CrzyInNYC09 Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 I really need help.... I've been dating this guy for about 2.5 months. Things have been absolutely great. Great communication.... we clicked. About 2.5 weeks ago he spent the weekend with me. It was our first "sleep over". He confessed he didn't want me seeing anyone else and that he has strong emotions for me. He used the words "us and we" and we spend the entire weekend laughing, holding hands and talking. It was also the first time we ever slept together. I heard from him later that week... we texted back and forth about making plans and whatnot. We're both busy so texting is a normal form of communication for us both. Well I got a text later the next week saying, "baby things are really stressful. i'll call you tomorrow." I've gotten several "I'll call you tomorrows." with no phone call. He mentioned a family member was ill among a few other things.... then the communication stopped. I'd text every once in awhile saying I was thinking about him and he'd respond thanking me and apologizing for being MIA and promised to call soon. Then I finally broke down and sent him a message letting him know I was here for him and didn't mind giving him space. He responded that we needed to talk bc he didn't want me wondering things that weren't the case or worrying about him. I haven't heard from him since. I've called one time during this whole ordeal (yesterday) and got a voicemail saying his phone was broke and requesting a number so he could return the call. It's been 3 weeks since I've seen him..... I'm so confused. Are we over? Why hasn't he called? Even if he is stressed shouldn't I get some form of information? What do I do? Forget him? Wait awhile and try to call him again? I am so confused and heartbroken. Advice is appreciated.
D-Lish Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 If there is one thing I have learned- it's that no one is too busy to call someone they really like. Even if things are going on in his life at the moment that are affecting him- he could still pick up the phone and call you. You could drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what is going on.... but the truth is that you can't possibly know if he isn't willing to tell you. I know it's hard- you liked him, you slept together and he goes MIA. This will be hard, but I wouldn't call or contact him anymore. He knows where to find you. You've made it clear how you feel to him, and he isn't returning calls or texts. Whatever his issues are, they are his issues and have nothing to do with you. Please try to think of it that way. Yes, I would move on. I know it's difficult to do without him providing you with answers- but you can find closure on your own. Regardless of how much you like him- he isn't providing you with anything positive at the moment.
s_n_d Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 I agree with D-Lish. Hes an utter jerk for leaving you hanging like this. You need to move on. We all know its hard and a lot of us have gone through the same thing as you.. Hang in there and keep posting on here if you feel like you need someone to talk to.
Author CrzyInNYC09 Posted February 11, 2008 Author Posted February 11, 2008 It is hard. I like how you said, it's his problem- not mine. Sigh. Just makes me wonder why he chased me if he was just going to go MIA
CalamitousJane Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 That sucks so badly. I'm really sorry. But yes, what D-Lish says. I bet if you totally lay off he'll show up again soon enough, but it'll just be more of the same if you have another go at it. Luckily he gave you early warning that anything with him would be a crazy rollercoaster ride. Some people are capable of exactly that much intimacy - one great weekend. That's probably the best he can do. Sorry.
Author CrzyInNYC09 Posted February 11, 2008 Author Posted February 11, 2008 I wrote down his number and put it in my drawer. Then I deleted it from my cell phone.... This way I guess if I still decided to "try" and play the friend card in a couple of weeks I can.... but I can't grab my phone call or text now. So sad I had to do that...
mistie03 Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 I agree with D-Lish. No one is too busy to call someone they care about. I just broke up with a guy that did this sort of thing from the very beginning. I was crazy in love with him, so I put up with it for a long time. It never got better. He would just drop out of my life for 3 day to a week at a time. After awhile, I decided that I wanted better. I figured I was better off single rather than hanging on waiting for him to come around. He always came back, but each time it hurt. I got tired of being hurt and being put on the backburner. I'm not high maintenance, but it really was ridiculous after a while. I put up with it so many times, that he thought I always would. We teach people how to treat us unfortunately. I shouldn't have let it go on for so long. As far as where he was when he disappeared? I have no clue. I don't think I want to know.
D-Lish Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 It is hard. I like how you said, it's his problem- not mine. Sigh. Just makes me wonder why he chased me if he was just going to go MIA Well, one way you might be able to find closure is to "break it off" with him. Send him a text or an e-mail saying you are moving on. I have found my own closure in the past by doing that with someone who was stringing me along. It's one small way to take back a little control over the situation. You have the power of decision- you can wait, or you can tell him you're done. It may not seem like much- but it's a tool you can use for closure should you need to use it. I've dated people before and when it became apparant they weren't as into me as I was into them, I would just take control of the situation and break up with them. It sort of shocks them a little, and it also shows them you have respect for yourself. I feel for you because we have all been there, and it sucks to like someone who doesn't respond the way we would like them to. It's pretty apparant he doesn't deserve your affection. It might work in your favour emotionally to let him know that.
Author CrzyInNYC09 Posted February 11, 2008 Author Posted February 11, 2008 I guess I need time just to let it sink in. I think i intimidated him... I have a masters degree and I'm working toward a doctorate. He's a waiter who lives paycheck to paycheck- I'm a trust fund baby. I didn't think it was an issue but I think he did.
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