Elilmomma Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Is it right for my hubby to take revenge on me for the way I treated him 2 years ago? If so why doesn't he just leave me ain't that worse than mentally torturing me and messing with my head and heart? I am an emotional wreck right now so please I need some advice..
Geishawhelk Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 If you apologised, and he said then, (or since then) that he's forgiven you, then no, it's not ok. If he is doing it deliberately, and knows he is doing it, then no, it's not ok. 2 wrongs don't make a right. If what you did was 2 years ago, and you have done nothing wrong since, then the one with the problem is him. Not you. What is past is passed. If he can't let it go, then he has a huge issue he needs to deal with sensibly, not take it out on you.
Author Elilmomma Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 What did you do to him? Long story we have been together for 11 years we have 2 daughters together. He's cheated I cheated we got past it. We got married and I suffered a miscarriage and he was just mean at that time so I treated him the same way. We would argue everyday and we talked and I asked him to leave and he agreed then he did and then he changed telling people I threw him out. anyway we got back together moved upstate he got a job and a car and we had our second baby and then he had and affair that he keeps blaming me for. I told him to get another woman like 2 years ago because he keeps telling me he can do better than me so I said go ahead. anyway he waits 2-3 years later to do it? and I gave him ultimatum and he chose me but now he says he made the wrong choice he should have chose the other woman he's just mean. do I really deserve to be mentally abused because of what I said or did 3 years ago?
Author Elilmomma Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 If you apologised, and he said then, (or since then) that he's forgiven you, then no, it's not ok. If he is doing it deliberately, and knows he is doing it, then no, it's not ok. 2 wrongs don't make a right. If what you did was 2 years ago, and you have done nothing wrong since, then the one with the problem is him. Not you. What is past is passed. If he can't let it go, then he has a huge issue he needs to deal with sensibly, not take it out on you. Yes I have apologized many times, he says he is passed all that but then he blames me for his actions now 2 years later
Woggle Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 It sounds like he is just as bad if not worse than you. I was expecting you to tell me he was this great guy and you cheated or threw him out for no reason which would make his anger very justified but you have as much right to be angry at him as he is at you. Either you two wipe the slate clean and start fresh or he leavse you if he feels he made the wrong choice.
Author Elilmomma Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 It sounds like he is just as bad if not worse than you. I was expecting you to tell me he was this great guy and you cheated or threw him out for no reason which would make his anger very justified but you have as much right to be angry at him as he is at you. Either you two wipe the slate clean and start fresh or he leavse you if he feels he made the wrong choice. I am really trying to make my marriage work but he just keeps saying hurtful things like he feel lucky cause he was able to bag a young chick, who says that to thier wife maybe I do deserve some kharma but I feel like he got me when he had his affair when is it gonna be enough. how can I heel when he keeps saying all these mean things to me?
annieo Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 He's blaming YOU for the affair after you were married? Did you cheat on him post vows? If no, then he has no right to claim hurt pride, etc.. Rubbing your nose in what was his betrayal is nasty, and I agree with previous poster - he's a weenie.
Author Elilmomma Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 He's blaming YOU for the affair after you were married? Did you cheat on him post vows? If no, then he has no right to claim hurt pride, etc.. Rubbing your nose in what was his betrayal is nasty, and I agree with previous poster - he's a weenie. no I did not cheat after we were married.. yes he is blaming me for his affair post marriage.
whichwayisup Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 You two either have to go to marriage counselling and fix your marriage, or call it quits. How much crap can you take? How long can you two last by allowing this stuff to continue? You don't deserve his treatment, but you also don't have to let another 2 years go. Make a choice, for the sake of your daughters. I'm sure they see or atleast "hear" what's going on around them.
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Very "wise" advice, WWIU! Smart-ass. Takes one to know one!
norajane Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 I am really trying to make my marriage work but he just keeps saying hurtful things like he feel lucky cause he was able to bag a young chick, who says that to thier wife maybe I do deserve some kharma but I feel like he got me when he had his affair when is it gonna be enough. how can I heel when he keeps saying all these mean things to me? So, um, why exactly do you want to make this marriage work?
Author Elilmomma Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 So, um, why exactly do you want to make this marriage work? Sometimes I don't know.. mostly for my kids and for some reason I still love hubby
Geishawhelk Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 Actually, if I may be so bold.... I would venture that the emotion you feel for this man, is not strictly speaking, 'Love'... I think, given that the relationship has contained potentially destructive elements, that you are in love with being in love, and have a need you'd like to see fulfilled, and see it fulfilled here. But I don't personally feel this 'Love' is particularly healthy, nourishing or constructive. Quite the opposite, in fact....
Author Elilmomma Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 Actually, if I may be so bold.... I would venture that the emotion you feel for this man, is not strictly speaking, 'Love'... I think, given that the relationship has contained potentially destructive elements, that you are in love with being in love, and have a need you'd like to see fulfilled, and see it fulfilled here. But I don't personally feel this 'Love' is particularly healthy, nourishing or constructive. Quite the opposite, in fact.... I do love my Husband we have alot of history together good and bad and we also share two daughters. the only thing I am looking for here is the same as everyone else some advice that's all.
Geishawhelk Posted February 12, 2008 Posted February 12, 2008 I didn't say you didn't love your husband. What I said was that it doesn't seem to be making you very happy at the moment, does it? Because it's really rather tainted by a sadness you came here to discuss, after all.....
Author Elilmomma Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 I didn't say you didn't love your husband. What I said was that it doesn't seem to be making you very happy at the moment, does it? Because it's really rather tainted by a sadness you came here to discuss, after all..... That's true.. I am just so tired of going through this bulls***. we have been going through this for like the past 6 years and I don't know how to let go. and hubby doesn't know how to let go of the past... I am lost heartbroken and miserable and depressed all the time
LakesideDream Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 Elilmomma, Maybe this is a situation where marriage counseling might be a help. You both have goodly amounts of anger, and animosity toward each other, both of you have things in the past and present that might be able to be "worked out" with professional help. Didn't work for me, but you may have better results.
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