elizabeth22 Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 I am so confused. My boyfriend of a year broke up with me officially in December. Our relationship started out ok I guess. On our third date he told me he didn’t want a girlfriend he wanted to focus on getting his career in order (we are of the same profession but he is new at it) but I wanted a relationship and he didn’t want to let me go so we became a couple. I am high strung he is very laid back. Six months into the relationship I found out he kissed a girl drunk 4 months prior. (One month after we decided to be a couple) I flipped out screamed and yelled. He said it was a mistake and he loved me and reassured me it wouldn’t happen and I was the girl he loved and he couldn’t picture his life with out me. After that I would question everything he did for me, get drunk and start fights, make scenes, be really needy...we even were on the phone for 8 hours. I basically tortured him. We were really rocky around my birthday but he still bought me a trip to Paris. We went had a great time. His friend and brother constantly told him I was making him miserable. Which I was but I was feeling like he wasn’t acting like he loved me or put effort into the relationship. Everything was always about him. Taking trips with his friends, if we had plans he would postpone. One time I asked him to come over his excuse was he didn’t want to loose his parking spot. Don't get me wrong we had a great time together. Together was never the problem...the problem came when I didn’t see him for 2-3 days I would get mean. So this leads us up to now. He says he isn’t in love with me anymore but we did Christmas and new years together. I see him once a week sometimes more. We tried not talking or calling but he will send a text or email sometimes its I miss you other times it’s to talk to me about things "only I would get". I will call him upset about us and the next day he will come over and bring my favorite candy to cheer me up. He even said "we have the weirdest relationship...when people break up they don’t talk I just want to hold you and kiss you and make you feel better." When we are together its like we never broke up. I am making conscious efforts to not be like I was. I realized I can't act like that. It’s been months since we have been together and I realize what I did was wrong and how much better my life is with him in it. He says he can’t see us getting back together, I dont think we are compatiable...so why is he here all the time...Why do I have his car today, why does he hold my hand? Yes we still have sex but only when I initiate it and normally he says I just want to hold you. Now he is focused on work and doing better, but I think he assoicates that with breaking up with me. He sees I am being different. I dont know if its to late or he thinks I will revert back to my old ways (which I wont because i know where acting like that gets me) Do I have a shot at getting him back if I keep being sweet or am I wasting my time? I love him with all my heart and I am so sad.
LIVEWIRE Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 This is a hard call Elizabeth. You said your ex was not very giving and it was "all about him".From all you have said here, it seems that it was all about YOU. Torturing the guy for 8 hours on the phone.Screaming at him or starting fights. I don't know that is not a very appealing situation to go back to. He may still care about you as a person, but that doesn't mean he is "in love" with you. Over a period of time , it is possible to kill a persons feelings for you with your actions. I know you say you are different now, but truly changing takes a LOT of work. You might not be that way anymore because you no longer have the title of his "girlfriend". Who is to say once you are, you won't revert back to your screaming demanding ways? I am sure this is a huge concern for him. Maybe he is afraid of putting a title on your relationship for this reason. It's hard to say. Right now I would focus on YOU and how you can keep your emotions under control. Whether you two get back together or not is a moot point because right now, you are NOT together. So focus on what IS. That's all you can do right now.
Author elizabeth22 Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 thank you for taking the time to respond...I agree with what you are saying and I have been doing those things. I started law school, I am volunteering, and I have ajusted my attitude towards him and received positive results so I don't want to be that person with ANYONE. please keep in mind I can't fit my whole relationship on this page there was a lot of selfishness on his part and he agrees there. my question still remains once you "kill" that love that was there can u ever get it back? and should I distance myself from him or keep seeing him casualy to see if he would take me back eventually. I'm I setting myself up for dissapointment?
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