look forward to the withdrawals of ending it.I know I'm angry now, but I know there are going to be times I am going to miss him, even if I know I shouldn't. So please understand and be patient with me.I am going to try my very best. I heard something on the radio recently that makes sense.If you are trying to start a new diet program or quit smoking that rather than setting goals like quitting or starting all at once...to do it in four day cycles..then start a new cycle.They said if you can stick with something for four days, you're on your way So right now I am going to try it this way. This is day one of four. Love..Vent away..really it's a good way to work through thing's! It has become and addiction and addiction's are hard to break. So, don't beat yourself up for that! It's all about baby step's..I was told this by so many and it true. Try the 4 day cycle thing and see how it works..your taking a step here to make a change be proud of that. AP:)
JessieT Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Oh! mine always called it the "situation" and he called his wife the "other party" it's nice to see someone else say the same thing. As for advice, he's not your friend, and that friendship you valued so highly, it wasn't real. I didn't say it as nicely as I meant it. Friends don't hurt each other like that and it seems you know it and I know how it feels to miss it, I still miss mine, and I know it wasn't a good thing for me.
juliegeraci Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 You need to treat this like an addiction. No contact is the only way to get through it. Come here for all the support you need but end it. Good luck.
StillSame Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Have you even met this guy in real life????
Author LOVE DAISIES Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 Have you even met this guy in real life???? I was waiting for this question to come up!!! LOL Yes, we have met in real life. We met a couple times.Both times were at public events.Both my choice, because I didn't want to put any pressure on us for things to "happen".
Author LOVE DAISIES Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 Love..Vent away..really it's a good way to work through thing's! It has become and addiction and addiction's are hard to break. So, don't beat yourself up for that! It's all about baby step's..I was told this by so many and it true. Try the 4 day cycle thing and see how it works..your taking a step here to make a change be proud of that. AP:) Thank you so much for this.It means a lot, and I have been beating myself up!! I am ashamed to talk to many people about it because it isn't even a REAL relationship I don't want to hear how crazy it is. I feel bad enough. As for the other poster..I am trying to treat this AS an addiction..like smoking. LOL (cough cough)....see it's getting better already!!
juliegeraci Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Sounds more like a fantasy then reality. He is really screwed up. No matter how much you think you like him I would run for the hills. Good luck.
Author LOVE DAISIES Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 Sounds more like a fantasy then reality. He is really screwed up. No matter how much you think you like him I would run for the hills. Good luck. Thanks Julie....the more I think about it, the more I agree with this. It's sad.The guy is extremely successful, smart...I am sure no one would guess he is begging someone he met online to stop being friends with him. I wonder if his wife has ANY idea how miserable he portrays himself to be. I just can't see a woman staying with someone who CLAIMS to not be happy as he does. I think he's either in denial land, or he's a big fat liar.
whichwayisup Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 OMG you are like the third person who has told me he sounds like a narcissist.Must be some truth to it!!! UGH....I feel like such an idiot. Thanks for the support and I will continue to post!!!! If this was a friend of yours going through what you're going through, what advice would you give her? Take a step back and try to be objective... Yes, this guy seems to have many traits of an N. That and your friendship is online mostly, so let's assume he's done ALOT of lying to you. You only know what he has told you. I know this relationship is very toxic for me...but at the same time it has become an addiction. I think that is why I have had such a hard time breaking free of it. I do not look forward to the withdrawals of ending it.I know I'm angry now, but I know there are going to be times I am going to miss him, even if I know I shouldn't. So please understand and be patient with me.I am going to try my very best. You are addicted to how he's made you feel. Like a drug. Go cold turkey and do your best to change your routine now. Get some hobby's, hang out with friends. BLOCK and DELETE HIM from your accounts. Or completley change your email/IM, start fresh without him in it. Pamper yourself too. Spa day with a friend, shopping, etc...Keep busy. I heard something on the radio recently that makes sense.If you are trying to start a new diet program or quit smoking that rather than setting goals like quitting or starting all at once...to do it in four day cycles..then start a new cycle.They said if you can stick with something for four days, you're on your way So right now I am going to try it this way. This is day one of four. Great! You're going to be fine. Sure it will hurt and you'll feel awful, but in the long run, you WILL feel better and feel happier without him in your life. You gave 100% and he took from you. I'm sure you'll feel lighter without having to deal with his crap.
Author LOVE DAISIES Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 I know this sounds mean, but I wish I could somehow tell his wife ANONYMOUSLY that her husband says he is miserable with her..and feels trapped. I would never do it....of course, but it would be interesting to find out exactly HOW miserable he was after that!!!! But she doesn't deserve that any more than I do.
juliegeraci Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 You are not alone. I have been away from OM for about 10 days now without contact. It is like a drug. Change your routine and try and keep focused with no contact. I hear it can take anywhere from 3 weeks to 6 months. Good luck.
Author LOVE DAISIES Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 I can't wait to get past this feeling of anger, betrayal, hurt..and ickiness.I just want to be myself again...You guys are awesome. Thanks for being here.
whichwayisup Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 I know this sounds mean, but I wish I could somehow tell his wife ANONYMOUSLY that her husband says he is miserable with her..and feels trapped. I would never do it....of course, but it would be interesting to find out exactly HOW miserable he was after that!!!! But she doesn't deserve that any more than I do. Don't bother. The best way for you to heal is to UNinvolve yourself in his life. I mean, at the end of the day, WHO CARES? This guy is a piece of work and I'm sure he'll find someone else to screw with. It is also possible he has done this before and has many on the side feeding his ego.
Author LOVE DAISIES Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 Today I am off from work.I am glad I go back tomorrow because I'll be busy.Today is raining out so I just feel like opening a bottle of wine and crying my eyes out.I know I'll feel better tomorrow but right now it just hurts.
juliegeraci Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 I know it hurts really bad. I totally cried yesterday missing my friend/lover. I've known him for 5 years now and we are very close. In order to get myself back to sanity it has to be this way. If I talk to him all it will do is pull me back into the situation. If he truly loves me he will know in his heart what is best for me. We talked about this last week. My life is with my husband and children. I just wish I didn't love him so much. Time will be the only cure along with no contact. Good luck and keep us posted.
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