Grace112 Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 It's been 6 months. I haven't written, I haven't called, I haven't attempted to see him. Every single inch of my being still wants to do so. I wake up with an ache in my heart and gasping for breath because things seem so unreal. Last Saturday night at a club, a new friend of mine was warding off guys saying "You don't have a chance with her" or just flat out "No!" It makes me smile to think some people are so eager but when I realize that the one I want the most doesn't want to have anything to do with me - I wince. I know that nothing I can do or say with change things or bring him back. I can't help but hope for it every day. I don't say this to my friends and I don't say this to my family. It makes me feel needy and I know if he knew that he'd say I was desperate and pathetic. So here I am again - sitting at work just quietly hoping he'll come back.
Nomad1 Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Start living. Weren't you interested in any of the guys who showed interest in you? Give other people a chance to love you. He is just another man like any other. You just want him because he didn't want you. You deserve better. Go for it! Nomad1
norajane Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 You were together for 5 years, right? That's longer than the length of some marriages. It will take a long time to get over this guy and be ready to date other people, sweets. Don't beat yourself up over it - it's a normal reaction to losing someone you love, especially when they left you for someone else. Give yourself a chance to heal, don't feel bad that you aren't feeling the old mojo again. You were committed to this guys, someone you planned to marry and be with forever. You have to accept that it will take time, but you are getting a little better each month. Sometimes it's two steps forward and one step back, but you will get there. Have faith.
s_n_d Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 norajane is absolutely right. I sometimes feel the way your feeling right now..I just silently wish he would come back to me and things would be perfect..the way it WAS before the breakup.. Its going to take a lot of time before you fully get over him but I think your on your way to allowing yourself to completely heal. Stay strong.
Author Grace112 Posted February 11, 2008 Author Posted February 11, 2008 Thanks for the encouragement. I feel bad when everyone wants me to be okay and I'm just not there yet. I want to be stronger for everyone else, but it just means that everything I feel stays inside. I also appreciate you, NoraJane, pointing out that I did believe we were going to get married. I think part of the reason why my friends don't understand me is that they consider this just another break-up. Calling off the wedding forced me to do a huge reassesment of my life. For 2 years, I believed this was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. All of a sudden, he's moved across the country to spend his life with some woman and her 2 kids. I still don't think I've come to grips with that let alone the idea he's not going to be in MY life.
fabulousgal Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 It's been 6 months. I haven't written, I haven't called, I haven't attempted to see him. Every single inch of my being still wants to do so. I wake up with an ache in my heart and gasping for breath because things seem so unreal. Last Saturday night at a club, a new friend of mine was warding off guys saying "You don't have a chance with her" or just flat out "No!" It makes me smile to think some people are so eager but when I realize that the one I want the most doesn't want to have anything to do with me - I wince. I know that nothing I can do or say with change things or bring him back. I can't help but hope for it every day. I don't say this to my friends and I don't say this to my family. It makes me feel needy and I know if he knew that he'd say I was desperate and pathetic. So here I am again - sitting at work just quietly hoping he'll come back. I'm so sorry. You made me sigh when I read this. Your situation is so much harder than mine, and I can't even imagine...people tell me i should be over it, I'm scared to bring up my feelings anymore. You deserve the biggest hug in the world right now, you have every right to feel sad, and still wondering what happened. Don't put any pressure on yourself to date. I don't know how to tell you to make it go any faster, and let yourself feel this out as you go. If you feel silly talking to your friends or family go to therapy. It helps. I am really sorry love, you deserve better, and I am sorry he isn't providing that for you.
so_sad Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 ...I think part of the reason why my friends don't understand me is that they consider this just another break-up. Calling off the wedding forced me to do a huge reassesment of my life. For 2 years, I believed this was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. All of a sudden, he's moved across the country to spend his life with some woman and her 2 kids. I still don't think I've come to grips with that let alone the idea he's not going to be in MY life. Grace, I completely sympathize with you. As you know, our situations are very similar (broken engagement, 5 year relationship). Only a couple of people in my life seem to really appreciate the difference between this and a regular breakup. It is not just about the end of the relationship, it's about completely changing your plans and expectations for the future. It has been just over four months for me since the breakup yet people are asking me if I'm dating yet! I can't even imagine going on a date, let alone getting involved with someone else. We can't worry about conforming to other peoples' timetables for getting over it. It took a while for me to get over the denial stage and truly realize that he's not coming back. Once that happened things got a little easier (though it's still not great). I think it's important to try to look at things objectively and realize that you deserve someone better that this, someone who wouldn't leave you after making such a huge comittment to you. You really do deserve better than that - we all do.
Haohmaru Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 I say continue to go out with that friend of yours who keeps all the guys away. :bunny:
BrianG Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Grace, I completely sympathize with you. As you know, our situations are very similar (broken engagement, 5 year relationship). Only a couple of people in my life seem to really appreciate the difference between this and a regular breakup. It is not just about the end of the relationship, it's about completely changing your plans and expectations for the future. It has been just over four months for me since the breakup yet people are asking me if I'm dating yet! I can't even imagine going on a date, let alone getting involved with someone else. We can't worry about conforming to other peoples' timetables for getting over it. It took a while for me to get over the denial stage and truly realize that he's not coming back. Once that happened things got a little easier (though it's still not great). I think it's important to try to look at things objectively and realize that you deserve someone better that this, someone who wouldn't leave you after making such a huge comittment to you. You really do deserve better than that - we all do. In the same boat, together for 5 yrs and it only lasted 6 months of living together after signing a year lease, and now Im the one left at the apt. we got together, it sucks. I feel exactly as "so sad" I cant even imagine dating yet and dont see it happening anytime in the forseeable future. The only person that seems to undertand that its taking me this long to get over her is my counselor and she is probably doing it because I pay her. Everybody makes mistakes and after such a long committment together if they are willing to leave you/us after some bumps in the road then we definelty deserve better. I know its hard to believe or understand. But what if something major happened down the line, would they leave again or would they stick by you and work out the problems together. As so sad said as hard as it is try to look at it objectively. Its hard for me especially one it comes to matters of the heart, but I hope to one day realize it. I felt the same way about my ex of 5 yrs. I wanted her to be my last and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and was saving up for an engagement ring. You can't expect those feelings to disappear overnight. It is going to take a lot of time in my opinion. 5 yrs of being with someone and then "poof" their gone takes some getting used to. I have mainly bad days and then some good and I hope after time I will have more good then bad. I dont know if I will ever be content with the situation, but I hope to just accept it, because we don't have a choice because its out of our control.
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