I am terrified of pregnancy and what it will do to my body.

February 10, 2008

I would like to be really honest here: I've always found pregnancy and children gross. But as I grew a bit more mature, I became a bit more comfortable with the idea. I figured that I will probably be perfectly comfortable with pregnancy and kids once I hit 25-30 and really start wanting one of my own.

That was until recently when a friend of mine experienced pregnancy and I learned about all of its disgusting side effects. I also did some research online, and stumbled upon this web site, which shows the kind of damage that giving birth does to a woman's body: http://theshapeofamother.com/home.php

I've seriously had a panic attack from watching these pictures. Will pregnancy seriously wreck my body like this? All of a sudden the world starts to seem really unfair to me as a female. I resent the fact that men have it so easy. I resent them even more when I think of old men who go out and cheat on their wives just because the wife doesn't want to have sex anymore. Hell, having your body destroyed like that, can you blame her for feeling disgusted with herself? I am scared that I will never want children because of my fears of hating myself and my body after giving birth. I am even more scared of my future husband bailing out on me when I will be facing this hard situation. I don't think men really understand how many physical and emotional problems women face when they are pregnant.

I realize most of this might sound immature to mothers (my own mother smacks me upside the head when she hears me expressing my disgust towards pregnancy). But I can't help these feelings and I don't know how to reason myself to accept these facts of life. It all just seems awfully scary to me right now. Any help? How do men feel about their wives bodies after they've given birth? How much of a strain does it really put on the relationship?

February 10, 2008

I've never been pregnant, but...

If you really think about it, that's what we are here for. I'm a biologist, so that's the way I've always thought about it. What it all boils down to is that our only purpose is to procreate. Some people might think that's ridiculous, and that's not to say our lives can't mean more, but I think that's reality. Our bodies are not going to be 'destroyed' by pregnancy/childbirth. We are built for it. That's why we have breasts and have a period every month. I also think that's partly why we have attractions and sexual desires.

I'm not sure how old you are, but your view might change. It also might not. That's okay, too. I'm 23 and I've started having the desire to get pregnant in the last few months, I'm not going to, but the want is there now that I'm in a stable relationship. Sure, it's not easy, and maybe it's not fair that men don't have to go through all of this, but I think it's worth it when all is said and done.

February 10, 2008

RELAX !!! You poor thing, sometimes research is NOT the way to go ! I had my one and only kid at 27. I breast fed, so within the first month I was back in my size 1 jeans and wearing bikini's ( and getting hit on) at the beach. My boobs, might have been a tad less perky, but even at 40 now, I think they're pretty ok, and never had a complaint. And, if it's worse than that, there's always boob jobs !

February 10, 2008

None of the pictures you presented - the mothers bodies were "werecked" some of them did get a little chubby but theres a good chance they were like that pre-pregnancy.

If you husband bails on you because your body changes some after you produce a child, then hes not the person you should be producing a child with.

Im sure you can get pretty close to pre-pregnancy look after going on a exercise regimen.

Having a kid changes allot - not just your physical appearance, thats just something you will have to accept and want, if you don't then I don't think you are ready to have a kid.

I am male and for me - I would say it would be amazing to watch a theoretical future wife of mine create a child within herself. Watching how she changes and as the child develops would be an amazing experience.

February 10, 2008

I've been to shapeofamother.com too and I have to say, those pictures can be pretty frightening. However, remember that everyone's bodies are going to change someday.

Imagine if they had shapeofaseniorcitizen.com ? You'd be seeing a lot of the same things! Droopy bellies, sagging butts, flabby boobs. Gravity and age wreak havoc on a once-perky body too. And it happens to men, too

My BF has stretch marks on his body from a rapid growth spurt during his teens. Am I turned off by them? No way. They are uniquely his and I love all of him. Anyone who rejects you because of physical imperfections isn't worthy of you.

February 10, 2008

I don't think any of those pictures seem all that bad. Any of the "wreckage" simply is a battle wound to me, and I think the love you experience with a child is simply worth all of it.

Pregnancy isn't for everyone. If you're really that worried about it, then there is nothing forcing you to do it. Your views do sound a bit immature, so it seems kind of a blessing you're not having children, yet.

I have one friend who never wanted children. She wanted nothing to do with anything of the sort. She wanted to focus on traveling with her husband, and spending money on their home, etc. Then one day she found out she was pregnant and her world turned upside-down. She would tell you that you wouldn't believe the way your views change when you truly realize the impact of a baby. She miscarried, and was absolutely devastated. They were fortunate to get pregnant again and had a healthy pregnancy. And she'd tell you that each day with their son is worth so much more than the mediterranean cruise they were planning on taking this winter would have been.

If you want to raise a child, there are lots of children in need of a good home...someone else already wrecked their body so you don't have to.

February 10, 2008

First, everyone's bodies are different. Some people are able to get back to their pre-pregnancy weight some aren't. some fall victim to the eating more routine and end up putting on MORE weight after they deliver. Then, there's some that lose the baby weight PLUS some of their pre-pregnancy weight. It all depends on how you take care of yourself before during and after.

I just recently had my first baby... I gained 70lbs during the pregnancy. My mother gained 80 with me and was back down to 140lbs (she's 5'8) by the time i was a year old. 2 Weeks after I left the hospital I had already dropped 20lbs. Keep in mind you lose an average of 10-13 lbs right after delivery because of the baby (duh), the placenta, and the extra fluids. The fluids and extra blood continues to go away for the first 2-3 weeks postpartum. Granted... that part is rather disgusting because its like being on your period for a couple of weeks, but it goes away.

A friend of mine was a size 00 before getting pregnant, she got up to a size 6 while pregnant and looked like a stick with a beach ball attached to it, but she was an adorable pregnant girl. She was only in labor for a few hours, recieved no stretch marks, no stitches and dropped back down to a size 2-3 within a couple of months... and she looks better now than she did before since she now has a lil meat on her.

Unfortunately... I gave birth in the winter months, so its a little harder to lose the weight as fast as I would like. BUT my fiance says he has no problem with it since its not like I can get out and do anything due to the weather. I even had a break down in front of him afterwards crying that my body was wrecked and all of the other horror stories that go along with it including the "I GAINED DAMN NEAR 80 POUNDS BECAUSE OF THIS" he held me close and told me he loved me and every pound I had gained seeing as I gave him what he truly wanted all his life. Come summer time though, I plan to be back where I was.

It all depends on what you do. If you were inactive before pregnancy and during pregnancy.. chances are its gonna be hard to get the weight off. You gotta work dilligently at it. There's exercise regimines all over the internet for post-partum moms and they work.

As for the stretch marks, some get em' some don't. Most of the time if you take care of your skin and take care of yourself during pregnancy, you won't get them as badly... if at all.

I noticed the pictures you were talking about were all of women and their bellies. Would you expect their bellies not to get big? I mean, they ARE carrying a little human around inside of them. Besides, a lot of men find it attractive when a woman is carrying because she's obviously able to procreate (its the primal instinct that comes out in men) its what we're put here to do. And pregnancy can help you actually. Some girls don't have a butt before being pregnant... all of a sudden that weight comes on and they end up with a cute little butt and a nice set of hips after all is said and done. Bigger boobs for those that didn't have much before (though... mine stayed unchanged... oddly enough) But then again, there's men out there that are shallow and want the glamorized stick thin run way model look. THATS NOT HEALTHY. there's nothing wrong with appearing healthy. and the men that want you to look like a coke addict are obviously NOT the ones you should consider having children with.

Furthermore, a lot of people worry about their vagina's being wrecked and not being able to enjoy sex as much. KEGELS KEGELS KEGELS! they not only make sex more enjoyable... but it helps to regain control after your pelvic muscles have been stretched. Sex now for me... is more enjoyable than it was pre-pregnancy. My baby braised me in quite a few places while coming out. and yes, stitches are a nightmare but all wounds heal. and its all worth it to look into the eyes of your child and know that you created this miracle and he/she loves you UNCONDITIONALLY.

Horror stories are just that. Again, everyone is different and as long as you lead a healthy lifestyle before during and after most likely your body will not become your enemy. The saying goes: 9 months to put it on... 9 months to take it off. You just gotta work on keeping yourself healthy and active... which should be the case anyway.

Don't worry. Pregnancy isn't all that bad. There's far worse things that could happen than gaining a few temporary pounds, a stitch or two and a couple stretch marks.

February 10, 2008

If you are that terrified about your body changing due to child birth and feel those changes make a woman "wrecked", you are in for a really depressing life later on. All things are change especially the physical stuff. Find something in yourself to value that isn't so effected by gravity. Once you can do that, you actually will be beautiful and that won't go away no matter how many kids you have or what age you end up living to.

February 10, 2008

I appreciate all of your input. Some of you seem to think that what I fear the most gaining some weight and not be able to get rid of it afterwards. I've lost weight before so that's not really the part that scare me. What scares me is the PERMANENT changes to the body: stretch marks, the FLABBY leftover skin around the stomach that never goes away and these women talk about having to tuck into their jeans, lopsided breasts, damaged nipples. Those of you who said that these women's bodies weren't wrecked, just look at these pictures:

Wearing a bikini for these women will never be the same again:

http://theshapeofamother.com/

http://theshapeofamother.com/2008/01/still-beautiful-even-on-the-ou.php

http://theshapeofamother.com/2007/12/pureacceptance-denise.php

Breasts:

http://theshapeofamother.com/2007/12/6-weeks-post-partum-anonymous-1.php

http://theshapeofamother.com/2007/12/3-nursing-kids-later-lego-men.php

http://theshapeofamother.com/2007/11/taking-sides-anonymous.php

Still don't think these are wrecked?!

February 10, 2008

I've been to shapeofamother.com too and I have to say, those pictures can be pretty frightening. However, remember that everyone's bodies are going to change someday.

Imagine if they had shapeofaseniorcitizen.com ? You'd be seeing a lot of the same things! Droopy bellies, sagging butts, flabby boobs. Gravity and age wreak havoc on a once-perky body too. And it happens to men, too

Yes that's true, but I've always thought that those drastic changes only start around 40 years old or so.. Actually I don't think I'm too well informed because my mother has always looked great and had a tight body even after she was 40. But I'm not built like her, I'm flabbier and more prone to fatness. That's why I'm worried about having this wreckage done to my body at only 30 years old (that's the earlier I would even consider having a child)...

February 10, 2008

I appreciate all of your input. Some of you seem to think that what I fear the most gaining some weight and not be able to get rid of it afterwards. I've lost weight before so that's not really the part that scare me. What scares me is the PERMANENT changes to the body: stretch marks, the FLABBY leftover skin around the stomach that never goes away and these women talk about having to tuck into their jeans, lopsided breasts, damaged nipples. Those of you who said that these women's bodies weren't wrecked, just look at these pictures:

Wearing a bikini for these women will never be the same again:
http://theshapeofamother.com/
http://theshapeofamother.com/2008/01/still-beautiful-even-on-the-ou.php

http://theshapeofamother.com/2007/12/pureacceptance-denise.php

Breasts:
http://theshapeofamother.com/2007/12/6-weeks-post-partum-anonymous-1.php
http://theshapeofamother.com/2007/12/3-nursing-kids-later-lego-men.php
http://theshapeofamother.com/2007/11/taking-sides-anonymous.php

Still don't think these are wrecked?!

One word for you - adoption.

And no, I don't think those bodies are wrecked. Some of those are even beautiful. I totally agree with the point of the website which is to show how brainwashed we are in our society by a perticular construction of female beauty.

February 10, 2008

I agree with the OP and completely understand not wanting to have kids because it ruins your body.

Of course, that's just one of a hundred reasons not to have kids but a damn good one!

February 10, 2008

the part about stretch marks eh... minor battle scars. like ive said some get em' some dont. i guess its all in genetic makeup really. flabby left over skin is not always a case. sure your stomach is flabby, jello-like, and pretty damn jiggly right after having a baby. but that's what TONING is for. the flab and jiggle is due to your stomach muscles not being able to function normally and stretching to accomodate the baby. it can go away if you take measures to remedy it. even for those that don't have flab after giving birth, their stomachs are softer. again... toning. i've never heard of lopsided breasts due to pregnancy. so i don't know. and to my understanding unless surgically augmented your breasts are never an EXACT match to each other anyway. as for damaged nipples in one scenario... that comes as a result of poor breast feeding techniques, mostly from the baby not having a proper latch on. mine were temporarily damaged... and my daughter BRUTALIZED my nipples because she curled her upper lip under. I was bruised, bloody and scabbed. No matter what I did to remedy the way she latched, nothing worked. So I pumped and bottle fed her. My nipples are now fine. I suppose in some instances some women can lose feeling. Either way, adoption probably is your best decision if you're THAT concerned over the changes that occur. Bodily changes became the least of new mother's worries in my experience. Especially after they realized that 2-4 hours of sleep is all that they'd be getting a night for the next few months. I don't know about others, but I'd rather be well rested than look like a super model.

Besides, beauty is not everlasting. We get old, we get fat, we bald, we wrinkle, we break bones, droop, sag, and become brittle. Its a sad inevitable cruel fact of life that everyone has the potential to face... whether parents or not.

February 10, 2008

I appreciate all of your input. Some of you seem to think that what I fear the most gaining some weight and not be able to get rid of it afterwards. I've lost weight before so that's not really the part that scare me. What scares me is the PERMANENT changes to the body: stretch marks, the FLABBY leftover skin around the stomach that never goes away and these women talk about having to tuck into their jeans, lopsided breasts, damaged nipples. Those of you who said that these women's bodies weren't wrecked, just look at these pictures:

Wearing a bikini for these women will never be the same again:
http://theshapeofamother.com/
http://theshapeofamother.com/2008/01/still-beautiful-even-on-the-ou.php

http://theshapeofamother.com/2007/12/pureacceptance-denise.php

Breasts:
http://theshapeofamother.com/2007/12/6-weeks-post-partum-anonymous-1.php
http://theshapeofamother.com/2007/12/3-nursing-kids-later-lego-men.php
http://theshapeofamother.com/2007/11/taking-sides-anonymous.php

Still don't think these are wrecked?!

Something wrong happened with these mothers, because naturally thats not what its supposed to look like, if your worried about lopsided breasts alternate the one your baby feeds on, on the others I can only say something drastically went wrong, or they had way to many kids because having a single baby without complications should not produce images like these, plus I think those photos were fairly recent after they had a kid, wait a year or so and it would probably look different.

Edited February 10, 2008 by Arch

February 10, 2008

Besides, beauty is not everlasting. We get old, we get fat, we bald, we wrinkle, we break bones, droop, sag, and become brittle. Its a sad inevitable cruel fact of life that everyone has the potential to face... whether parents or not.

Thats not quite right, Bill Pearl - the master of body building still looks great even for being in his 80s,

February 11, 2008

I've noticed that the thinner the woman is before the pregnancy, the better she will look afterwards. It seems like only the size 0-2 women are able to look the same after the pregnancy. For those who are fatter, it seems to totally change their shape. Is that accurate?

Also, does it help getting in great shape before you get pregnant, even if you know you will still gain weight? I would think that if you have strong abs and a strong core, your body will be better equipped to bear the child? Is that so?

February 11, 2008

Yes, I do believe that being in shape before, will help your body rebound quicker.

But really kiddo, stop worrying about this ! People change and evolve so much as they grow, especially in their early 20's.

I used to think of pregnancy as being akin to the Alien movies, where some THING was using me and sucking me dry, and TOLD my husband, NO KIDS.

WEll 5 yrs later, everything changed, and suddenly my bio clock went DING DING DING, and I was pregnant a month later.

And while I was lucky to have " sprung back" so quickly, I was so MADLY in love with that little creature that my whole way of looking at the world changed.

So for now, know that many people can and do look great after pregnancy, and then relax, get on with your life, fall in love with one of the good guys, and when it's time to procreate, you'll know it !!!

February 11, 2008

I feel like you do OP and I don't really think there is anything wrong with feeling this way. Having my body change and become "wrecked" is one of the many reasons I have chosen to never have kids.

However if a man is going to leave you because your body isn't a size 0-4 anymore because you has his kids I think he is a shallow jerk who isn't worth your time.

February 11, 2008

But really kiddo, stop worrying about this ! People change and evolve so much as they grow, especially in their early 20's.

I used to think of pregnancy as being akin to the Alien movies, where some THING was using me and sucking me dry, and TOLD my husband, NO KIDS.

Yes yes yes! THAT! That's how I feel!

Well hopefully my view of the world will change with the biological clock and everything..... I guess I should stop worrying about this for the next 5 years..

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I am terrified of pregnancy and what it will do to my body.

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