AriaIncognito Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 So the significantly older guy that I mentioned in a previous thread and I had gone on a date last week and it went well. We conversed throughout the week for a total of a few hours, the last being 90 minutes on friday. I had invited him earlier in the weekend to join me with some friends at a local place and he accepted. I was going to be meeting up with some people for dinner, and then we were going dancing at an adjacent club. When we talked logistics about it, he asked me what I was doing for dinner, and I told him that I was meeting some people beforehand for dinner, and that he's welcome to come, but I wasn't sure if he wanted to be thrown into that situation just yet. He didn't seem phased by that and we decided to meet at 730 at the dance club. That night (last night) he was a no show. Didn't call, didn't email, nothing. I spent the night worried about him, hoping he was alright and that nothing bad happened. I had tried to call him at about 930 but got VM right away so I left a message. Heard nothing back. So, I spent the night tossing and turning wondering about it all. WTF happened? Everything up to this point had gone very well, and well I was kinda really excited about seeing him again. It broke my heart that this happened. He texted this AM with a simple "Sorry about last night". He offered no explanation. I texted back that I'd need a little more than just a cop out text, and got no response. i tried to call and got VM. So, I really don't know what happened. I'm curious to know what spooked him. I have no idea at this point what it was. Maybe he was afraid of meeting my friends? I don't know. All I know is I now don't know how to proceed. I mean, do I just drop it? Not seek out closure on this? How long do I give him in order to get back to me on it. I of course feel like he should be contacting me right now and apologizing profusely for behaving that way but that's not going to happen. So, what do you think I should do? Anyone ever have something like this happen where it was just cold feet once and they were fine past it, or is this the red flag waving that I should run far far away from? I'm blue.
norajane Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Since he made specific plans on when to meet you and where, and then all he has to stay about not showing up is 'sorry about last night', I'd say drop it. If he couldn't make it, he should have called or texted you when he knew he wasn't coming - that's the decent thing to do. Since he didn't do the decent thing, you have to write him off because he's shown you what kind of guy he is. Don't contact him anymore, just let it go.
Author AriaIncognito Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 Since he made specific plans on when to meet you and where, and then all he has to stay about not showing up is 'sorry about last night', I'd say drop it. If he couldn't make it, he should have called or texted you when he knew he wasn't coming - that's the decent thing to do. Since he didn't do the decent thing, you have to write him off because he's shown you what kind of guy he is. Don't contact him anymore, just let it go. I tend to agree with this as well. I just dont know what I'll do if he contacts me and says something I can believe (maybe I should say suckers me into believing something i presume that would be more the case right). I personally could never do that to someone, so I find it hard to believe he'd be able to justify it. Especially at his age. 50 is too old to be playing these games.
Ariadne Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 So, I really don't know what happened. Men suck is what happened. So, what do you think I should do? Get his picture if you have it, and draw a big cross on top of it with a sharpie.
oppath Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 I had a girl essentially stand me up a couple weeks ago. We had a date and were both going to train for an upcoming half marathon, so we set another date 6-7 days later to go running together after work since we are on the same campus. I called the next day to thank for the first date. She sends me an email a couple days later saying "sorry I didn't call back, I'm not ignoring you. I'll let you know about Monday in a few days." I call Sunday night. 12 days later I get an email saying "I'm so sorry, there are no excuses, but I'd love to meet you again. Not running though . Let me know; we should go to lunch soon." I wrote back saying something like "it's a good thing we didn't run together because I wear short shorts when I run. I can't show off the goods yet, I hardly know you. I'll call in a couple days." She didn't return my call a few days later to set up another date. Don't seek an explanation. Let it go. It's really on him to contact you and like you said, offer more than a cop out excuse.
Star Gazer Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Men suck is what happened. You crack me up sometimes. Aria, having been in your position, during the moment of realizing I was being stood up I was rapidly angry. FURIOUS. That was enough for me to scream into the air, "F**K YOU!!" But he contacted me and said things that suckered me into believing something that I could con myself into believing. Big mistake that was, even with the fantastic explanation and apology he offered. "Sorry about last night," in retrospect, would NEVER be enough.
Author AriaIncognito Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 You crack me up sometimes. Aria, having been in your position, during the moment of realizing I was being stood up I was rapidly angry. FURIOUS. That was enough for me to scream into the air, "F**K YOU!!" But he contacted me and said things that suckered me into believing something that I could con myself into believing. Big mistake that was, even with the fantastic explanation and apology he offered. "Sorry about last night," in retrospect, would NEVER be enough. Yeah I grew increasingly unsettled inside last night as it was occurring. I had built it up in my mind that last night was gonna be really nice, and well, it turned out to be the opposite, at least as far as dating in concerned. I had fun with my friends of course, I just wish I didn't have that anxiety all night looking around to see if he showed up. So I guess everyone is saying there's no way it would work out even if I decided to "forgive" this one. It's tough to give up hope on someone. Of course since we aren't all that far in, it shouldn't be as difficult as the last...
Author AriaIncognito Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 So, I really don't know what happened. Men suck is what happened. For once Ariadne, I totally agree with you :lmao:
Star Gazer Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 So I guess everyone is saying there's no way it would work out even if I decided to "forgive" this one. It's tough to give up hope on someone. Of course since we aren't all that far in, it shouldn't be as difficult as the last... I'm not saying there is NO way, but the chances that he's capable of giving you what you need, want, and deserve is slim. A decent man wouldn't have stood you up to begin with, and if he did, he would have a damn good explanation and be smothering you with an apology. Even if he had provided the latter (as was the case in my situation), he would still stand on shaky ground... ...and that shaky ground is just not enough. That's how I see it, anyway.
Always Wrong Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 So, I really don't know what happened. Men suck is what happened. So, what do you think I should do? Get his picture if you have it, and draw a big cross on top of it with a sharpie. Make a little stick figure... with popsicle sticks... superglue his picture to it and set it on fire... or stick pins and needles into it! Yea, pins and needles. Longterm discomfort. Fire would be too quick.
Always Wrong Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 I can understand someone getting so tied up with a long day at work that they just forget to touch base a day when nothing was planned... but the s.o.b. made a date.
Author AriaIncognito Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 I can understand someone getting so tied up with a long day at work that they just forget to touch base a day when nothing was planned... but the s.o.b. made a date. Yes when nothing is planned I can totally understand it. Heck, if we hadn't talked about our plans in a few days MAYBE I could understand it. But we talked about it at Midnight the day of, so really there's little excuse. He got spooked somehow, he should own up to it. I highly doubt in the 15 hours we were apart saturday he all of a sudden realized I'm not what he might want so he just stayed home. I think it's something a little more than that.
Ariadne Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 He got spooked somehow, he should own up to it. I highly doubt in the 15 hours.. Maybe he tought you were too much into the hanging with friends/clubbing/social scene and he is over that. That would be my guess.
Star Gazer Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 He got spooked somehow, he should own up to it. I highly doubt in the 15 hours we were apart saturday he all of a sudden realized I'm not what he might want so he just stayed home. I think it's something a little more than that. Sounds like he is ambivalent, and responds to those mixed emotions with disrespect. Blech.
Always Wrong Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 He could also have some strange mental condition. Oh, I forgot, he's the typical man, that's a mental condition in itself! lol
Author AriaIncognito Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 Maybe he tought you were too much into the hanging with friends/clubbing/social scene and he is over that. That would be my guess. I dont think this is the case, considering I met him in a similar place with a group of people... It's not "clubbing". It's grown up stuff. Not like I'm going to a meat market, far from it.
Author AriaIncognito Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 He could also have some strange mental condition. Oh, I forgot, he's the typical man, that's a mental condition in itself! lol This is more likely the case.
Teacher's Pet Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Yeah I grew increasingly unsettled inside last night as it was occurring. You should have come to our usual hangout at that point. You know we would all have cheered you up in our special way. -TP heehee
Author AriaIncognito Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 You should have come to our usual hangout at that point. You know we would all have cheered you up in our special way. -TP heehee I wasn't about to abandon the 16 people I was with for the 1 person that was being a jackass....
Kamille Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Yes when nothing is planned I can totally understand it. Heck, if we hadn't talked about our plans in a few days MAYBE I could understand it. But we talked about it at Midnight the day of, so really there's little excuse. He got spooked somehow, he should own up to it. I highly doubt in the 15 hours we were apart saturday he all of a sudden realized I'm not what he might want so he just stayed home. I think it's something a little more than that. I got stood up once (hated it!) and the guy actually did turn up with a good excuse: he wasn't over his ex. I believed him. He told me he liked me and would like it if kept seeing each other, but I chose to walk away. So I think your hunch is right: it likely has very little to do with you.
Always Wrong Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Maybe he's a cerial killer and did in a box of cornflakes before your date. Having his twisted urge satisfied, you were spared. Whew! That was a close one.
Art_Critic Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 You didn't spook him.. if you had he wouldn't have even texted you the short apology.. He either has a drinking/drug problem or he made other plans and just blew you off.. He also could be married or in a relationship This guy is only going to be heartache for you..
Author AriaIncognito Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 You didn't spook him.. if you had he wouldn't have even texted you the short apology.. He either has a drinking/drug problem or he made other plans and just blew you off.. He also could be married or in a relationship This guy is only going to be heartache for you.. I agree with the latter. More than likely he'd be a PIA for me if it starts out this way. Another person has stated that maybe he didn't view it was a "date" since I invited him to come along and didn't think it would be a big deal that he didn't show. Sure that's possible, but still doesn't explain why he couldn't cancel on me.
Always Wrong Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Are you saying you just invited him to come along to an event that was already planned without his involvement? Oh, I missed that. Well then, I feel bad for bashing him as bad as I did. hmmm I think I'll go watch tv and feel stupid all by myself now.
Author AriaIncognito Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 Are you saying you just invited him to come along to an event that was already planned without his involvement? Oh, I missed that. Well then, I feel bad for bashing him as bad as I did. hmmm I think I'll go watch tv and feel stupid all by myself now. Yes. I have had these plans for over 1 month. Instead of not seeing him this weekend, I thought maybe he'd like to come along. So, I asked him... Regardless, he accepted, and should have had the decency to cancel if he wasn't going to be coming. Even if I'm just a friend, which at this point is what I am as we just started to get to know eachother, it's common courtesy.
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