the man i love is leaving.......what would you do ???

[troubledintn]

ok people here we go... listen up... well i met this man about 15 months ago we were both married... we have had some issues .. ups and downs like any couple does i believe... nothing in life is ever perfect.. but back in the summer were when our issues started.. he was asking me about some things in my past marriage that i didnt want to discuss .. so he said he needed to talk to someone so he started confiding in his ex wife... she soon moved back to tn thinking they were going to get back together.. this whole summer has been a rollercoaster ride.... the one reason why i have held on so tight is because of how in love i am with him. at the time when i found out she was moving back to tn he was still living with me . we at the time had a checking account together so i took some money out of it .. i texted him and told him i was but he said he never got the text . some of the money he did owe me but not all of it ... when i fell in love with him and we both went thru our divorces. he was definitely financially harder on him at the time than mine was me .. but i never wanted him for what he had or didnt have .. i only chose to have him in my life for how he made me feel, and what i feel for him.... i HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE FELT FOR SOMEONE WHAT I FEEL FOR THIS MAN..... he is leaving on march the 5th to go to korea for one year... i love him very much and i know that we can make it thru the year and still come out strong but now because of me taking that money out of our account he is having his exwife take care of all of his financial bill paying and anything he needs while he is gone... i wanted us to get a rental house before he left but, he he said one of the main reasons he was going to korea was so he could get some bills paid off. i can afford to get my own rental house but i just wanted his things there too as well so i could look around and feel him there when i saw his things. now all his stuff is packed up.the only thing left is our dogs how can i get him to understand that i do love him and would never do anything like that again . and if he doesnt get it then where will that leave us ? i mean how hard is it to be in love with one woman but have another take care of everything you need as well..... i would marry this man in a new york minute... but how are you supposed to feel when you are not sure the other person feels the same way . i mean he was supposed to go to ft. hood texas and we had talked about us getting married before he left but know he is going to korea . so would it be right for me to think he should feel the same way or no???? we only have 23 days until he leaves and i want every second to be perfect until he gets on the plane...... what would you do ??? troubledintn

[oh_what_am_I_doing]

I know this sucks. I've been there and totally feel your pain. I was dating this commitment-phobe for a year and a half. I was head over heels for him and apparently it wasn't reciprocated. It seemed like it was at the time, but let me tell you that guys can be good actors. He started interviewing for jobs out of state without telling me. Then one day I found out and eventually we broke up. He was planning on getting a job and moving away, just like your man is doing.

 

I know you don't want to hear this, but I think your relationship is pretty much over. You can hang on if you want to and it will continue to hurt. I did this for a good long while before finally realizing I had to move on with my life. Then you know what happened to me-- not too long after finally severing the last tie with my ex, did I meet the guy who would become my husband. He's absolutely awesome. It's nothing like when I was with my ex. There's no doubting that he loves me. You deserve that. You deserve a man who will stay here and love you rather than take a job in Korea and leave you. If he's military that's a different story, but he doesn't sound military to me.

 

My husband, after being together only for a month or two, was offered a spot on a TV show where he would be doing lots of traveling, and he turned it down because he didn't want to leave me. I personally think he's crazy and should've taken the show, but he said he couldn't go on the road with me here at home. So anyway, these are the kinds of things a loving man says to his significant other; you're just too close to the situation to see it. Try reading that book "He's just not that into you" ... it's a real eye opener.

[troubledintn]

thanks for the reply... i appreciate it... well let me reply back to what you said .. he is in the military and has been for a while... he was gonna go to ft. hood texas but instead decided to go to korea so he would only have to leave for 1 yr. and then be able to come back and finish out his career in our town which he has made his home since 1994... i know this man is my soulmate at least that is the way i feel... i love this man with all of my heart and their isnt anything that i wouldn't do for him... see he was married and i was married we met fell in love and both got divorces. we have been together for almost 15 months now .. over the summer we had some issues that have made some aprts of our relationship difficult. but thru all the difficult times i have never once regreted being in love with him or working thru the issues and loving him... i fell like in my heart that things have finally started coming around for us... during the summer when we were having some very tough times, he turned to his exwife to talk to because he said he needed me to be there about our issues and i wouldnt open up ... then i took some money out of our account because i was very hurt that i found out him and his exwife were supposed to be trying to work things out between them. so at the same time he felt hurt and let down by me . i felt the same way about him... so now he feels like since he is going to korea he cant trust me to handle the finances. we had openly talked before about when he left that i would take care of our bills . pay off bills and save money ... but he has turned to his exwife for that now because he said he is worried that if we get into an arguement that i will do the same thing again. so really what is my place in all of this..... it was never about us argueing or not argueing. it was about me being very very hurt. now i wonder what my place is in his life. i mean what sense does it make for him to be in love with me and us be together but his exwife handle everything for him while he is gone... because of everything that happened thru the summer with them i am very insecure when it comes to her and he is the only one that can make that go away...i know how he says he feels about her but i am a woman and i know what she wants from him... the other night she and i got into a fist fight at his house. i am 37 years old and have never in my life ever had someone make me so angry towards them that i would do that.. and i am very disappointed in myself for even going there.... and in the middle of the arguement she made the comment that her and him had made no promises to each other for when he was gone...when he told they were first gonna send him to ft. hood he said we should get married and all of us meaning him , myself and my children go with him...... i was happy because i knew that we would be very happy no matter where we went and i felt like also it would give her time to heal and be able to move on with her life while we were gone. he will be leaving for a yr and i wonder when he comes home if the same drama will still be there when it comes to her. my thing is i know what i feel for him and i know how much in love with him i am and that i could spend the rest of my life with him and always be very happy and content with him until the day i leave this earth. if i could i would marry him before he even leaves to go to korea because i am so very very happy with him. but its hard you know because how do you bring that up and know that you arent making yourself look a fool especially if he doesnt feel the same way. i have been married before and everything and i mean everything about our relationship is totally different from what i had with my ex. i met my boyfriend fell in love and never looked back. he makes me feel beautiful, he makes me laugh, i can be myself around him and actually know he loves me for me . i enjoy being around his family and talking to them . i enjoy all of our time together no matter if we are ddoing something or not.... when we met god must have set that up because i know that there inst anyone out there that would or could make me happier thatn i am with him.... i cannot go a day without thinking about him and still 15 months later i still get butterflies when i kiss him. help i need some advice....