jeepers31 Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 This past month has most likely been the most horrible month that I have had in a long time. I met this man on an online dating site and we set up a date. We clicked immediately. He started talking about making plans to do things with me and coming on a bit strong. We went on several dates and then he disappeared. At first I was hurt, but I was able to move on with my life. He ended up showing up one week later apologizing profusely and explaining that he was scared and that he would never do that again. So, I gave him another chance and things were ok for about a couple of weeks and I fell for him. Then again, last week he disappeared again. No calls no nothing, no returning my messages or anything. By then I had already "fallen" so to speak and it was driving me insane and killing me. I was wondering if it was something I did (like telling him I liked him) I was a wreck, feeling that he was disappearing and dumping me and not giving me the courtesty of a reason or even anything telling me that he was breaking up with me. I finally caught up with him at his house, where I demanded an explanation. He told me that when someone tries to get close he kind of shuts off and disappears. We discussed that and I made the mistake of suggesting that we be friends. We had originally planned to do something today, but I called and told him that I couldnt do the friends thing right now, maybe in a while, even though at the present moment I want nothing to do with him. I felt much relief in saying that but it hurtful for me to let him go because I have never done that before. I just can't believe how miserable I feel. We dated 1 month and I just feel like I am going through a breakup of something that was much longer. I don't know why I feel so horrible about this. My friends keep telling me that I am blaming myself for this, which I am, when I know that It's not really my fault. Did I give too much? This experience has really freaked me out and made me feel extremely weak and vulnerable and miserable. I need to make some sense of this so that it doesnt ruin any other dating experiences that I may have (that is if I get the nerve to do so) I'm overwhelmed at the current moment and I really just dont know what to do. I'm trying to take care of me, but it's not really helping me feel better. Any suggestions in making sense of this and helping me help myself so that I can date with a open heart once again?
D-Lish Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Please trust me when I tell you that you don't want this kind of relationship. I dated someone for 4 months that did the same thing to me... he kept coming and going. Loved me to death one moment and went MIA the next. I let him push and pull me for 4 months before building the courage (and respect for myself) to say get lost. Those 4 months were pretty miserable for me. I felt so much better after I let him go. Sure, it took a little grieving time, but I am so glad I didn't remain caught up with him. The best thing you can do for yourself is to cut off all contact with him. I guarantee you will look back and be glad you did.
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