must b emad Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Hi there, I'm new here and looking for some advice. I've posted elsewhere aswell as I didn;t know this section was here. I have a very good friend, I suppose my MM and we now have a full blown affair. We met 12 years ago and went out for a while, I was single he was married, didn;t know this at first and when i found out called things off. We have been there for each other and it's good to know that you can pick up a phone and no someone is there for you. I'm going to be totally truthful and say that we have in the last year started seeing each other again, we have met up and a year ago we started texting and contact over PC. I have very strong feelings for this guy, don't know if love or lust even cover it. But I care about him a hell of alot. He feels the same way. I am now married aswell and he is an escape, i tell him things I could never tell DH - and i feel crap that i can;t speak to DH like this. I love DH to bits and I know you can judge and say how can i love him, but my MM has been there since I was 16 and i suppose it's just a fall back. I made the decision last week to end it once and for all, and I made the mistake of meetign with him to say this. Ended up not finishing things - AGAIN! We are good friends and know alot of people in common, none of whom know about us. His wife knows me and is very jealous (can;t blame her!) and my DH knows him and doesn;t like him at all. So it's not like we can have an open friendship, so it gets complicated. God Why can;t men and women be friends and not involve SEX. Anyway problem lies (getting to the point now) with the fact that I saw him on Saturday and said we would meet on Monday - but I have been trying to get out and called him on Saturday night to say enough was enough, but there was no answer. Called him a few times on Sunday, i have his number but he doesn;t have mine - he can only contact me online, this is due to him being on a contract phone. maybe it suits him to have me doing all the running. Back to the point! I called him this morning and still on answer machine, well I'm a very big pessimist and start things the worst - something has happened!, Then tell myself to snap out of it. My works phone went about 9.15 this morning and it was MM, he told me not to worry but he was in hospital and had been involved in a bad car crash on Sunday, he would be okay and would speak to me soon. My heart nearly stopped, but i settled myself to the fact he said he was okay. I have a friend who says that the diagnosis doesn;t look good, he has massive internal bleeding which they cannot stem and he is back in surgery, his back is shattered, broken shoulder, wrist, leg and ankle and severe bruising. OMG!!!!! Will be going to a spinal injury unit, then ICU, I just want to break down but can't and I don;t know if this information is correct - I don;t know how I can find out! A friend of his lives near me, but i can't just go up and ask or they will get suspicious. How is the OW meant to feel in this situation? Not only that - can you imagine if i had been in the car with him? How the hell do you explain that scenario! Really don;t know what answers I;m lloking for - it's just good to be able to get it all off my chest - I feel so alone just now regarding this as no-one knows.
TMCM Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 God Why can;t men and women be friends and not involve SEX. Friends don't sleep with each other, especially if they are married to other people. I take it by this comment that your affair with the OM has become sexual. Is this correct?
Bryanp Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Just a quick question but how would you feel if your husband was doing to you what you are doing to him? You have massively disrespected your husband and your marriage and have put your husband possibly at risk for STD's. Has your husband ever cheated on you or totally disrespected you to such an extend that you have done to your husband? I am sorry but a true friend would not be screwing a married woman and putting her marriage at great risk. If you have any respect left for your husband then you need to be open, honest and upfront with him about the affair so he can decide how he wishes to live his life and not be so horribly manipulated as you are doing to him. I am curious but does your husband deserve what you have been doing to him?
johnny47 Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 If you have any respect left for your husband then you need to be open, honest and upfront with him about the affair so he can decide how he wishes to live his life and not be so horribly manipulated as you are doing to him. I am curious but does your husband deserve what you have been doing to him? I disagree, do not tell your H....that is the greater disrespect. This is something your own soul must bare. But I think that your H already knows or senses it. You must talk to a professional and find out a way to forgive yourself. If you really look at your relationship with your lover you will discover that your companionship was a friendship of a different kind. You needed each other to experience an long gone fantasy world and he will always be in that world for you. You cannot go back there. There are many worlds, each one better than the last one. You must look at your current marriage and make a decision as to go further, with or without your H. But let me warn you...be truthful from now on, do not hurt others, and feed your soul wth the positive things of life, as your Lover is experiencing "life can be taken from you at a blink of an eye."
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 How is the OW meant to feel in this situation? Terrified over losing him. Depressed over being reminded of your place. Frustrated that you can't be there. Anxious over him being banged up and in pain. Sad that for all intents and purposes your affair is over.
Cobra_X30 Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 I have very strong feelings for this guy, don't know if love or lust even cover it. But I care about him a hell of alot. He feels the same way. I am now married aswell and he is an escape, i tell him things I could never tell DH - and i feel crap that i can;t speak to DH like this. I love DH to bits and I know you can judge and say how can i love him, but my MM has been there since I was 16 and i suppose it's just a fall back. Not only that - can you imagine if i had been in the car with him? How the hell do you explain that scenario! Really don;t know what answers I;m lloking for - it's just good to be able to get it all off my chest - I feel so alone just now regarding this as no-one knows. So... how do you justify what your doing to your husband, to MM's family? Is this just a joke to you?
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