stedman15 Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 I've been lying about parts of my life to my close friends. I want to come clean, but I'm scared. For the last 7 years or so, I've been lying about my level of sexual experience to my friends. I've led people to think I'm a player, but I'm actually still a virgin. I've also told others that I was once engaged, when in fact, I never was. At the time I began telling people these lies, I was insecure and fat. I thought it would make me look cool to my buddies and friends in law school. I've since gotten over some of this insecurity, and have decided that people should accept me for who I am. I'm afraid of coming clean to my friends, though. I don't want to lose them. I figure I only hurt myself with these fabrications, but it would really hurt if one of my close friends who told me they no longer wanted to talk to me. I already was forced to come clean with one friend when an ex-girlfriend of mine told her. Is there any way to come clean while minimizing the damage to my existing friendships?
Elyssa Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 If one of your friends already knows, it's only a matter of time before the rest of them find out. Tell them before it's too late. You might lose them because of the lie you told, but that's a risk you have to accept. If they find out from somebody else, though, the chances of losing them are much greater. As for minimizing the damage, stress the fact that you're telling them yourself because you respect them and apologize. Explain the reason why you lied, but don't make excuses for your behavior. -E
Taramere Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 (edited) At the time I began telling people these lies, I was insecure and fat. I thought it would make me look cool to my buddies and friends in law school. I've since gotten over some of this insecurity, and have decided that people should accept me for who I am. I'm afraid of coming clean to my friends, though. I don't want to lose them. I figure I only hurt myself with these fabrications, but it would really hurt if one of my close friends who told me they no longer wanted to talk to me. I already was forced to come clean with one friend when an ex-girlfriend of mine told her. Is there any way to come clean while minimizing the damage to my existing friendships? You've already figured out why you lied, so you'll be able to pass those reasons onto your friends. Confessing that you haven't been honest about these things is going to make you look a little ridiculous. Somewhat brave, but ridiculous nonetheless. You're almost bound to take some flak, so you'd probably best be prepared to accept it in good humour. Remember, though, that it's highly unlikely that you're the only person in your group of friends who ever fibbed to look a bit cooler. Most people, in their teens and twenties, will encounter groups and situations where they feel under pressure to bullsh*t a bit in order to fit in/avoid looking clueless (admittedly maybe not to the extent that you have). No need to throw that out - it would be unlikely to work in your favour while the spotlight's on you - but it's something you might want to quietly bear in mind depending on how your friends react to your disclosure. Edited February 11, 2008 by Taramere
dropdeadlegs Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 If you really feel the need to fess up, explain it pretty much like you explained it here. Explain that you were insecure and wanted to be liked and to fit in. Personally, I don't think your lack of sexual experience is any of their business, but if this is bothering you (lies are hard to keep up with) than absolve yourself. I wouldn't find a fabrication of this kind anything to warrant ending a friendship.
norajane Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 I'm sure they already have a clue that you're lying about being a player. It probably won't be a huge surprise. Just fess up that you were insecure and wanted to be liked. People usually respond a lot better to you coming forth with honesty than if they find out from someone else.
shanny Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Your lies weren't anything that would hurt them. You didn't do anything to them behind their backs so I can't imagine them being upset. If they are good friends they will understand the insecurity that you went through and should feel closer to you now that you have come clean. It will be a huge relief to you to not have to keep up with the lies. Lying is exhausting as I'm sure you've found out. If anything I think it will bring you closer. Good luck!
CrudeMood Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 or instead of the possible humiliation just start telling the truth from now on.
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