Just got asked out for Valentine's Day...

[Star Gazer]

...by that new guy who's been flirting with me. He seems to have planned out an entire evening!

 

It's too much pressure for a first date, right? I am actually a little sick to my stomach just thinking about it...

[fray718]

Wait, I thought you already have a bf!?!?

[Pyro]

Thats definitely too much too soon. Something like that should be planned if you two were somewhere near exclusively dating each other. A first date should be something simple.

[blind_otter]

Thats definitely too much too soon. Something like that should be planned if you two were somewhere near exclusively dating each other. A first date should be something simple.

 

Word. Agree 100% that is way too much pressure for a first date!!

[StussyMagnet]

Interesting! Reason being, I met someone at the weekend and was gonna call her tonight for a date but the only day I have free for the next couple of weks is Valentine's Day.

 

After reading you post, I guess it's a no-no then!

[Star Gazer]

So what do I say to him??

[blind_otter]

So what do I say to him??

 

"Maybe we can go out on a less-intense day."

[Pyro]

Interesting! Reason being, I met someone at the weekend and was gonna call her tonight for a date but the only day I have free for the next couple of weks is Valentine's Day.

 

After reading you post, I guess it's a no-no then!

 

A first date on Valentines day isn't the problem. The problem is that the guy said he has a whole evening planned already.

[curiousnycgirl]

OK before we freak out, let's think about it. This is someone you already know - not some random guy you met online or at a bar, so a planned date might not be so bad. Clearly he wants to impress you, which is is sweet.

 

Forget about the fact that it happens to be valentines day - it's thursday that's all.

 

Now what's he got planned? Is it stuff you enjoy? Or is there the potential that you might be bored and/or hate it?

[Art_Critic]

It's too much pressure for a first date, right?

 

 

With expectations comes pressure.. He already has his expectations set too high so there really will be too much pressure.

 

Why not this weekend instead ?

[Star Gazer]

Now what's he got planned? Is it stuff you enjoy? Or is there the potential that you might be bored and/or hate it?

 

Wine and apps at a nice, romantic wine bar.

Followed by dinner at a nice, romantic Spanish restaurant next door.

Followed by dessert at a nearby dessert-y place.

 

It's too much, I'm literally panicking.

 

Did I tell you that ex called today and asked for my work address? He's been very sweet and interested-seeming the past few days...

 

Ugh, this is terrible. I'm going to cry.

[Art_Critic]

Did I tell you that ex called today and asked for my work address? He's been very sweet and interested-seeming the past few days...

 

You need to seal that casket up....

 

Any Valentines from him will be opening old wounds... Not enough time has gone by for you to get a sure footing yet to deal with him on an emotional level..

Not to mention there is now another guy in the wings

[Star Gazer]

You need to seal that casket up....

 

Any Valentines from him will be opening old wounds... Not enough time has gone by for you to get a sure footing yet to deal with him on an emotional level..

 

I know, I know. But I can't let go yet, I just can't. I'm trying, but I can't...

 

Not to mention there is now another guy in the wings

 

I'm not sure I even like him, and even if I did, I'm clearly not ready for this...

[Star Gazer]

"Maybe we can go out on a less-intense day."

 

That sounds good. I don't want him to feel blown off, or like his idea was crazy...

[JamesM]

Not to mention there is now another guy in the wings

 

And probably many more willing to line up behind him.

 

I am guessing that the reason it feels to soon for a date is that you carry this fear that you will be hurt again. This is understandable.

 

Yet love is a risk no matter how often or how few times the heart gets broken.

[curiousnycgirl]

I agree with AC - ditch the ex. Go full NC (OMG I'm a broken record)

 

Does the new guy know about the ex?

[oppath]

I'd tell the new guy "that's a bit much for me on such an intense day, but I'd love to try that dessert place with you on another night."

[redfathom]

I have only followed some of your posts, but you seem to ALWAYS be starting a relationship. I had a friend just like you. If one relationship ended she never dealt with those feelings, instead she went out and would immediatly date someone, sometimes more then one person. She always needed attention to feel like she was someone, someone else had to make her feel happy. She was never able to make herself feel happy. It seemed like she felt empty when it was just her.

 

You have two guy in the wings after breaking up with someone yesterday. Like my friend she could never truly commit to someone because while she was dating or even in a "committed" relationship she was always keeping an eye out for the next guy or two. She always needed to invest so much time working on plan B that she never fully thought our plan A.

 

I personally think you should skip the date and hang solo for a while. Maybe you keeping going from relationship to relationship because you don't really know what it is that YOU want in someone or a relationship. You should take some time out for yourself to figure this out.

 

You don't really give yourself much needed time to figure out what went wrong in your last relationships.

Edited February 11, 2008 by redfathom

[EnigmaXOXO]

Ugh, this is terrible. I'm going to cry.

 

Terrible??? Cripes, if only I had your problems when I was twenty beating all the men off of me!!

 

By the way ... what’s that perfume you’re wearing? I want some!!

 

Anyway, if you really like the guy ... I’d say GO. Just a date like any other, providing there are no expectations on either end. Could be fun, if not, nothing wrong with having a nice dinner in pleasant company. Or should I say ... present company. (wink, wink) If you’re worried about leading the guy on, then you could always offer to pay your share later. That usually sends a subtle signal that you prefer to keep things ‘casual’ for now.

[Star Gazer]

I have only followed some of your posts, but you seem to ALWAYS be starting a relationship. I had a friend just like you. If one relationship ended she never dealt with those feelings, instead she went out and would immediatly date someone, sometimes more then one person. She always needed attention to feel like she was someone, someone else had to make her feel happy. She was never able to make herself feel happy. It seemed like she felt empty when it was just her.

 

You have two guy in the wings after breaking up with someone yesterday. Like my friend she could never truly commit to someone because while she was dating or even in a "committed" relationship she was always keeping an eye out for the next guy or two. She always needed to invest so much time working on plan B that she never fully thought our plan A.

 

I personally think you should skip the date and hang solo for a while. Maybe you keeping going from relationship to relationship because you don't really know what it is that YOU want in someone or a relationship. You should take some time out for yourself to figure this out.

 

I hear what you're saying, but again, there are some errors.

 

We didn't break up yesterday, we broke up last Tuesday, almost a week ago. I know, still not a long time, but it's not literally yesterday.

 

I don't have two guys waiting in the wings, I have one. And he's not really "waiting" - he's simply interested (VERY interested, it seems).

 

I'm seriously NOT one of those "always in a relationship" people. I date a lot, sure, but before my now-ex I hadn't had a BF since... um... May 2006? I think... I didn't go looking for this new guy either. Quite honestly, I DO want a relationship... but as much as it pains me to say it, I want a relationship with my now-ex. I want him to be ready, willing, and able to give me what I want, but he's not. I don't want to bounce into a new relationship, while at the same time I don't want to sit around waiting forever to get over him either.

[oppath]

RedFathom, I would say going out with this guy is fine but it wouldn't hurt to qualify it with "you know, I just got out of a relationship like a week ago. If you want to hang out and get to know each other, that is cool, but it is too intense to do all those things with you on Valentine's."

[Star Gazer]

Anyway, if you really like the guy ... I’d say GO.

 

How can I possibly really like this guy? I am still in love with ex-BF, however crazy that might seem to everyone.

 

I can't do this. I have to tell him to go away.

[sb129]

You need to seal that casket up....

 

Any Valentines from him will be opening old wounds... Not enough time has gone by for you to get a sure footing yet to deal with him on an emotional level..

Not to mention there is now another guy in the wings

 

I agree 100%....... you don't need any more mixed signals from you -know-who. Him acknowledging V-day is going to be a double edged sword IMO.

 

Redfathom had some very good points too.

 

I think that you should definitely not go on this date ESPECIALLY on Valentines Day. Its way too much too soon. I do have to give him credit though- the guy is brave, thats for sure!

 

Tough love SG, tough love. Don't go out of the frying pan into the fire sweetie.... give yourself some time out.

[whichwayisup]

So what do I say to him??

 

Be honest. Tell you JUST got out of a relationship, and your emotions are still very raw and you aren't ready for this type of romantic date, especially on V-Day right around the corner.

 

Tell him you're not looking for anything serious, you can't handle it as your heart won't be into it at all.

 

Uhh, he does know that you're fresh out of a relationship right? I just hope he isn't trying to take advantage of your vunerablity.....OR, is he trying to cheer you up, but trying too hard?

[redfathom]

A week so far and a few weeks more will not be forever and may be more therpudic then trying to deal with those feelings and potential feelings for someone else. Maybe you have not been in a serious committed relationship since 2006, but for your sake think about how many men you have tried dating or dated casually (you don't have say how many, this is for you to think about). I have never dated so I don't have my own experiences to compare to (I have been married for over seven years) but it might (to you) seem like a marathon list of dates and maybe you should take a break to rest and refocus on what you want, need and deserve out of a relationship.

 

Going out on dates or dating will not help you get over your EX faster, it may even slow the process because there will be too many other feelings for you to focus on instead of the ones with your EX.

 

Have a girls night. Being married I can say, that you do need to enjoy some single time espcially while you are young.