Curmudgeon Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 (edited) She finally discovered what I've been telling her for years -- that there's something not right about our marriage. She put it in a letter to me, I responded in kind. She then said she wanted to talk about it, not write back-and-forth. I told her that was fine and to let me know when she'd be sober enough to do so. She said it could be any time. I told her Tuesday morning because that's a holiday for me. She said that was fine. I can wait, but hardly! We'll see how it goes! Edited February 11, 2008 by Curmudgeon
JosieMcCoy Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Good luck Curm! I'll be wishing you the best! Maybe she realizes what a great guy you actually are! Cheers!
Author Curmudgeon Posted February 11, 2008 Author Posted February 11, 2008 Maybe she realizes what a great guy you actually are! Not so great, obviously. At least not worth the effort. I thought I was. Perhaps I was wrong. It wouldn't be the first time.
Enema Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 I told her that was fine and to let me know when she'd be sober enough to do so. Nice one! It's the petty scoring that makes divorce so much fun!
Author Curmudgeon Posted February 11, 2008 Author Posted February 11, 2008 (edited) Nice one! It's the petty scoring that makes divorce so much fun! There's nothing petty about it, nor did she take it that way. She's an alcoholic and is NOT recovering. Talking to someone while they're drunk is like trying to reason with a schizophrenic having hallucinations and hearing voices. Drunkeness and psychosis are closely aligned. Edited February 11, 2008 by Curmudgeon
Art_Critic Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Dude... I really don't have any advice.. just wanted to let ya know my thoughts are with you.. Tuesday the talk may not be all bad news.. it is very possible that she may be faced with the reality of losing you and her marriage and she might hit her rock bottom.. If I was going to give any advice to you ( and I'm not great at giving advice to people involved with Alcoholics ) I would say to make sure you take a stand on her getting help and getting into a sobriety program of some sort.. And make sure to get your butt in some Alanon meetings ( if you already aren't that is ).. I wish the best for you. Living with an Alcoholic isn't easy.
Author Curmudgeon Posted February 11, 2008 Author Posted February 11, 2008 Dude... I really don't have any advice.. just wanted to let ya know my thoughts are with you.. Tuesday the talk may not be all bad news.. it is very possible that she may be faced with the reality of losing you and her marriage and she might hit her rock bottom.. If I was going to give any advice to you ( and I'm not great at giving advice to people involved with Alcoholics ) I would say to make sure you take a stand on her getting help and getting into a sobriety program of some sort.. And make sure to get your butt in some Alanon meetings ( if you already aren't that is ).. I wish the best for you. Living with an Alcoholic isn't easy. You're right. It ain't easy. But it was doable as long as she tried.
2sunny Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 i'm sad for your situation C=Lion, as i know that you have loved her dearly. tough love may be the only thing to get her back on track at this point. don't give up hope. the talk on tuesday may very well go in a positive direction. if you need a recommendation for a facility - pm me as this one i'm currently in is amazing. it's located in the town you grew up in. my prayers are with you and your wife. keep me posted. ((((hugs))))
Mr. Lucky Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 i'm sad for your situation C=Lion, as i know that you have loved her dearly. I too have been struck by the obvious love you show for your wife in your posts. I hope whatever happens Tuesday, it leads to the best solution for you. Sounds like it's hard to find much positive in the current state of your marriage... Mr. Lucky
Citizen Erased Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Good luck C-Lion. I hope she wakes up and realises she is close to losing the best thing in her life. But well, if she doesn't know or accept she has a problem then I don't see why you should have to suffer for it any longer. We're all here for you
littlekitty Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Good luck for the talk C-Lion. I hope things work out well for you.
marlena Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 With your intellignce and charm, you'll do just fine.
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 I hope the talk goes well tomorrow. You have all of us in your corner no matter what.
OldEurope Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Hello Lion King:love:, Wishing you the best tomorrow...I believe your wife knows what she stands to lose. Our thoughts here are with you... ...And I hope the new management position is going well! Purr.... OE
Mustang Sally Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Curmudgeon, I'm sorry that it's come to this for you and your wife. Sincerely. But at the same time, I'm glad she is willing to meet you at "the table" to discuss it. I hope that something good will come of it. I'll be sending positive vibes your way on Tuesday, hon.
Author Curmudgeon Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 Have you had that talk yet? How did it go? I was up early this morning, dumped every ounce of liquor in the house down the drain, brewed a large container of ice tea and we spoke when my wife got up several hours later. I made fresh coffee for her and we chatted. The conversation was very short. I reiterated that we couldn't continue this way and she agreed. I also said I wanted no m ore booze in the house and she agreed to that. She said she'd probably be sick for several days, or longer, from withdrawal and I told her I'd continue to pick up the slack arond the house for awhile. She already knows I'll support her in any way possible as long as she stays sober. She was relieved after talking because she was sure I was going to insist that she leave and go it alone. All I can say at this stage is that we'll see how it goes. We love each other but I can't live like this any longer and I made that very clear to her. I retire in a bit over two years and unless those are "good" years I'll do so alone. She's aware of it.
whichwayisup Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Will she go to AA and have a sponsor as well? I'm sure today was emotionally draining, even though the talk went okay...Though I really hope she hasn't told you what you want to hear. Time will tell...
Art_Critic Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 I'm glad you had the talk C.. Something to think about.. You could call your local AA chapter and ask to speak to a 12th stepper ( someone who helps alcoholics in need ). They will normally call you back in 20-30 mins or so... Then you could set it up that they visit you and your wife at your home. A 12th stepper can help her on her way to getting help and help getting her to a meeting and getting a sponsor.
Author Curmudgeon Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 A 12th stepper can help her on her way to getting help and help getting her to a meeting and getting a sponsor. There's one meeting group she seemed to like so I'm going to encourage her to go back. Either that or she'll have to find some alternative help or other type program. I have no confidence that she can truly do this alone. But from now on it's up to her. I can no longer hand carry her as I've done in the past.
Melovator Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 I've been following your sitch C. Wish you all the best, you are doing the right thing for yourself. Take care.
Trimmer Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 good luck, Curm.... Maybe the distinction between supporting her and carrying her will make a difference...
Recommended Posts