Physically and emotionally unfulfilled in marriage with a great guy...what to do?

[Gunny376]

Getting back to one of my initial posts to this thread, I think you as a woman would greatly benefit if you read John Gray's latest book "When Mars and Venus Collide" on sale now at ChinaMart, I mean WalMart, (about $18)

 

It along with another book out of Great Britian, "Why Men Don't Have A Clue? And Women Need Another Pair of Shoes" are both quick and easy reads, (except someone of the words in Gray's book when he gets to talking about some of the parts of the brain, certain hormones etc ~ mostly in the pronounciation of the words we're not accustomed to?)

 

In them they reveal ground-breaking research made capable only recently because of brain-scan technology. It clearly defines why men and women are different in the way they think, act, behave, and feel about the exact same situation? And about how men and women react to stress differently. Its about finally men understanding why women can't be more like men ~ and why women can't be more like women ~ in terms of thinking, coping, and dealing with day-to-day stress.

 

I've got and have read a lot of books ~ but these two? They've really have opened my eyes up to a lot of things about women and why they behave the way that they do. A lot of "AHA!" moments, along with "Oh! Now I see! Now I get it!"

 

You might want to check out Dr. Gray's website ~ Marsandvenus.com or Goggle it? I believe you guys will find it very enlightening and eye-opening?

 

In his latest book he'll explain the hormonal connection as to why women dive for high-carb foods and chocolate when stressed out! LOL! Why men need "fire-gazing" time in front of the modern day equivalent of a fire? The TV! Why men flip through channels on the television with the remote control? (LOL! Because "Cool Hand Luke" might be on somewhere?! )

 

I cannot recommend these two books highly enough!

 

For FM (FindingMe) you might also want to check out the "Light His Fire" and "Light Her Fire" by Dr. Hellen Freidman (?) Good stuff anyone could use? Its a paid site ~ but good stuff ~ LS won't let me link you ~ but you can Goggle it!

 

You sound like a "Southern Girl" that fell in love with a Yankee! Many of the Army bases are located in the South (Guess they think we might succeed again! "Hell Yea! ) And found yourself "Up-North"

 

Part of your problem if I'm correct ~ is your part home-sick? Your parents are getting on in years ~ and you'd like to be closer back home to and with them?

 

I've been in your position? My last LTR was with a little gal up in NC ~ six-and-a-half years? I was still in the Corps at the time ~ STUPID ~ of me to get involved with anyone?

 

Smartest thing I ever did? Was to "man-up" and move back home once I retired! It was un-beliveably HARD! But I got to spend the last years of my Father's life with him, to speak with him, see him, be with him! I'm fifty miles from my DS and DD and most cherished and beloved DGS! (Dear Grandson)

[Findingme]

Getting back to one of my initial posts to this thread, I think you as a woman would greatly benefit if you read John Gray's latest book "When Mars and Venus Collide" on sale now at ChinaMart, I mean WalMart, (about $18)

 

It along with another book out of Great Britian, "Why Men Don't Have A Clue? And Women Need Another Pair of Shoes" are both quick and easy reads, (except someone of the words in Gray's book when he gets to talking about some of the parts of the brain, certain hormones etc ~ mostly in the pronounciation of the words we're not accustomed to?)

 

In them they reveal ground-breaking research made capable only recently because of brain-scan technology. It clearly defines why men and women are different in the way they think, act, behave, and feel about the exact same situation? And about how men and women react to stress differently. Its about finally men understanding why women can't be more like men ~ and why women can't be more like women ~ in terms of thinking, coping, and dealing with day-to-day stress.

 

I've got and have read a lot of books ~ but these two? They've really have opened my eyes up to a lot of things about women and why they behave the way that they do. A lot of "AHA!" moments, along with "Oh! Now I see! Now I get it!"

 

You might want to check out Dr. Gray's website ~ Marsandvenus.com or Goggle it? I believe you guys will find it very enlightening and eye-opening?

 

In his latest book he'll explain the hormonal connection as to why women dive for high-carb foods and chocolate when stressed out! LOL! Why men need "fire-gazing" time in front of the modern day equivalent of a fire? The TV! Why men flip through channels on the television with the remote control? (LOL! Because "Cool Hand Luke" might be on somewhere?! )

 

I cannot recommend these two books highly enough!

 

For FM (FindingMe) you might also want to check out the "Light His Fire" and "Light Her Fire" by Dr. Hellen Freidman (?) Good stuff anyone could use? Its a paid site ~ but good stuff ~ LS won't let me link you ~ but you can Goggle it!

 

You sound like a "Southern Girl" that fell in love with a Yankee! Many of the Army bases are located in the South (Guess they think we might succeed again! "Hell Yea! ) And found yourself "Up-North"

 

Part of your problem if I'm correct ~ is your part home-sick? Your parents are getting on in years ~ and you'd like to be closer back home to and with them?

 

I've been in your position? My last LTR was with a little gal up in NC ~ six-and-a-half years? I was still in the Corps at the time ~ STUPID ~ of me to get involved with anyone?

 

Smartest thing I ever did? Was to "man-up" and move back home once I retired! It was un-beliveably HARD! But I got to spend the last years of my Father's life with him, to speak with him, see him, be with him! I'm fifty miles from my DS and DD and most cherished and beloved DGS! (Dear Grandson)

 

DANG dude once again you are RIGHT on the money!!! First yes I am sort of a southern girl, I grew up in MO but family was also located all over the south, FLA, GA, ARK, AL, OK, NEB ect. and we visited quite often (damn yanks!), people just don't understand. At the same time I was born in Cali and have lots of family there and also spent some time living there in HS ( Dad lived there) . Long story, but I always went back home. My first love, the guy from the first post lives there too and he's part of the homesickness, it does make me wonder though (since you brought it up) if it's about him at all or the insane craving to just go home again.

 

I am SEVERLY home sick. My Mom has heart disease and about 3 years ago around the same time we were battling his parents for the kids my Mom had her last quad by-pass surgery and they gave her 5 years then. When I go home it always feels just right, like I am finally where I belong and can relax there, each time it gets harder and harder to come back. All the way here I am depressed that I had to come back! The entire time I am there I just keep breathing deeply like I can savor the flavor or something and carry a short memory, even if it's just standing in the field feeling the breeze through my hair, or listening to someone speak.

 

But to be honest, the one I miss the most is my sister. We were CLOSE growing up, we went through a lot of abuse together and were our only aly. I miss her so bad that sometimes I just want to cry. I miss all my old friends and feel like I've given up everything for him and have nobody here on my side, nobody to draw strength from. A month or so ago he tells me "hun everyone leaves home at some point in their lives". I was thinking is he f-ing kidding me? He left home for the Army but came back as SOON as he got out, I TRIED to talk him into living somewhere else but he wanted to come home and raise his kids where he grew up.

 

We literly live 5 minutes from his parents if even that but they've only been in my house maybe 2 times in 10 years. When they come over they stay outside, how weird is that?

 

I miss the friendliness of the south, I don't even know if my parents have a lock on their doors. I want my life back! I want to party with my friends and just be ME, jam to some music... hubby thinks meatloaf is good music! I am like dude meatloaf is only good when it's eaten! There's an age difference too, I am older and some things he just doesn't get, he thinks Def Leppard is classic Rock. I just roll my eyes and say gimme some Bad Comapny, Lynyrd Skynyrd and Tom Petty and call it a day. I seriously LOVE music but he hates it! We don't even own a stereo because he dislikes it so much! WTF? He laughs at me when he see's me working because I put on my ipod, turn it up, and bounce while I am feeding the mail. Try driving 12 hrs listening to nothing but air!

 

I've been gone from home since I was 20 years old, only going back for visits and when he was off to war ( sounds so stupid doesn't it) and I am lonely for my family and friends and I HATE it here! I want to go HOME! Did I mention it's colder than a polar bears butt here?! Winters are really hard on me and each 1 just gets worse!

 

Recently we started talking about where we wanted buried and I sort of FREAKED, he wants me to be buried at Ft Custer with him, I am like NO WAY!! I just thought I CANNOT spend the rest of my life in this f-ing place where people can't even say elementary or barrette correctly! And eat roadkill, then have the nerve to call me a hillbilly! EWWWW.... I definatly don't want to be buried here! My daughter is talking about buying a house here and it makes me feel even more stuck! He says we can winter somewhere ele when we retire but honestly I don;t think I am going to make it that long!

 

Anyone reading this and single and considering marrying someone from a completely different state or country, as in long distance... DON'T DO IT!!! Seriously find someone you have something more in common with! You might as well be from 2 different planets sometimes! There are times I want to re-hash something I did growing up with my friends and laugh again about it and he just looks at me and is like ummm....ok. And this sounds ridiculas but I REALLY miss that little twang! When we go for a visit I say ya'll for 2 weeks afterwards, funny thing is... so do my kids! HAHAHA

 

Anyway, you hit a nerve again.... you are good at that! I will try to check that website out, is there a book I can buy or something instead? I read on my breaks and lunches in my truck, I prefer to be alone rather than sit in the breakroom listening to people bitch and moan about their jobs. Gives me a migrane!