Just got asked out for Valentine's Day...

[THE THRONE]

If the goal was to make me cry, y'all have succeeded.

 

 

Why are you crying? Because several of us are telling you that you also had a hand in this ordeal? If we were calling you the scum of the earth and blaming all women for your actions (or vice versa) that would be one thing. However, we are telling you that the guy is not without feelings and that you need to use better judgement in the future. Now if you want to go off and cry in a corner by all means do so. If you want the truth, you are going to have to accept the fact that you loved the attention, had no interest in this guy and now have cold feet when you are placed in a position to put up or shut up.

 

In the future, stop flirting with men on a continual/constant basis if you are going to reject their advances.

[oppath]

How would you handle this situation?

 

You've been talking a lot, saying how SG did the wrong thing, but assuming she did flirt with him and lead him on and he asked her out, what is the best way to handle it now that the damage is done?

 

Do you have any valuable advice? Or are you just trolling? You haven't offered anything valuable other than "you messed up and are responsible so don't be so careless next time." Comments like that offer no insights in how to deal with the current situation. So...can you offer some advice on how to deal with the matter at hand?

[Ruby]

Normally, yes. But right now, when my heart is broken, no. I have an eggshell skull.

 

Maybe, just maybe then Star you need to look at the posts carefully and not take it personal. Why would they say it to attack you when they do not know you? Everyone has different life experiences and we all give advice on our past experience.

 

I can see valid points being made and I am sure that if you were not so emotionally involved you too would see it.

 

You are not a bad person at all Star, you are just a tad gullible and try to see the good in people. That is a lovely way to be.

 

You just need to lighten up lol x

[Walk]

What do you mean let up on her? I'm giving her the truth and she needs to hear it.

Why? She's not cock teasing the man, she just wasn't rude to him.

 

How are you helping her? You are attempting to force her to see the world the way you see it. You aren't offering anything worth while to the topic. If she did flirt, and she honestly doesn't see how she did, then how is any of your ranting helping her? Maybe one of your 7 legs can find some freakin' empathy.

 

how do you know the guy saw the flirting as miniscule? It is obvious he didn't since he asked her out, so when she rejects him, what should we say about him if he now feels bad and low? The statement of so what shouldn't have been uttered/typed because we're talking about humans and emotions here. You don't go flirting with people and playing with their emotions--period.

Wow.... all I can say is that man must have piss-poor self-esteem if he's heart broken over a date with a woman he barely knows. Are you projecting a little Throne? Maybe Star is hitting a little too close to home on her topic for you? You thought cause a girl was nice to you that she wanted a date and you felt stupid when she rejected you?

 

No one is saying she isn't a good person, however, I'm not going to leave this thread because I'm abiding by the rules of this site, and I'm at liberty to voice my opinion. She has firm footing now and she needs to hear the truth instead of the peaches & cream sermon she has been given by some of the members here.

You can voice it all you want. What I asked was that you allow Star to continue her thread without being made to feel uncomfortable for speaking her mind. Can you do that? Or is that too much for you? Maybe you're not man enough to give a woman space to come to her own conclusions? You gotta make her see things your way the old fashioned way - bully her into it.

 

Go you.

[THE THRONE]

How would you handle this situation?

 

You've been talking a lot, saying how SG did the wrong thing, but assuming she did flirt with him and lead him on and he asked her out, what is the best way to handle it now that the damage is done?

 

Do you have any valuable advice? Or are you just trolling? You haven't offered anything valuable other than "you messed up and are responsible so don't be so careless next time." Comments like that offer no insights in how to deal with the current situation. So...can you offer some advice on how to deal with the matter at hand?

 

I already said how I would handle this situation. I said it several pages ago which means you're incorrect when you say I haven't ofered anything. Here it is for your reading enjoyment:

 

If there was no acceptance on your part you need to set him straight asap, but THE THRONE says you should have done it as soon as it happened.

 

Now the best way for her to do it is to contact him asap, let him know she appreciates the offer, but that she is not ready for that level of friendship now because she is recently out of the relationship, and she wouldn't want him to be dragged into everything as the rebound guy. Once she does this, she needs to tone down her behavior.

[Star Gazer]

At approximately 2:00 today I emailed him that I'd like to meet up with him someday for a beer or something, but not on V-Day. He understood.

 

Awesome.

 

And now he just volunteered, "Hey, let's take the pressure off. Let's be friends...first. If it goes somewhere, great. If not, that's cool too."

[Ruby]

If the goal was to make me cry, y'all have succeeded.

 

Hey!!!!!!!!! You are not crying over some strangers words, you are crying as you are extremely emotional and fragile right now.

 

Just tell the guy the truth and say you are sorry for leading him on a bit. I am sure he won't die of a broken heart. Men are used to it.

 

Did you give your ex your work address? I am more concerned that he will send flowers and upset you more as he would only do it out of guilt. I have dealt with that kind of man and it is soul destroying!

[redfathom]

You don't need to cry. I have had far worse things said to me on these boards and other forums. I understand you are extra sensative. But you can't expect everyone on here to agree with you 100%. Just like RUBY said, some people are replying from their own experiences, that's all. Just take what you can from what everyone has said. No harm has been done, you did not accept. There is nothing wrong with what you intend to do which is to tell him now because you just got out of a relationship. Just be honest with him because he might have more feelings invested in this then you do. For the next few weeks or months depending on what you decide just try to look out for yourself, nurture your feelings and the loss you just suffered and move on.

[oppath]

Ok, so you said that once, but you've said a half dozen times "you led him on, shame on you. You behaved poorly." Are you trying to pour it on once for each of your legs? How did that lamb have seven legs anyway?

 

Have you ever been rejected by a woman? Do you honestly get upset each time you are told "no."

[redfathom]

Does he know you just got out of a relationship?

[Ruby]

At approximately 2:00 today I emailed him that I'd like to meet up with him someday for a beer or something, but not on V-Day. He understood.

 

Awesome.

 

And now he just volunteered, "Hey, let's take the pressure off. Let's be friends...first. If it goes somewhere, great. If not, that's cool too."

 

There you go, you have sorted it out and no one died!

 

Star you are a strong woman hiding in an innocent woman's body, let yourself out!

[redfathom]

One last question, do you see yourself wanting to date this man in the future?

[Walk]

At approximately 2:00 today I emailed him that I'd like to meet up with him someday for a beer or something, but not on V-Day. He understood.

 

Awesome.

 

And now he just volunteered, "Hey, let's take the pressure off. Let's be friends...first. If it goes somewhere, great. If not, that's cool too."

 

Thats awesome Star!!

 

 

 

 

Just ignore Throne. If you can't NOT respond to him, then put him on your ignore list and it'll block all his posts.

[Star Gazer]

One last question, do you see yourself wanting to date this man in the future?

 

Why does that matter? We're going to be friends for now...

[Ruby]

One last question, do you see yourself wanting to date this man in the future?

 

It would not be healthy for Star to be thinking about dating anyone right now. She has had her heart ripped in two and needs to heal and work on herself before she will be able to be happy with another ..... That will take at least another week!:lmao::lmao: Only joking about the last bit, I couldnt resist lol

[redfathom]

Because he has the expectation that if he is nice, does and says all the right things that their is hope that in the future you might go out with him. It matters to him. I you want to only be friends, it's best to tell him now. Who knows if you don't want to EVER date him not maybe you will in the future. But he deserves to know if there is a chance. Maybe he won't want to invest so much time and effort in to any relationship with you if there is no chance of the two of you hooking up at which point I think it's only fair to let him decid if he wants to waste his time and is okay settling with friens as the only possible outcom.

[Star Gazer]

Because he has the expectation that if he is nice, does and says all the right things that their is hope that in the future you might go out with him. It matters to him. I you want to only be friends, it's best to tell him now. Who knows if you don't want to EVER date him not maybe you will in the future. But he deserves to know if there is a chance. Maybe he won't want to invest so much time and effort in to any relationship with you if there is no chance of the two of you hooking up at which point I think it's only fair to let him decid if he wants to waste his time and is okay settling with friens as the only possible outcom.

 

How can I possibly know now whether or not we have romantic potential? I don't understand what you're asking me to do here...

[redfathom]

Do you like him? If you were in the position to date him now would you? I understand it's hard to think about those feelings for him when you have so many other feelings to worry about. Just think about it for a while.

[Ruby]

How can I possibly know now whether or not we have romantic potential? I don't understand what you're asking me to do here...

 

I think what is being said is that the guy obviously wants to be more than friends so tread careful. A guy who is attracted to you never just wants to be friends, he is saying that to remain close to you .

 

He wants to date you Star, so if you do not feel that is what you want then back off and then you wont be in this position again.

 

Does that make sense?

[redfathom]

Maybe you should consider responding to him like this:

 

V-day is not the only reason I declined the date, I also just got out of a serious relationship (I am guessing you left that out because you did not mention it and I am assuming, forgive, me that you are embarrased to say that you recently broke up with someone) and I don't know how long it will be until I am ready to start dating. If you would like to be friends, I think that's great and I would love to be friends with you but I want to be clear with you on your expectations because I don't want you to get hurt. I don't see anything wrong with saying that to him.

[oppath]

Do you like him? If you were in the position to date him now would you? I understand it's hard to think about those feelings for him when you have so many other feelings to worry about. Just think about it for a while.

 

When you use the word date, it sounds like you mean DATE DATE DATE. She can't know that. She barely knows him. Dating is the process of slowly getting to know someone over time. There is no way to know if you would date someone -- as in telling your friends "I am dating this new guy" -- until you've gone out with him several times. The act of dating means going on dates. To say "I am dating this person" implies you have gone on multiple dates with him and hope to continue. There is no way to know that right now regardless of where she is at emotionally.

[melodymatters]

When you use the word date, it sounds like you mean DATE DATE DATE. She can't know that. She barely knows him. Dating is the process of slowly getting to know someone over time. There is no way to know if you would date someone -- as in telling your friends "I am dating this new guy" -- until you've gone out with him several times. The act of dating means going on dates. To say "I am dating this person" implies you have gone on multiple dates with him and hope to continue. There is no way to know that right now regardless of where she is at emotionally.[/quote

 

Oppath, Yes, thank you !

[Dumbledore]

Actually, a date is just a date. He probably isn't going to get down on one knee at the end of dinner, and ask for her hand in marriage, but I suppose I could be wrong.

 

Interestingly, 72% of people in a recent poll have had sex on a first date. Furthermore, 27% of people report having sex on a first date regularly (assuming they didn't misread the question to mean they did it at least six times in one night). That's food for thought, I think.

[Lauriebell82]

I'm sorry that you feel others are attacking you on this thread SG. Just because you flirted doesn't mean you lead him on or forced him to ask you out. You said yourself that you aren't ready to date so I think you should just politely decline and tell him that think it is too soon for you to be dating.

 

I think everyone needs to give SG a break here..i don't think she forced him to ask her out, he did it out of his own volition. It's just bad timing, and she needs to heal.

[Star Gazer]

Do you like him? If you were in the position to date him now would you? I understand it's hard to think about those feelings for him when you have so many other feelings to worry about. Just think about it for a while.

 

If you're asking, for example, if I would have dated him BEFORE my BF came into my life, then the answer is yes - absolutely. However, given my present emotional state, I feel incapable of even being interested in anyone else.