bentnotbroken Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Heck I would be screaming it from the rooftops. Her husband deserves to know she is still lying to him. She doesn't want him if she is contacting your H.
twice_shy Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Only if her life is threatened. The only thing she threated was to out the truth. Nothing against the law about that. Yes, in that case nothing unlawful there.
twice_shy Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 If I were you I would leave it.. I wouldn't tell her husband unless she doesn't stop... You have warned her so just wait and see. Ignore her.. I think that's the best thing for both you and your husband, just ignore her. Must be Lizzie's married man she is gonna tell.
silktricks Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 If I were you I would leave it.. I wouldn't tell her husband unless she doesn't stop... You have warned her so just wait and see. Ignore her.. I think that's the best thing for both you and your husband, just ignore her. WOW - Lizzie - this has got to be a first for me. :) I agree with you :)
Gwyneth Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 This is a very similiar story to mine, other than I am the OW. He and I would go to parks and kiss and stuff--clearly that's more than EA. Touching and kissing is physical (in my world at least). Every time his wife would become suspicious, he would for about a week be "good" but then right back to square one with me. His wife changed his phone number but now he just uses pay phones and his coworker's cell to call me--he even said she suggested that's what he does to talk to me still. She caught him emailing me--he created a secret account to email me at. She demanded the password for the former email account but he had already deleted all the messages. Honestly, it sounds like your H is really trying to make things work between you and He. I say this because my MM was still finding ways to cheat on his wife, but your husband was upfront honest with you and even showed you proof. I'm not saying this makes him cheating husband of the year, but it does say something. Still to this day, my MM isn't being upfront and honest with his wife--and they are now trying for a baby. Guess who's pregnant though and not telling him? Me. What goes around comes around. Be the least grateful that he's showing you if not all, then some of the things that were emailed and said during their affair. I think that proves his love for him--and the fact that he has a Very guilty conscience (sp).
White Flower Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 It wasn't wrong to do what you did because your H already recommitted himself to you and you had every right to defend a M where both partners are willing to work at keeping it together. After all, she is the one that kept calling even after he told her it was over, right? You don't actually have to go through with the threat, though. She hasn't slept with your H and her H doesn't need to know at this point.
justice Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Her husband deserves to know, just as you deserved to know. Being kept in the dark is a horrible experience. You need to tell him and you also need to keep the proof you have, emails, etc. in a safe place and give copies to her H. You never know, your H may cheat again and you'll need those for court. Not saying he's going to, just saying be safe and play smart and keep documentation, it's so valuable in the system these days. But yeah, tell him just what kind of a lying, cheating person he is with. He needs to be able to make an informed decision just like you did.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 A few months ago my H confessed to me that he was having a EA with his co-worker this EA was going on for 5 months,honestly i think it was a bit more than a EA because they would meet each other in certain parking lots and hang out for a bit they would hug and make out basically,so i see that as more than a EA dont you agree? My husband basically told me oneday that he needed to talk to me about something he told me he had been seeing this OW but he doesnt want to continue the A with her and if i was willing to work things out him,he said i want to be honest with you about everything.He had a second email that she told him to create so they can keep in contact he told me here is my password to that email address you can go a read all the emails and i will be more than willing to answer any questions you have. Obviously i decided to work things out with him he broke things of with the OW right away,but when he did this she started to come on stronger towards him she told she had strong feelings towards him she started calling his cell constantly she kept approaching him at work she even told him she was ready to finally have sex with him these are her exact words on the last email she sent him "i always wanted our first time we have sex to be special and im ready to finally have sex with you my husband is going out of town i want you to come over and f^^k me on his bed". All of a sudden we figured she got the hint because she stopped approaching him ,stopped calling him and stopped sending him emails,this stopped for about 3 weeks then all of a sudden last week she stated her calls again she called twice my H doesnt answer the phone when she calls he told me he was going to change his cell# i told him no i dont want him to. Last week i sent her a email telling her if she continues to call my H cell phone or if she even approaches him at work i will give her H copies of all the emails she sent my H and i will send him copies of the pics she sent my H of her and her kids,i told her dont take this as a threat take it as a promise and i suggest you don't test me,i said yo ushould be ashamed of yourself for disrespecting your husband and your kids by trying to invite my H over to your house to have sex with you and the bed you and your husband share. So my question is was this a good idea to do to her was i wrong for this ? when i sent her the email she was at work another co-worker told my H that he went in her office and she was crying he said he asked her what was wrong she said its just personal issues and she even left work early .Should i have just left it alone and just told her nicely not to contact my H anymore BTW i already have told her nicely once over the phone and she was full of attitude,do you think i should have givin her another chance and told her nicely again did i go to far? I think you have every right and I also think you and your H have a obligation to tell her H. If for no other reason then for his own health I'm not saying your H is sick or has stds or nothing. But if she cheated with you H she will eventually cheat with other men as well. Plus think of it this way wouldn't you have wanted to be told by some one if your H hadn't told you? I would print everything out and have it sent to her Hs work place with a kind worded letter. It will be a hard day at the office for him but in the long run it will be better. I'd put your contact details on it don't send it to their house tho to easy for her to get her hands on it 1st. Its not a threat to her its a huge favor to him I say.
Trojan John Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Yes, tell her husband. If my wife were cheating, I would definitely want to know about it and would not care who told me. People don't give a shyte about each other these days it seems. You may want to invest in a keylogger for your computer (assuming he wrote the email from a computer you have access to). Not saying he's doing anything, but just to be on the safe side. Anyone can make hundreds of new and free e-mail addresses daily. I've got about 7 for various reasons.
OWoman Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 OK dana would say "it's semantics" but to me there's a big difference between warning and threatening. The email, if described accurately, I'd classify as "warning" rather than threatening - it cautions her that there will be consequences if she doesn't back off. Threatening gets into a whole other league of intimidation, IMO, and ups the ante. I think the warning was warranted in the context. If the warning is not heeded, then the consequences which were outlined can be followed through - using your discretion as to whether that is appropriate at the time, in that context.
TerryTeardrop Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Tell her husband! Why should she get off scott free? She has disrespected your and you marriage and flaunted it in your face. This woman wanted to screw your husband why are you worried? And why are you still with a cheating loser like that? Surely you deserve more? Tell him!
MakeLemonade Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Tell her husband! Why should she get off scott free? She has disrespected your and you marriage and flaunted it in your face. This woman wanted to screw your husband why are you worried? And why are you still with a cheating loser like that? Surely you deserve more? Tell him! She won't get off scott-free - what goes around comes around and karma is a big ole beyotch. It's just really not your place to take it there, as long as she stays away from your H. I know it seems like it should be, but MHO is that it is best to let other people's relationships be played out by the players themselves. Unless she tries whorin' w/ your hubby again, then....she has been forewarned.
NoIDidn't Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 You were totally within your rights - whether it came from you or your H. The point is you are telling her the unwanted communication has to stop. Nothing threatening about what you did at all. Its nice of you to have not told her H already, truth be told. Especially after she offered to sleep with another man in a bed she shares with him!!!! Not threatening. At all. If she took that to the police, she'd get laughed out of the precinct.
ICallsEmAsISeesEm Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 ..."i always wanted our first time we have sex to be special and im ready to finally have sex with you my husband is going out of town i want you to come over and f^^k me on his bed".LMAO. Well...isn't THIS one a class act? Last week i sent her a email telling her if she continues to call my H cell phone or if she even approaches him at work i will give her H copies of all the emails she sent my H and i will send him copies of the pics she sent my H of her and her kidsWhy HAVEN'T you told her husband? He should know REGARDLESS of your reasons for telling him. Why cover up their dirty little secret and knowingly let this poor guy live a lie? Knowing, but not telling him, makes you an accomplice to their affair. Quite frankly, who gives a rat's ass what happens to this ditch pig. She certainly has ZERO respect for YOU.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 She won't get off scott-free - what goes around comes around and karma is a big ole beyotch. It's just really not your place to take it there, as long as she stays away from your H. I know it seems like it should be, but MHO is that it is best to let other people's relationships be played out by the players themselves. Unless she tries whorin' w/ your hubby again, then....she has been forewarned. Woulden't you want some one to tell you if this was you tho? Honestly you wouldent want anyone to tell you?
SpanksTheMonkey Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 i just have mixed emotions about this at times i feel guilty for thinking about showing her H because she has kids and that the main thing i think about,then at times i get angry because i feel she doesnt care about how i feel and she tries to contact my H even after my H and i have both told her to back off me being much nicer than my H towards her. Why should you feel guilty? this women continued to pursue your H after he made it very clear he wasn't interested. Besides wouldn't you feel more guilty knowing that her H has no idea of her cheating? Like I said once before after a while if she can't get your H back shes obversely not happy in her M for what ever reason so she will start looking again. Why should the poor H have to live in the dark to that fact? The kids will be better off in the long run if both their parents are in stable happy relationships rather then destructive deceitful affairs no? Doesn't that man deserve the right to choose how the rest of his life is going to go? I mean for Christ sake she wanted your H to s*rew her on his bed! What if her kids came home early that day from school or something? Think about it if shes willing to disrespect the family home to that point then the kids will eventually get hurt anyways its unavoidable sadly. I'm not putting you down I know you have been thu an awful lot and I'm happy its looking good for you and your H. It sounds like he relay dose want to make things right good for him I respect that. I just don't understand the oh well its not my place to tell the other H mentality. Or even worse the don't worry about other people just work on your own M mentality I see here from some its just shocking. I mean you can tell him and then continue your life and working on your M but at least he can then start to make some important choices. And continue his life and his kids as well. You would only be helping every one the kids included.
twice_shy Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Yes, tell her husband. If my wife were cheating, I would definitely want to know about it and would not care who told me. No kidding! Someone who knew about my XW said they thought about telling me several times years ago. I kinda got pissed and told them they could have helped me add 3 years to my own happiness and I could have divorced her sooner.
twice_shy Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Quite frankly, who gives a rat's ass what happens to this ditch pig. LOL. "ditch pig". Never heard that one before. twas funny. I think I'm gonna enjoy reading your posts.
Ariadne Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 No, You didn't have any right whatsoever to send a threatening message to anybody. It's their business to resolve. It's not surprising to see the overwhelming majority of people saying that intimidating, bullying, black mailing, minding in other people's business, and coercing is "the right thing to do."
silktricks Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 No, You didn't have any right whatsoever to send a threatening message to anybody. It's their business to resolve. It's not surprising to see the overwhelming majority of people saying that intimidating, bullying, black mailing, minding in other people's business, and coercing is "the right thing to do." Who is the "they" in "their business to resolve" in your opinion? (Just asking - I have my ideas, I'd like to know yours)
Ariadne Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Who is the "they" in "their business to resolve" in your opinion? (Just asking - I have my ideas, I'd like to know yours) The two people involved in the EA.
Author SimpleyMe Posted February 15, 2008 Author Posted February 15, 2008 Thanks to all for the feedback. So here is the latest we havent had a problems with xOW since i emailed her, no blocked hang up calls like she was doing all that has stopped. I asked my H the other day if I decided to to her H what had ben going on how he would feel about that,he said obviously i wouldnt want any trouble with him coming to my job, but i guess i should have thought of that before i got involved with her. He then said if confronting her H is something we have to do in order for her to stop trying to have contact with him then he's all for it . It's funny but as i was writing the update i checked my emails and i got an email from her telling me to have a good weekend,im not sure what to think of this.
MakeLemonade Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 Thanks to all for the feedback. So here is the latest we havent had a problems with xOW since i emailed her, no blocked hang up calls like she was doing all that has stopped. I asked my H the other day if I decided to to her H what had ben going on how he would feel about that,he said obviously i wouldnt want any trouble with him coming to my job, but i guess i should have thought of that before i got involved with her. He then said if confronting her H is something we have to do in order for her to stop trying to have contact with him then he's all for it . It's funny but as i was writing the update i checked my emails and i got an email from her telling me to have a good weekend,im not sure what to think of this. Was this his email account that you now monitor or your own? If it is yours, I wouldn't know what to make of it, sounds kinda ominous and cryptic. Was that all she said? Was it as a reply to another email you sent her or a new email. Sounds weird.
BentSpine Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 Trust me he told her over and over leave him alone that it was over. He figured if it came from me then maybe she would listen. OK, now I understand better; your partner wasn't left in the dark about you writing to the Other Woman but instead he actively encouraged you.
bentnotbroken Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 You did good. Now maybe you and your husband can tell her husband together. He has a right to know so that he can maked an informed choice about her.
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