xpaperxcutx Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Okay, so friday I had a "date" with this guy whom I've met online. He was really outgoing and social, and he took me to dinner at the sushi place near his work. So our evening was great, we had alot to talk about, we joked and laughed, and several times I saw him looking at me and I had to look away. Then we went to play billiards and we were basically flirting ALOT. He kept poking me and giving me hugs. Afterwards we hit a cafe and the park. It was really cold outside and I was wearing a skirt. He hugged me the whole way while we were walking, so we were very intimate. And like he couldn't take his hands off me. So like basically we had a good night and we ended the night at 2 in the morning. But now the thing is he's been really quiet and kinda avoiding me? He used to text me alot but like yesterday he gave me some excuse saying he was too tired to talk. So I really didnt look too much into it. But like is it a dating rule not to have contact after a date or something? Because I don't want to feel needy in contacting him. So basically I had my phone turned off all day. But he hasn't left me a message or anything. So like am I just wasting my time? I need some advice.
Star Gazer Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 so we were very intimate. So like basically we had a good night and we ended the night at 2 in the morning. What exactly does the above mean? Did you two have sex?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 11, 2008 Author Posted February 11, 2008 (edited) No we didnt have sex. It was basically a night that could have lasted forever. Like we never ran out of topics to talk about. And the whole intimate part settled down to how much he like to poke me and give me hugs. And our whole time at the park, he had his arms around me and he would place his hands on my neck and give me these really comfy massages. Edited February 11, 2008 by xpaperxcutx
sarayanna Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 This happened to me early in my online dating experience. This guy seemed totally into me, texted me constantly in anticipation of the date, we had a great date, and then I nearly stopped hearing from him. I tried everything at the time; initiating the messaging and reiterating what a great time I had, etc. It was all very confusing to me. I think in the end I scared him away. Now that I've become a more experienced dater, I have learned to play it cool. I'm not sure if its typical guy behavior or not, but I have run across many online guys who are "serial daters". That may or may not be the case here. But it sounds like you are doing the right thing by turning off the phone, etc. Try not to put all your eggs in one basket. Date others until you decide definitively that you want to commit to one.
D-Lish Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 I've experienced the whole hot and cold thing myself with online dating. I have done this to others as well. I've had a great date with someone, sort of liked them, but not returned their calls out of laziness. Who can say what goes on in other people's heads. He doesn't sound like someone to waste time and energy on.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 11, 2008 Author Posted February 11, 2008 Now that I've become a more experienced dater, I have learned to play it cool. I'm not sure if its typical guy behavior or not, but I have run across many online guys who are "serial daters". Yeah, but he didn't came off as the type. He actually hinted at the possibility of a second date. And I really like him.
sarayanna Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Yeah, but he didn't came off as the type. He actually hinted at the possibility of a second date. And I really like him. Not saying he is for sure. But it would still be a good idea to date others until you decide who you want to be exclusive with. If he is into you, he'll call. If he is spooked because he really likes you or he's still involved with someone else and confused or whatever the case may be, it may take him a few days, but he will call if he is interested.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 11, 2008 Author Posted February 11, 2008 Update : Thanks for the advice. I just got a text from him saying he was just real busy doing a 10 hr shift. I guess I was just overreacting? lol But yeah hopefully I'll get that 2nd date.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 11, 2008 Author Posted February 11, 2008 Updates's update: what is it with this guy? The whole day I only got one message from him? Is it that hard to text ppl? Seriously it's been more than an hr since I've gotten his message. And within that time I've resisted temptation to text him. Why do guys like to play with our emotions?
D-Lish Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Well, if I were you I wouldn't answer for 24 hours. Let him sweat it out for a change!
Star Gazer Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Updates's update: what is it with this guy? The whole day I only got one message from him? Is it that hard to text ppl? Seriously it's been more than an hr since I've gotten his message. And within that time I've resisted temptation to text him. Why do guys like to play with our emotions? Huh? He texted you, and you haven't texted him back, and you what...want him to text you again? Why haven't you responded?
oppath Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Listen, if it's the first date, and you met online, he assumes you are dating and meeting others and guess what, he is too!!! It's common not to call the next day. Online, things usually go slow and more flakey until you establish more rapport. Give him the benefit of the doubt, he is still a stranger. Respond back a couple hours later.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 11, 2008 Author Posted February 11, 2008 Huh? He texted you, and you haven't texted him back, and you what...want him to text you again? Why haven't you responded? I did respond back to him TWICE. And the only message I got back from him was that he was tired and that he was going to bed???!!!! IS that just his ambiguous way of telling me that he doesn't want to talk?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 11, 2008 Author Posted February 11, 2008 Listen, if it's the first date, and you met online, he assumes you are dating and meeting others and guess what, he is too!!! It's common not to call the next day. Online, things usually go slow and more flakey until you establish more rapport. Give him the benefit of the doubt, he is still a stranger. Respond back a couple hours later. I know that. But it used to be that he was always the one to call and text me first. And now I'm the one who always try to initiate contact. AND I'll be lucky if I even get one response back.....
norajane Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 I did respond back to him TWICE. And the only message I got back from him was that he was tired and that he was going to bed???!!!! IS that just his ambiguous way of telling me that he doesn't want to talk? Do you have a job? What kind of work does he do? If he just pulled a 10 hour shift, plus travel time to and from, he might really BE exhausted and went to bed.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 11, 2008 Author Posted February 11, 2008 Do you have a job? What kind of work does he do? If he just pulled a 10 hour shift, plus travel time to and from, he might really BE exhausted and went to bed. No I'm still in school. And he works at a video store. I mean come on, seriously how busy is it in a VIDEO STORE?
norajane Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 No I'm still in school. And he works at a video store. I mean come on, seriously how busy is it in a VIDEO STORE? Have you ever done customer service, being on your feet all day with demanding people b*tching because they can't find Terminator II and getting pissed off because you won't rent them a video until they pay their late fees that they deny they owe? Continually reorganizing the shelves all day long that everyone has messed up, especially the children's section? And then doing inventory and close after the store closes? My ex-roommate worked in a video store and he was DEAD when he came home. All he could do was veg on the couch before he passed out. If you give him the benefit of the doubt on this, you might feel less abused and win a lot more points with him.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 yeah but he works 4 to 10. And so why couldn't he have texted me in the morning or afternoon? I dont get it?
monkey00 Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 (edited) The thing I think about online dating is that people are often excited to out and meet you the first time around. But after that they often get complacent and go back to their usual routine about finding someone else new to meet, and they don't follow up with you on other dates because they still want to keep their options open. And sometimes often lazy to make a commitment to see the same person more than once. But sounds to me like he's trying to brush you off nicely. If he doesn't have the time to commit to the possibility of something real, then I don't think he's worth your time. I had 2 coffee dates with girls over the weekend, it went as well as yours and since then they've just been major flakes. Yet I can see they're back online on the dating site again. Though one's doing her graduate studies and the other one works and is doing her undergrad studies...but eh if someone's really interested I don't think they'd let their lives stop them from calling you back. Edited February 12, 2008 by monkey00
D-Lish Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 yeah but he works 4 to 10. And so why couldn't he have texted me in the morning or afternoon? I dont get it? Very true. Just flip the situation.... if you had a busy job would that prevent you from answering a text from someone you liked? If I like someone I return thier texts and phone calls... why? because I can't help myself. Stop trying to figure it out. It's not you- i'ts him. You deserve better!!!
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 Very true. Just flip the situation.... if you had a busy job would that prevent you from answering a text from someone you liked? If I like someone I return thier texts and phone calls... why? because I can't help myself. Stop trying to figure it out. It's not you- i'ts him. You deserve better!!! I totally agree with you d- lish. I kinda figured as much. But being the girl that I was, I gave him one last text to tell him to take care, and I turned off my phone. Apparently has gotten no reply. So I deleted his number, knowing that if he likes me, he would be the one itching to call me. Oh well, it lasted as long as it did. lol. So totally moving on. Have no regrets.
D-Lish Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 I use those tactics as well. I delete them from msn, take their numbers out of my phone so I won't be tempted to text or call.... and I get rid of their things or anything else that reminds me of them. It doesn't matter how long you have known someone for- when you like them and it doesn't work out... it still hurts a lot. Keep your chin up- and he knows where to find you should he choose to get in touch. It's going to be okay- you're going to be okay.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 13, 2008 Author Posted February 13, 2008 I use those tactics as well. I delete them from msn, take their numbers out of my phone so I won't be tempted to text or call.... and I get rid of their things or anything else that reminds me of them. It's going to be okay- you're going to be okay. Thanks D- lish again for your kind advice. I thought I'd be finished with this subject and move on, but apparently this guy likes to play with my mind?!!! So basically I was having a really good day, no distractions from the phone or whatever. And then all of a sudden, tonight, I suddenly got this text message from him saying , qoute: " Yeah, I just finished shoveling the front of the store." I mind you, in no way had I contacted him AT ALL. So getting this message was surprising. I understand that he had this pet peeve about snow and having to shovel it afterwards, but why is it that all of the sudden he's texting me out of the blue? It's confusing, and I had a talk with my friend about whether he had made a mistake and might have texted the wrong person. She responded by telling me how can anyone text the wrong person? So basically I texted him back after an hr to tell him, quote: " You must so tired now hope you still have energy to chat with me." And so basically I waited the whole night, to possibly receive a text back, which coincidentally I've gotten. Quote: "And now when I go home I have to shovel the front of the house and the steps. " Ay yai yai, what does he want from me?
D-Lish Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 To keep you on the backburner while he figures out what he wants to do. It's not fair to you- that much is apparant. Have you thought about not responding to his texts?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted February 13, 2008 Author Posted February 13, 2008 (edited) To keep you on the backburner while he figures out what he wants to do. It's not fair to you- that much is apparant. Have you thought about not responding to his texts? Yes I have but apparently I had already texted him back. If anything I'm just gonna avoid him for the next day and a 1/2. He pretty much has Thursday and Friday off. IF he really likes me, he'll try to contact me. But I'm not betting on anything at the moment. I rather spend Vday alone than waiting for the phone to ring. Edited February 13, 2008 by xpaperxcutx
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