shadowplay Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 (edited) Am I right in concuding that most guys would be in open relationships if they could, and women are the main force keeping exclusive relationships the status quo in our society? For guys reading this: if you were in love with a girl would you still want to have sex with other women if your girlfriend was cool with it? Or does your desire to spread your seed fizzle when you become attached to one woman? I suspect there's a double standard where guys aren't cool with their girlfriends sleeping with other men, but they would eagerly screw around on their girlfriends if it were acceptable to do so. By acceptable I mean that guilt weren't a factor. Edited February 12, 2008 by shadowplay
tanbark813 Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 IME girls cheat at least as much as guys do. I've said it before and I'll say it again: genitals don't define character.
oppath Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Am I right in concuding that most guys would be in open relationships if they could, and women are the main force keeping exclusive relationships the status quo in our society? I actually think many men would feel hollow. Sure, they would throw it in someone else but afterwards it wouldn't mean much. IME girls cheat at least as much as guys do. I've said it before and I'll say it again: genitals don't define character. I agree with this. Women cheat, a lot. The numbers are fairly equivalent. I know women who are all about open relationships. I don't know men like that. Most guys I know are turned off at the idea. But sex is EASY to obtain, so most guys I know would just opt to not be in a relationship if they want lots of sex.
underpants Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 (edited) In my observations I will say that more women I have known have cheated then men. However, I have my own little test. I will tell a guy (that I think I could love) that if he wants to date someone else to just let me know and we will be cool. (they will take this how they want to). Then it is up for you to decide if they are what you want. Fairly simple and heartbreaking at times. Edited February 12, 2008 by underpants
norajane Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 It's my belief that, at first, when in love, guys would also be all about monogamy. Then, as the relationship gets older, they'd revert back to wanting to have sex with other women and would, if their girl were ok with it. Would women do the same? I'm not sure. If their guys were doing so, yes.
Cobra_X30 Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 It's my belief that, at first, when in love, guys would also be all about monogamy. Then, as the relationship gets older, they'd revert back to wanting to have sex with other women and would, if their girl were ok with it. Would women do the same? I'm not sure. If their guys were doing so, yes. It's the opposite. The more interest a man gets from other females... the more a woman will want to try harder to keep her man. The guys who are highly monogamous are the ones that get cheated on the most.
Trimmer Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Am I right in concuding that most guys would be in open relationships if they could, and women are the main force keeping exclusive relationships the status quo in our society? For guys reading this: if you were in love with a girl would you still want to have sex with other women if your girlfriend was cool with it? Or does your desire to spread your seed fizzle when you become attached to one woman? I suspect there's a double standard where guys aren't cool with their girlfriends sleeping with other men, but they would eagerly screw around on their girlfriends if it were acceptable to do so. By acceptable I mean that guilt weren't a factor. How can you complain that it's a double standard if you condition it with "if it were acceptable to do so?" If it's acceptable, then it's acceptable. If it's a double standard, then it's not acceptable. You are condemning men for what they WOULD do if there were a different acceptable standard from what exists? Go ahead and condemn the ones who actually behave in a double standard - expecting fidelity from their women and then going out and cheating - but somehow it just doesn't read right to say: "OK, imagine a society where it's perfectly acceptable to have multiple partners... OK, got it??? Ewwww, gross, you would actually have multiple partners???" This just sounds like one of those "Do these jeans make me look fat?" questions to which there is no right answer and the result is an inevitable whirlpool that sucks you down into a hellish nightmare.
underpants Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 It's the opposite. The more interest a man gets from other females... the more a woman will want to try harder to keep her man. The guys who are highly monogamous are the ones that get cheated on the most. Not for me. However, I am concluding I am not the norm, perhaps. If I sense a competition. I will concede. It is almost a reflex. Funny, a very early boyfriend I said "if you want someone else, just tell me". He thought he won the jackpot girlfriend. Of course his ex decided he had value after dating me for a few months and she was so pretty. She wanted him back and I said..."hey, go for it". At the same time my love swich flipped off completely. He thought it would be okay to get back together with me after she dominated the competition ??? Not so much. That is the risk and the rub. For whatever outcome it may prevail. I never give the second chance. However, I will let you dig a hole.
Trimmer Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 The guys who are highly monogamous are the ones that get cheated on the most. That was certainly my experience, but then that's only one data point...
Florida Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Some guys just aren't into multiple partners at once, regardless of if opportunity knocks. There are guys who are voluntarily celibate. They will 2 or 3 years without sex, until they meet someone who they want to be with. I don't think those types of guys would choose open relationship if the choice was presented. I don't think what I described is so rare, either.
Trimmer Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Or who go a year or 2 or 3 without sex, unless they meet someone who they want to be with. Again, just my one data point, but that's me, too. Just passing 2.5 years with no nookie in sight... Got my sh*t together, and feeling confident, though, so if something happens, I think I'll be in good shape at this point. I think of it as "involuntary celibacy."
Florida Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Not for me. However, I am concluding I am not the norm, perhaps. If I sense a competition. I will concede. It is almost a reflex. Funny, a very early boyfriend I said "if you want someone else, just tell me". He thought he won the jackpot girlfriend. Of course his ex decided he had value after dating me for a few months and she was so pretty. She wanted him back and I said..."hey, go for it". At the same time my love swich flipped off completely. He thought it would be okay to get back together with me after she dominated the competition ??? Not so much. That is the risk and the rub. For whatever outcome it may prevail. I never give the second chance. However, I will let you dig a hole. Unders I'm confused about something. Do you mean that she showed interest in him and you immediately said "go for it" ? Or that he broke up then came back to you after you said that? Just curious. It reads both ways.
tanbark813 Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 I will tell a guy (that I think I could love) that if he wants to date someone else to just let me know and we will be cool. (they will take this how they want to). I think this is a bad idea. If I were dating a girl I was serious about--or even one I wasn't, for that matter--and she told me this I would assume it was because she was planning on doing so herself and I wouldn't consider herself long-term material. I think you're shooting yourself in the foot with this one, underpants.
norajane Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 It's the opposite. The more interest a man gets from other females... the more a woman will want to try harder to keep her man. The guys who are highly monogamous are the ones that get cheated on the most. Not this woman! I lose interest in a man if he has a wandering eye. I disengage if I see that. It's like he bursts the bubble when he does that. I can't be with a man who isn't all about me, and the LAST thing I'll do is compete with anyone else for his attention.
Florida Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 That was certainly my experience, but then that's only one data point... Interesting, you were playing devil's advocate in the first post! Yet you are an example of what I described. So-let's ask you minus the witticisms. Would you? Or do you *prefer* not to?
Gold Pile Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Not this woman! I lose interest in a man if he has a wandering eye. I disengage if I see that. It's like he bursts the bubble when he does that. I can't be with a man who isn't all about me, and the LAST thing I'll do is compete with anyone else for his attention. I've noted SOME women want a guy who flirts with and is clearly wanted by other women. MOST women seen to steer clear though. Out of politness or seduction game plan I keep my focus only on the woman I'm with. If she's not my cup of tea, it's still bad manners to shop around in her presence.
underpants Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Unders I'm confused about something. Do you mean that she showed interest in him and you immediately said "go for it" ? Or that he broke up then came back to you after you said that? Just curious. It reads both ways. Oh, Sorry I was not clear. I stated my cruel but standard rule earlier. I rather mixed my thoughts with the repulse thread too, hence the switch. I guess over time I have learned to cut the b/s. The incident I spoke of was of a very early, 18ish. Yet if I think about repeat occurances, there is just an aspect you have to weed out (if monogamy is you flavor of relationship). It is not so uncommon, but I think of dating as weeding a garden if that makes any sense. In the my experiences early and later. The boyfriend in question would mention the ex. Say things and build up to a harboring of emotions for which I would offer and end to our monogamy for him to pursue (to his unknown caveman mind the ramifacations of this choice) consequenses of such a choice). It is all measurements in how much I care ...We can listen, we can talk about it and we can discuss what will happen (although, planned cheaters never want to do that beforehand)... but once the switch is flipped.. there you have it.
Trimmer Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Interesting, you were playing devil's advocate in the first post! Yet you are an example of what I described. So-let's ask you minus the witticisms. Would you? Or do you *prefer* not to? Fair enough - I haven't really contributed anything substantial here, have I? In all 18 years of being with my wife, the last 13 of them married to her, I never had any uncertainty, where I stood in the balance, and had to consider whether to "hold myself back" from an attraction to another woman. That's not to say that I didn't find other women attractive any number of times. Once I even had an unambiguous invitation, while on a business trip thousands of miles away from home, to take an attractive woman "out for a drink." I wsan't even travelling with colleagues, I was completely alone - no chance of being seen, caught, etc. Did I "prefer" not to do it? Or did I "choose" not to do it? Seriously, I don't know how I would characterize that decision. But I know that whichever it was, it was instantaneous - there was never any hesitation in my mind, no wavering, balancing on the fence, nor was there at any other time in those 18 years - and that was based out of respect for the partnership and the marriage I had chosen to commit to. So heck, I don't know, if you send me to heaven with 46 virgins around an oasis, and that's just how things work there, would I "prefer" to pick a favorite and exist in monogamy? You know - probably not. But here in this world, where I live, I can only imagine myself making one strong, deep, intimate connection with another human being at a time. Whether that's because that's the way society molds my expectations, or if it's truly in my nature, I can't really tell. Enough seriousness. I'm going back to the witticisms.
underpants Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 I think this is a bad idea. If I were dating a girl I was serious about--or even one I wasn't, for that matter--and she told me this I would assume it was because she was planning on doing so herself and I wouldn't consider herself long-term material. I think you're shooting yourself in the foot with this one, underpants. Well, that is not something I qualify/blurt out on the first date. Yet, I feel my way around that sitch early on. Also I have been burned and (attempted returned to ) way too many times to want to remember. ...disclaimer...I am still here. So obviously, I still have things to learn, but weeding out I believe might be my talent. *my switch is never wrong*
Cobra_X30 Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Not for me. However, I am concluding I am not the norm, perhaps. If I sense a competition. I will concede. It is almost a reflex. I never give the second chance. However, I will let you dig a hole. Your smart Unders. Smart always trumps instinct. However, focus less on hidden desires. Instead tell them exactly what you will accept. Otherwise you may create an entrapment situation. Not this woman! I lose interest in a man if he has a wandering eye. I disengage if I see that. It's like he bursts the bubble when he does that. I can't be with a man who isn't all about me, and the LAST thing I'll do is compete with anyone else for his attention. I respectfully disagree. I remember that there is a reason you can post in the OW section with authority. So, while it may not be so today... perhaps even you were prone to this in the past. It usually takes women to the age of 40-50 to get where you are currently at on this. My assumption is that maybe hormones play a role. Progesterone or Estrogen. Maybe also why low testosterone males seem less attractive.
carrotgirl Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 I don't know about that, Tan. I think I have a pretty big character. Johan! You know how I feel about that.... Where were you last month? Really! Am I right in concuding that most guys would be in open relationships if they could, My guy would sooner cut his penis in half than be in an open relatonship. Don't ask me how I know this. Just accept. The more interest a man gets from other females... the more a woman will want to try harder to keep her man. The guys who are highly monogamous are the ones that get cheated on the most. Nope. If I sense a competition. I will concede. It is almost a reflex. Indeed! I'm not interested in competing for my guy's attention with anyone or anything for that matter, unless maybe it's food. So if your crackberry chirps mid boff, too bad for you. This just sounds like one of those "Do these jeans make me look fat?" questions to which there is no right answer and the result is an inevitable whirlpool that sucks you down into a hellish nightmare. T, the right answer is .... I think you're hot. Get over here and let's get those jeans off. Carrot
Ocean-Blue Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Am I right in concuding that most guys would be in open relationships if they could, and women are the main force keeping exclusive relationships the status quo in our society? For guys reading this: if you were in love with a girl would you still want to have sex with other women if your girlfriend was cool with it? Or does your desire to spread your seed fizzle when you become attached to one woman? I suspect there's a double standard where guys aren't cool with their girlfriends sleeping with other men, but they would eagerly screw around on their girlfriends if it were acceptable to do so. By acceptable I mean that guilt weren't a factor. In both of my serious relationships, I was probably more of the "iffy" one, in terms of monogamy (especially in my first relationship). I don't buy this whole "spreading the seed" idea. I think we give too much credit to a man's sexual drive - it's a part of him, but it is not the sole force in his life. A man who commits (of his own volition) commits for life (at least, this has been my experience). If anything, it's the women that flounder sometimes (thoughts of "what if" and the grass is greener syndrome). While it may be a gross generalization, I've noticed that when a relationship begins to go sour, a man will shut down and become complacent/indifferent. A woman, however, will begin to fantasize about other men and think of the "what ifs"... Her mind begins to wander before his does. The man is more likely to stay and deal with the loose ends before allowing himself to jump ship.
Trimmer Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 My guy would sooner cut his penis in half than be in an open relatonship. Don't ask me how I know this. Just accept. That's the explanation you settled on for why he's only 3" in full bloom? So if your crackberry chirps mid boff, too bad for you. Aauuugh - the English-to-American translator in my brain just exploded... T, the right answer is .... I think you're hot. Get over here and let's get those jeans off. OK, I'll remember that.... Do you think it would ruin the mood if I follow up with "Oh yeah, I got that line from Carrot..."
Cobra_X30 Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 OK, I'll remember that.... Do you think it would ruin the mood if I follow up with "Oh yeah, I got that line from Carrot..." That may depend on the size of carrot!
Phateless Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Am I right in concuding that most guys would be in open relationships if they could, and women are the main force keeping exclusive relationships the status quo in our society? For guys reading this: if you were in love with a girl would you still want to have sex with other women if your girlfriend was cool with it? Or does your desire to spread your seed fizzle when you become attached to one woman? I suspect there's a double standard where guys aren't cool with their girlfriends sleeping with other men, but they would eagerly screw around on their girlfriends if it were acceptable to do so. By acceptable I mean that guilt weren't a factor. If it's the right girl I don't have any particular desire to sleep with anyone else. Occasionally I'll get the physical urge if my girl is gone and another girl is coming onto me, but I have no problem ignoring it. If she told me she honestly wouldn't mind at all... I'd consider it.
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