JustinWolf Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 How much can we truly take? We are human beings with feelings and when they get crushed, it hurts so much. Some are stronger than others but when we fall for this thing called "love" we just end up hurting as we watch the people we "love" walk away from us and fall into some other people's arms. Some of you know my story very well, know how I was doing so good. I was back on track, being happy with my friends. Everything was wonderful. WAS. Until now. What is coping? Watching them leave and be strong or watching them go as we turn around? The people who once promised us to take care of our tears are the ones who end up giving us the ones that flow the most. And what is that desire we feel for them, even though they have decided to move on? What about how it feels as they just become parts of hurtful songs? Ugh, today I saw a picture of her with her boyfriend, she took back with him. I looked in awe and without realising what I had done I went up and asked her if it was her bf, she replied with a simple yes and I said "see you" as I disconnected and let the tears come again. I deleted her. It was a long time coming.
PinkRibbon Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 I don't know how much a heart can take. I think I am trying to test the bounds of mine everyday. I feel like I am rock botton as far as my feelings go. Watching the person you love the most be happy with someone else is so terribly heartwrenching. Not sure how much anyone can take but I think we take it until we can truly heal and move forward.
Always Wrong Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 How much can we truly take? We are human beings with feelings and when they get crushed, it hurts so much. Some are stronger than others but when we fall for this thing called "love" we just end up hurting as we watch the people we "love" walk away from us and fall into some other people's arms. Some of you know my story very well, know how I was doing so good. I was back on track, being happy with my friends. Everything was wonderful. WAS. Until now. What is coping? Watching them leave and be strong or watching them go as we turn around? The people who once promised us to take care of our tears are the ones who end up giving us the ones that flow the most. And what is that desire we feel for them, even though they have decided to move on? What about how it feels as they just become parts of hurtful songs? Ugh, today I saw a picture of her with her boyfriend, she took back with him. I looked in awe and without realising what I had done I went up and asked her if it was her bf, she replied with a simple yes and I said "see you" as I disconnected and let the tears come again. I deleted her. It was a long time coming. I thought you already deleted her Justin. You will start healing the day you quit torturing yourself over her and get interested in someone or something else. I know it's like watching grass grow. It just takes time. I don't know how much a heart can take. I think I am trying to test the bounds of mine everyday. I feel like I am rock botton as far as my feelings go. Watching the person you love the most be happy with someone else is so terribly heartwrenching. Not sure how much anyone can take but I think we take it until we can truly heal and move forward. The heart is incredibly resiliant. Pink, you and Justin have both been suffering a lot. You only make it worse and make the healing take longer by not letting your mind be occupied by other thoughts. I'm guilty too. I've been doing the same damned thing. It stinks, I know.
Belkin Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Very beautiful post JustinWolf! Got me all sentimental again... This feeling of being abandonned, discarded, thrown away... and replaced without further care... you can't describe it... It's so awful, and we want it so much to stop, but it keeps coming back again and again no matter what we do or how far we think we have escaped... Yet I know it will one day only be a souvenir, tinted with a hint of nostalgia maybe, but nothing more. So hold on tight, keep your hands and feet inside the vehicule at all times, and enjoy the ride on the breakup rollercoaster. You don't know how long it will last, you don't know how fast it will go, but you do know it will end and you will get off safely.
Haohmaru Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 I've never heard of anyone dying of heartache. Gunshot wounds, nooses, and building ledges tend to do that. So if you can stay away from guns, nooses, and 25 story building ledges I think you'll be ok. Time heals all.
Always Wrong Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 I've never heard of anyone dying of heartache. Gunshot wounds, nooses, and building ledges tend to do that. So if you can stay away from guns, nooses, and 25 story building ledges I think you'll be ok. Time heals all. Actually, yes you can get sick and die from stress related events in your life. Here is the link to the website. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale
Always Wrong Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Accurate information is as important as cheer, inspiration, compassion, empathy, good advice, etc......
Haohmaru Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 (edited) You insult everyone on this board by even thinking that would be acceptable. So I don't want an apology from you. Edited February 12, 2008 by Haohmaru
Author JustinWolf Posted February 13, 2008 Author Posted February 13, 2008 Look, I don't want anyone flaming anyone else. You are both partially right. In any cases, I've been doing a bit of research lately and I've come to realise a lot of people have killed themselves over the loss of a loved one. From cutting their veins to jumping in front of a moving train. Might not be the stress or it might be, might even be the pain that is intolerable that people decide to give in to it. I'm not willing to die nor am I going to give in to it. Been stronger than that. So basicly what is strenght? The ability to be strong or move on? Or are they both the same thing in this situation? What we fail to realise as people in these circumstances are that perhaps those people that once "loved" us maybe never did. Or perhaps thought they did. So, questions linger on. The same old hurtful love songs. Try to wonder how life would be if we never met them, failing to realise that we'd never have life experiences if we were never hurt. Should we just hide in a corner and witness the world turn and miss out on it? Or should we join in have a few laughs, have a few tears, have a bit of pain, a bit of pleasure?
Nomad1 Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 The thing is to keep moving. You need to occupy your mind. Do some braingym, eg. do mental calculations of the amount of money needed for a project or a holiday or simply think about anything you are planning to do in the future. The thing is that your current hurt is to do with the past. Try shifting your thinking to focus on future events. Good luck
Author JustinWolf Posted February 16, 2008 Author Posted February 16, 2008 Then, we truly realise what is our true potential. Looking for answers and when we finally find them, the pain seems to start fading away slowly. Immerse ourselves into new waters and bring a new happiness and joy to our lives just as if nothing had happened without forgetting the wrong moves we once did. I'm finally letting go, I think I've found the answers I had been looking for, for so long. I think it's not hard, as long as we know how to deal with it and I think I'm starting to learn to deal with it. The love that was once buried inside of my heart has started to turn into pure hatred. She contacted me, said why I didnt wish her a happy bday, I said I forgot. She asked me some dumb questions, I learned she's back with her boyfriend. That's it. No more questions. What had to be said and all has been said. The rest, is up to destiny. While I go around, have fun and enjoy my life. I will never forget but I wonder will I ever forgive? For now, I don't think so. And for all those filled with sorrow because of the loss of a "loved" one: Just hang in there, be strong.
what2donowIII Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 Maybe it makes us better people to have our hearts broken at least once. I dont know, I know i am going through the pain right now for the first time in my life (im 27). It is by far the worst pain i have ever felt in my life. But at the same time I think it has made me a better person. I have opend my eyes to alot of things. Im hoping the pain and the stomach aches and sleepless nights end soon im tired of hurting and im ready to get my life back together and get back to being me. Maybe us getting our hearts broken really does make us stronger and better people as when you konw what it truley feels like to have your heart broken you can appreciate life and people around you more and maybe never break anyones heart yourself.
MattyTee Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 Look, I don't want anyone flaming anyone else. You are both partially right. In any cases, I've been doing a bit of research lately and I've come to realise a lot of people have killed themselves over the loss of a loved one. From cutting their veins to jumping in front of a moving train. Might not be the stress or it might be, might even be the pain that is intolerable that people decide to give in to it. I'm not willing to die nor am I going to give in to it. Been stronger than that. So basicly what is strenght? The ability to be strong or move on? Or are they both the same thing in this situation? What we fail to realise as people in these circumstances are that perhaps those people that once "loved" us maybe never did. Or perhaps thought they did. So, questions linger on. The same old hurtful love songs. Try to wonder how life would be if we never met them, failing to realise that we'd never have life experiences if we were never hurt. Should we just hide in a corner and witness the world turn and miss out on it? Or should we join in have a few laughs, have a few tears, have a bit of pain, a bit of pleasure? Hey Justin, I'm sorry that you are going through this. I very much understand how you feel. AW talked a little about torturing yourself and that is exactly what is taking place. This is your mind, addicted to pain, that keeps drawing you back for another 'shot'. Sometimes something within us keeps pulling us in until finally we hurt ourselves enough to walk away. You could use an analogy of a person waving their hand over a candle until finally they stick it right in the flame. The pain hurts so much that they withdraw and stop. None of this is an easy process but we have a choice of how we deal with it. We can choose the path of hurting ourselves, of living in the past and of holding on to a future that we could never lay claim to anyway. Or we can choose to accept what has happened, however badly we feel, and learn and grow. Now that things are as they are, does it matter whether you were ever really loved? Perhaps you can see that the only part of you that cares about that is ego? In reality, if you felt loved then you were loved. It is that simple. It doesn't matter what the person says now about the past, they have as little power to change it as you do. One of the hardest lessons (for me at least) is accepting what love actually meant to me. I realised that whilst I did love my ex, I was also attached to her. I believed we belonged to each other. I believed that the future belonged to me, the future with her. We were together a long time, 8 years. We were engaged and to marry soon. Now I understand that I can love her without being with her. I know that within my heart there are no thoughts of jealousy or envy of someone else. I know that within my heart there is no anger or resentment. All those things are upstairs, the little grey cells. They tell me that she shouldn't be happy with someone else, that it should be me. In reality, when we love someone, isn't it that we want them to be happy? I believe that people that can't cope are people that have a much deeper sadness than that of a lost loved one. I have reached rock bottom. I called the Samaritans because I was scared of how I felt. I wanted to die. When I realised that actually what it all came down to was within me and nothing at all to do with my ex. I'm not diminishing the pain of loss and the grief that comes with it, but simply saying that many, many times there is more to it. At the root of my sadness, my pain was the very simple four words: "I'm not good enough". That I wasn't good enough to be loved. The relationship we have with ourselves is important. When we rely on someone else to give us what we need, then we are filling a hole rather than embracing another whole person. If that person goes, the hole is still there. It isn't until we discover ourselves a little, it isn't until we deal with that hole that we will finally reach a place of strength and peace in our relationships You've heard the phrase "You make me whole" or "You complete me" and while they seem very romantic they describe the problem exactly ... Look for a sense of wholeness within yourself and then you offer a whole person to someone else. It's simple maths 1/2 and 1/2 is equal to 1 ... but 1 and 1 equals 2 ...
rtHawk Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Hey Justin, I'm sorry that you are going through this. I very much understand how you feel. AW talked a little about torturing yourself and that is exactly what is taking place. This is your mind, addicted to pain, that keeps drawing you back for another 'shot'. Sometimes something within us keeps pulling us in until finally we hurt ourselves enough to walk away. You could use an analogy of a person waving their hand over a candle until finally they stick it right in the flame. The pain hurts so much that they withdraw and stop. None of this is an easy process but we have a choice of how we deal with it. We can choose the path of hurting ourselves, of living in the past and of holding on to a future that we could never lay claim to anyway. Or we can choose to accept what has happened, however badly we feel, and learn and grow. Now that things are as they are, does it matter whether you were ever really loved? Perhaps you can see that the only part of you that cares about that is ego? In reality, if you felt loved then you were loved. It is that simple. It doesn't matter what the person says now about the past, they have as little power to change it as you do. One of the hardest lessons (for me at least) is accepting what love actually meant to me. I realised that whilst I did love my ex, I was also attached to her. I believed we belonged to each other. I believed that the future belonged to me, the future with her. We were together a long time, 8 years. We were engaged and to marry soon. Now I understand that I can love her without being with her. I know that within my heart there are no thoughts of jealousy or envy of someone else. I know that within my heart there is no anger or resentment. All those things are upstairs, the little grey cells. They tell me that she shouldn't be happy with someone else, that it should be me. In reality, when we love someone, isn't it that we want them to be happy? I believe that people that can't cope are people that have a much deeper sadness than that of a lost loved one. I have reached rock bottom. I called the Samaritans because I was scared of how I felt. I wanted to die. When I realised that actually what it all came down to was within me and nothing at all to do with my ex. I'm not diminishing the pain of loss and the grief that comes with it, but simply saying that many, many times there is more to it. At the root of my sadness, my pain was the very simple four words: "I'm not good enough". That I wasn't good enough to be loved. The relationship we have with ourselves is important. When we rely on someone else to give us what we need, then we are filling a hole rather than embracing another whole person. If that person goes, the hole is still there. It isn't until we discover ourselves a little, it isn't until we deal with that hole that we will finally reach a place of strength and peace in our relationships You've heard the phrase "You make me whole" or "You complete me" and while they seem very romantic they describe the problem exactly ... Look for a sense of wholeness within yourself and then you offer a whole person to someone else. It's simple maths 1/2 and 1/2 is equal to 1 ... but 1 and 1 equals 2 ... Hi to all of you hurting.... a moment of empathy--and a big hug. I know and I know the pain toooo well. I have tolerated too much .... I have withstood being hurt over and over ...--not all because it is his fault or problem. but also mine for allowing myself to be in that place. I cannot believe what I have withstood over the past 7 years and am still hurting with I still don't know where the R is going... ending--- slowly ending-- fading--- will recover???? I do know how some of my love is changing into a hate... a hate I did not think I could ever feel toward him. I lhave loved HIM with my whole being--- heart and soul. and I too feel betrayed.. was once cheated on before. and feel possibly discarded, thrown away and replaced--- although I don't know for sure... He hasn't spoken to me in 4 weeks but sent me a happy valentines day message---wtf? in my hurt... he sends that message and I kept asking myself is he trying to be cruel??? what is so happy about any of it. and.... so the communication is brief--- as well; I know his libido and keep asking myself If I could believe he would remain celibate during this R chasm of weeks now. but someone posted about love.... did the other person actually love you.? it could be that they loved you as best they could or all they were capable of...some people are not capable of real love.... they are unable to give that much of themselves. There are those of us who are capable of intimacy and true deep love.. so, as I must keep asking myself... ask --if they were capable of that kind of love? the love you want in your life and then it may help you to know... that you can be loved.... you can be whole.... and the RIGHT partner will love you as you should. MattyTee--THANK YOU FOR WHAT YOU WROTE..... IT IS POIGNANT--DEEPLY REAL AND SO HEARTFELT... I AM SORRY YOU HAVE HURT BUT AM MOVED BY YOUR ABILITY TO TRULY LOVE. THAT IS A TREASURE....AND SOMEONE WILL ONE DAY BE RICHLY LOVED AND LOVE YOU BACK . I THINK I WILL PRINT YOUR WORDS OUT AND READ THEM TO MYSELF. THEY MADE ME CRY ... I HAVE LOVED HIM SO AND WILL ALWAYS.. I WILL WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY EVEN IF HE HAS HURT ME DEEPLY. I ONLY FEEL SAD FOR THE FUTURE- AND LIFE I DREAMED OF HAVING WITH HIM I DON'T THINK OR BELIEVE ANYONE WILL EVER FIT MY PUZZLE PIECES SO WELL..EVER AGAIN. I ONLY HOPE HE WILL KNOW HOW MUCH I HAVE LOVED HIM THE HEART IS SO WONDERFUL.... AND IT IS SO PAINFULLY BROKEN ISN'T IT? TAKE CARE ALL!
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