BurriedAlive Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Hi everyone; I guess I'd better give everyone an update since I haven't posted in quite awhile. Well, I am VERY happy to report, I am really okay and have totally moved on from MM. I don't think about him anymore and I really don't care what goes on in his life. If he were to contact me again, I would hang up on him or slam the door in his face. So, to all you OWs out there, you can use me as an example that you truly can be okay without MM and yes, the pain eventually goes away!!! Anyway, my problem is a new one. I have had sex with 3 single guys since MM and it was NOTHING like the sex I had with MM. In the first situation, I really liked the guy I was seeing and had fallen for him quite quickly. He totally swept me off my feet and was cute and smart. I had sex with him twice and both times I could hear the #27 bus going up the street!!!! It was so quiet and boring. The second guy was a little better but I couldn't wait for it to be over. Final, the last guy was really into me and you could tell he was really into the sex but I just couldn't get into it. In all cases, I would have prefered to be doing something else!! Is this normal???? At this point I really couldn't care less if I ever had sex again. Is it the excitement and danger that I miss? Or maybe I haven't met the right guy yet. Has anyone else gone through this??? Like I said, I am really over MM and I have no intention of ever speaking to him, nor do I think about the sex we had. Help!!
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 You haven't met the right guy yet, and haven't clicked in every way...Or, you miss the dramatic stuff an affair brings on which makes it more intense, so now being with single guys isn't measuring up.. Honestly? I think you just aren't ready to completely give yourself openly to another man. It hasn't been that long since you and the MM broke up. Don't stress about it. Just enjoy your singlehood and have fun...The right guy will come your way eventually, and when he does, you'll know it!
SeraBella Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 How long has it been since you left MM? It takes a long time for me to get over someone I cared about...especially when it comes to bring intimate with someone else. I can't do rebound sex at all. Anytime I think I should try, I remember this one time in college it was a few weeks after ending a LTR and I thought I'd try to hook up with a guy in one of my roommate's classes. We flirted for a couple weeks, he knew my situation, and he ended up getting a hotel room for us since we both had a lot of roommates and no privacy. I completely thought it was what I wanted and we tried, but I absolutely could not even be slightly aroused. And he was a good looking guy, definitely my "type." Then I started crying, and was just a mess. He understood and didn't make me do anything, but I just felt like a complete ass. I know my case is a lot different but thinking about that situation just reminds me not to try to force anything. There have been other times where I've tried, and it's just not very good. It has nothing to do with the men being single vs. married. I know I can't do NSA sex. I know the strings make it better for me. I can't tell someone I barely know what turns me on. I can't feel the same way about it. I don't get into it like I do when I'm really into the man. I could describe the best sex I ever had, and my "ideal" sexual experience, and I'm certain many men would be able to physically do those things...but unless there's the emotional bond with the guy, it's just blah. I think maybe you're just trying to rush into the intimacy part. No one is going to be sexually compatible with every person they go on a date with. Try holding out a little longer...and if you're not feeling it, keep your pants on.
sally4sara Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Maybe you crave sex with a guy who you feel wants you so much he is willing to lose everything to have you and a single guy can't give you that feeling? Just a thought.
norajane Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Sex without intimacy can feel pretty flat after you've experienced sex with intimacy. Meaning, you don't really know these guys and you haven't developed a bond. So no matter how physically interested you might be, and no matter what kind of lover the guy is, it won't feel the same as the kind of sex you have with someone that you connect with on an intimate level.
GreenEyedLady Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 BA: I'm so glad that you've moved on! I don't have much advice to give you but I think NJ is pretty right on...
LakesideDream Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Burried, I think it's about love, not the fact that he was a MM. My experiance was with my MW.. When we made love it was transcendant. Early, years ago now I "tried" with other women. The sex was mechanical (for me), not bad, not good. Just sex. I knew it was useless when "after the act" when I would try to go to sleep I realized that I would much rather be sleeping at home with my kitty. A few years ago I just gave it up. Dreams of love and passion are much more satisfying than pointless couplings. And, that while there are dreams, there is hope.
st951 Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 When we made love it was transcendant. [snip] A few years ago I just gave it up. Dreams of love and passion are much more satisfying than pointless couplings. And, that while there are dreams, there is hope. Same here. Can't get into it at all unless I am in love. To the OP, it isn't MM vs SM. It's whether you are in love with them or not.
Author BurriedAlive Posted February 11, 2008 Author Posted February 11, 2008 Thanks for the replies guys!! BTW, it has been over 10 months now... GEL & NJ are probably right, though. The sex I had with MM was very intimate and I guess that is what was lacking. I should have waiting since I didn't really know these guys. So I guess that was the key... I didn't give it a long enough time to get to know them and possibly fall in love which made it just sex... Lakeside Dream, I totally know what you mean - how you would rather be home with your kitty!! Mr. Friday night just stayed around Saturday morning. I kept trying to encourage him to go without throwing him out but he wouldn't leave!! When he finally did, thank god! I couldn't wait to be alone. I had the option to do it again Saturday and I chose to stay home and clean....
White Flower Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 The sex I had with MM was very intimate and I guess that is what was lacking. I should have waiting since I didn't really know these guys. quote] It just may be the pheramone factor. Perhaps MM had the strongest pheramones that worked on you?
Lizzie60 Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 since I am not in love with anyone.. I would say that the sex is way better with a MM than a SG.. I don't know what it is .. but it is much better.. the experience maybe.. Maybe he (MM) is more excited and therefore, more sexual. The rush of the 'secrecy'... the 'danger of getting caught' ... I would say that the MMs, in general, are more concerned about 'being great lovers' than single guys are, they seem to be prouder about their performance...
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