4givrnt4gtr Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 I have a question regarding finances and relationships If i suggest to my SO that we do something, say, go horseback riding, or go bungee jumping etc, am I expected to pay for it? Im not quite sure what to think of it. One side of me says since i came up with the idea and asked him to come along, I should pay for it...But then another side says he should at least pay his half of it. Last weekend he and I went horseback riding, and I told him we needed cash cuz they wouldnt accept cards. He told me to take it out of my account and he would pay me back. Then after the ride he told me that we should go shooting next weekend, and that he'll pay for it since i paid for the horseback riding I had originally thought to pay for both of us anyway since it was pretty cheap. But then a friend of mine said he should pay, not only for himself but also for me. I didnt agree but conceded that he should pay for his half.... Its really not a big deal since he is going to take us to a shooting range instead of paying back his half. (as in, im not feeling like he is being cheap) But im still wondering how that works...who pays and how do you bring it up without sounding crass about it?
curiousnycgirl Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 I hate rules around any of this stuff! However if there must be rules, I guess s/he who suggested the activity should pay. I think it is positively prehistoric to think men should always pay - and frankly quite unfair. The old ways just don't work in today's society or economy. Just my two cents.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted February 11, 2008 Author Posted February 11, 2008 I hate rules around any of this stuff! However if there must be rules, I guess s/he who suggested the activity should pay. I think it is positively prehistoric to think men should always pay - and frankly quite unfair. The old ways just don't work in today's society or economy. Just my two cents. Hmm i agree with you.. My only concern is that Im usually the one who suggests activities like those so I would be the one footing the bill all the time and quite frankly...I dont have that much money. How about half and half? is that feasible? if so, how do you bring that up??
curiousnycgirl Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 See now this is why I hate rules - often what you wrote above is the case, one person is a planner and the other isn't. You don't say how old you are, or how long you two have been together - or if one of you makes more than the other (all these things might change my answer). So assuming you've been dating a while (so you two are an estblished couple), and that you each make about the same - How about suggesting that you two flip flop who picks up the tab. So as he suggested you pay for the riding, and he pays for the shooting.
Lucasarts Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 all this talk about woman's independence in todays society, and we still have to argue about who pays for who? I just find it ironic when a woman will argue about getting paid fairly for decent wages and equal opportunity in the work area, but still expect to be paid for when it comes to dating and doing things with their SO. Honestly, I believe that each person should pay for their own share, if they dont want to. . .then don't do it/come along. Expecting to be paid for is just arrogance and indecent, no matter what you think. If the guy really likes you enough (or girl) then it should be seen as a sound, sincere gesture of kindness that he/she is willing to pay for your share as well. just my 2 cents
curiousnycgirl Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Oops sorry forgot to answer how to bring it up - if you are established couple - just say it! Tell him you know dating is expensive, and while you can't foot the whole bill, you would be very happy to pitch in, or pay for some of the outings, or whatever you decide.
norajane Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 As an established couple, I'd say that you should have an understanding that activities are split down the middle unless one of you specifically offers to treat. How you handle that split can vary. With my SO's, we have generally gone back and forth with one of us picking up the tab one night and the other another night so it works out relatively even. However, at my age (40) guys tend not to want to let me pay very often, so going out doesn't end up an even split. BUT, when my SO is at my place, it's my wine or beer he's drinking, and I bought the groceries if I've made dinner, so it kinda evens out. Basically, work out whatever works between you two and don't worry about what other people are doing. It sounds like he chose the "you pay for this activity and I'll pay for the next one" approach, which is generally fair. Don't let your friend's input mess up a system that's working for you and your SO!
Lauriebell82 Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 My bf have had conflict about this in the past..I don't see why it's such a huge deal. Since I'm limited in funds he usually suggests to do something and offer to treat. If i have extra money at the time I will offer to treat him to something. I think that if you suggest doing something than you should suggest treating unless the other person offers to chip in. When my bf and I do this we don't have arguments. If he says "well, why don't I treat you to this next time since you did it this time" is fair I think. My bf and I do that all the time, esp. when renting movies or things of that nature (inexpensive things). That seems to work well.
BUENG1 Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Hmm i agree with you.. My only concern is that Im usually the one who suggests activities like those so I would be the one footing the bill all the time and quite frankly...I dont have that much money. How about half and half? is that feasible? if so, how do you bring that up?? I think thats really only the case if one person suggests something that the other person might not be able to afford, most likely early on. I think u guys got it right it should be about fifty fifty and if its not an issue don't worry about it.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Hmm i agree with you.. My only concern is that Im usually the one who suggests activities like those so I would be the one footing the bill all the time and quite frankly...I dont have that much money. How about half and half? is that feasible? if so, how do you bring that up?? That's the issue my bf has..he has a lot more money so it is always him suggesting and treating. If you don't have money to do something but still want to do it then you could say something like: "Hey babe, I would love to go do this, would it be possible for you to chip in for half of it?" I generally am not a fan of splitting everything 50/50..I prefer to have one person treat and just kind of take turns..if there is a serious descrepancy in salaries (like my bf and I) then you need to talk about how you are going to pay for activities. Do you and your bf make about the same amount of money?
BUENG1 Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 How about half and half? is that feasible? if so, how do you bring that up?? What do you need to bring up? Sound like your on the same page with everything.
fray718 Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Me and all my bfs take turns paying, but overall we split totals costs about 40:60, with him paying some of the more expensive things and me paying some of the slightly cheaper things. I've always gone with this approach and all my bfs go with it and it has never created any problems for me.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 Hey all! thank you so much for all your replies... My bf and I have beent together for 8 months now. As to salary, he makes A LOT more money than I do. (by a lot I mean he makes three figure salary, I dont even reach 40k) Having said that, he's got mortage, car payments, etc etc. I just got a car payment to worry about. The reason why i feel like I should bring it up is because, honestly, i want to keep doing fun stuff, but I cannot foot the bill all the time. I know he offered to take us shooting, his treat, this weekend (which isnt gonna happen after all, cuz he's gonna be going away to visit his brother...guess he forgot about it when he mentioned the range) but usually, it'll be easier on me and my meager budget if we split the bill down the middle when we do these type of stuff. I just dont know how to tell him. "hey hunny. uhh yeah i want to go do all this really fun things but uhhh cant really pay...mind paying your half?? Kinda crass no??
Lauriebell82 Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Hey all! thank you so much for all your replies... My bf and I have beent together for 8 months now. As to salary, he makes A LOT more money than I do. (by a lot I mean he makes three figure salary, I dont even reach 40k) Having said that, he's got mortage, car payments, etc etc. I just got a car payment to worry about. The reason why i feel like I should bring it up is because, honestly, i want to keep doing fun stuff, but I cannot foot the bill all the time. I know he offered to take us shooting, his treat, this weekend (which isnt gonna happen after all, cuz he's gonna be going away to visit his brother...guess he forgot about it when he mentioned the range) but usually, it'll be easier on me and my meager budget if we split the bill down the middle when we do these type of stuff. I just dont know how to tell him. "hey hunny. uhh yeah i want to go do all this really fun things but uhhh cant really pay...mind paying your half?? Kinda crass no?? Well you can just say something like: "Hey honey, I love doing things with you and I don't mind treating us when I can, but if I suggest doing things it would help me out if you could offer to chip in some." Also, I mean i think he is figuring that he is chipping in because you will offer to do something and treat, and then he will offer to treat you to something since you treating him. That's the same thing, except you are just taking turns and both contributing. If you would rather it just be half and half all the time then you should talk to him about it. To me though, always paying half and half isn't as nice as just each taking turns treating each other.
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