blind_otter Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Even though B4R had told me repeatedly I had this, I had never bothered to look into the symptoms cause the name sounded too psycho for my liking (WTH does "borderline" MEAN?). "borderline" refers to the border between psychosis and neurosis. The borderline patient is mostly neurotic, but when extremely stressed or insecure, they can have psychotic breaks from reality where they become involved with behavior that injures themselves.
shadowplay Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 "borderline" refers to the border between psychosis and neurosis. The borderline patient is mostly neurotic, but when extremely stressed or insecure, they can have psychotic breaks from reality where they become involved with behavior that injures themselves. That's acutally an outdated belief, but the name has stayed.
Krytie TV Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Don't worry Spookie. Even if you did use him as a conquest, I don't think you did it intentionally and methodically, but I do think that was part of your underlying motivation. You said he was smarter than you and how intimidated you were talking to him and such. Well, after you see someone with their pants down (pun intended), it's amazing how human they become, huh? After he stopped being "superior" to you, you realized how little he offered you. Break up with him, and do it swiftly. He'll be hurt, but no one ever cared about my well-being before and I turned out alright. This is an experience he'll have to handle in his life with or without you. What you do seem to be is incredibly confused and misguided. After the break up, why not take that time to be single and figure out what matters to you. Don't look for someone to complete you, but wait for "that" person to fall into your proverbial lap.
blind_otter Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 That's acutally an outdated belief, but the name has stayed. Not according to my psychiatrist. That's how she described the disorder to me not 8 months ago. Adolph Stern coined the term in 1938, but the applicability of the term is still being debated to this day. My psychiatrist (although no longer, she transferred me) is highly regarded and has a great track record treating borderlines.
Author spookie Posted February 13, 2008 Author Posted February 13, 2008 Wassup homies (am drunk; abut to go to work). The issue still stands: I think Mr. AS is great, but he ISN'T everything I've been hoping for. Namely, he's missing the "cute" and "adventurous" qualities I used to think were so important. (I took him hiking and he refused to climb the mountain, even though even if he fell, the probability of death was slim in that particular spot; I feel alive only if I know I can hurt myself). Part of me thinks: there are so many f-ed up relationships out there; I ought to be thankful I've found someone who's likely able to commit to me for life; with whom it looks like I can have a contented, happy relationship, consisting of things I've always wanted. Another part thinks: If I have kids with this dude, I'm always going to miss my aborted child, who would have been "better", whom I'd have loved more, by the simple fact that I loved his father unconditionally; reciprocity was not a necessity in that relationship; in this one, my affections stem from it; I like Mr. AS because of the way he likes me. Does that mean I should be looking for a different partner? I don't know. I'm so confused! Perhaps y'all can help me?!!!
Arch Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 "I feel alive only if I know I can hurt myself" You should correct that or pretty soon you will hurt yourself.
Storyrider Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 Dude, there aren't even any real mountains where you are. I grew up there. There are only hills. He sounds like he needs to learn how to take some risks.
burning 4 revenge Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 He just needs to exercise. He also needs to dump Spook, but he won't, because he's lonley like most of us are
BlueEyedGirl Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 The guy is not fit enough to be on top during sex. I mean WTF
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 Does that mean I should be looking for a different partner? I don't know. I'm so confused! Please go back and read all the terrible things you've said about this guy and tell me you shouldn't go looking for another partner. This guy deserves someone who likes him for him. You deserve someone you don't have to settle for. Let the poor guy go.
shadowplay Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 Another part thinks: If I have kids with this dude, I'm always going to miss my aborted child, who would have been "better", whom I'd have loved more, by the simple fact that I loved his father unconditionally; reciprocity was not a necessity in that relationship; in this one, my affections stem from it; I like Mr. AS because of the way he likes me. That's pretty, um...strange thinking. You should love any child of yours equally no matter the father. I agree that you should let "the poor guy go." You obviously don't respect him.
shadowplay Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 (edited) I feel alive only if I know I can hurt myself. Sorry to psychoanalyze you, but this sentence struck me because it is a common sentiment expressed by people with Borderline. Do you ever feel empty or dead and the only way to make yourself feel alive is by hurting yourself or doing something slightly self destructive? It could be as simple as picking or cutting yourself. (by the way, I apologize if my last comment sounded harsh. Take it at face value.) Edited February 13, 2008 by shadowplay
Ariadne Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 The guy is not fit enough to be on top during sex. I mean WTF Yeah, really . What's up with that?
Storyrider Posted February 13, 2008 Posted February 13, 2008 Yeah, really . What's up with that? And my response to this would have nothing to do with his lack of experience or lack of skill due to inexperience. If inexperience is the only issue then things will click in time if the chemistry is right. But the passivity/laziness towards sex is decidedly un-manly from almost any angle you look at it. Maybe he doesn't understand the non-verbal message he is sending because of the AS.
Author spookie Posted February 13, 2008 Author Posted February 13, 2008 Dude' date=' there aren't even any real mountains where you are. I grew up there. There are only hills. He sounds like he needs to learn how to take some risks.[/quote'] You're right. There aren't any mountains. It was a little hill at the greenbelt. He's risk-averse wayy past the boundaries of logic. It's a turn-off because with him I KNOW if we were ever in a questionable situation, he wouldn't think twice about abandoning me to save himself. Maybe that's typical, maybe I'm wrong in assuming most people are more altruistic (at least where it involves friends/SO/family) but Mr. AS... I'm am 98% sure he's a coward. Please go back and read all the terrible things you've said about this guy and tell me you shouldn't go looking for another partner. This guy deserves someone who likes him for him. You deserve someone you don't have to settle for. Let the poor guy go. Yah. You're right. It's just hard. My past and the experiences I've read about on here have made me wary of unpredictable people.... and Mr. AS is completely predictable. When I first met him and began to understand who he was, in many ways he seemed like exactly the person I've been looking for. That's pretty, um...strange thinking. You should love any child of yours equally no matter the father. Hopefully, once I have kids, I'll realize that's how it is, and I'll love them all equally.
Prodigal Princess Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 (edited) It's pretty obvious at this stage that you cannot continue being in a romantic relationship with this guy. Go ahead and read my thread titled "The repulse test", which I started with your situation in mind. So the question becomes how to extricate yourself from the relationship without leaving him in the mess that your ex left you in. I know you still care for him as a person and don't want to hurt him... But hurt is inevitable in a break up and, as risk-adverse as he is, he needs to grow up and start learning some life lessons. spookie: "Another part thinks: If I have kids with this dude, I'm always going to miss my aborted child, who would have been "better", whom I'd have loved more, by the simple fact that I loved his father unconditionally..." My love, what you aborted wasn't a child. It wasn't a human; it was an embryo or fetus, just a cluster of cells. So you would only be missing a figment of your imagination. Why make yourself feel for something that never existed? You have enough on your plate already! I also don't see the point of any posters trying to "diagnose" you with a condition. It's irresponsible and pointless. Edited February 14, 2008 by Prodigal Princess
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