micahmo77 Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Hey. So, I was wondering...do you think it matters a whole lot what your last words to your ex was? By that I mean...if you emailed, called, sent a letter, whatever...and then you go NC, do you think your last words will leave something with them to think about? For me I was trying and trying to try and make things work with the X. As alot of you know, we went on the trip together even after I forgave her for cheating with this guy. Wrote her a huge letter pouring my heart out prior to the trip, she cries and wants to work it out. Had a great time together but got back from the trip and she says she loves me but not in love anymore. Needed a break and time to figure out what she wanted etc. I cry and plead for her to stay, we just took a trip together etc, look weak and pathetic basically. Then during the week after we have light contact, I would call her she would call me every other day just to say hi. Then I catch her in a lie and I find her at the guys house. Bust them out and tell him everything, went to Hawaii together when she told him a different story, since she hadent called him. He didnt know she had a boyfriend for 4 years and we lived together. Well we were engaged actually, so yeah, I didnt make a scene and get all crazy, yelling or screaming. Just told her that I loved her and how could she do that. She kept telling me to leave etc. So I did and on the way out I asked the guy a kind of rude question then left. Havent talked to her since, 12 days ago. I know sounds crazy that im even still stressing about her, but what can I say, we were suppossed to get married and I love her. Love can forgive I do believe I know I'm over thinking this way too much but it is something that interests me. How much more effective [in terms of the ex missing us, wanting us back, realising what they are missing] is it to leave them on a calm, cool, collected, slightly cocky even way. Has anyone else found anything from this? Maybe your ex seemed to react better when you left them in that way? Or you reacted better to your ex? Just wondering. Also, if you'e in NC...how did you leave it? __________________
norajane Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 In your situation, I don't think anything you could have said would have made any difference. She cheated on you, you took her back. She yanks the leash, and you go on a trip with her. She has another guy at her house and lying to you BOTH, and you STILL want her back despite knowing she's a cheater, a liar, and a b*tch. She is clearly not feeling love for you the way you feel for her, so rant or act coy, you still will not make any impression on her feelings because she lost her 'in love with you' feeling a long time ago. And she has another guy. So don't second guess what you did or didn't say. When someone treats you like she has, there's nothing you can say to changer her character, which is what would need to happen for her to be an honest, loving partner with integrity.
Belkin Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Hum... Last words were not very kind on my part! Last phone call: "how could you do that? Say you would take a break to think things over and kiss him the next day??? You're really... pfff... Right, don't answer, go find comfort in his arms. [she was in his room at the time. Then I hang up]" . Then txt message: "If you still have any humanity left in you, at least have the decency to not come with us [group of common friends] tonight at the cinema." After that, not one word... When I think we had had a friendly conversation the night before discussion the breakup and her new guy! Yes, I do regret getting mad like that, but at least we stopped the "let's just be friends" mascarade! I'm really cold to her now, even though she tries to smile at me when we bump into each other... I deleted all her contact information to prevent myself from more dumb comments I'd regret later. I wish I had initiated NC just before that phone call! But that doesn't mean I don't feel anything for her anymore, that would be waaaay too easy. Well, that's my 2 cents on the matter...
mistie03 Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 After disappearing for a week at Christmas without so much as a phone call until 3 days after, he was a reall a***** about it. He said, Why should I call? We didn't have plans did we? Besides, you're the one who said you were single" (that was something he twisted). This is a guy that I had been dating for almost 8 years! I said, "I gotta go" and hung up on him. Nine days later, he calls and says, "Hey, I need to get my table saw out of your back garage. Are you busy?" And, "I'll only be 5 minutes and then I'll be gone". I didn't answer him about whether or not I was busy. I just said, "I'll go out there and open the gate and unlock the garage for you." He came and got the saw. Never approached the house. He was gone quickly. Never heard from him again. That was 24 days ago. NC, nada, zilch. I will have to hear from him again because he still has a lot of stuff in my garage! And I mean a LOT! (cars, tools, gun safe, Jet Ski etc).
CalamitousJane Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 You acted like a normal, emotional human in shock and love, and I think that's fine. You showed her and yourself that you are alive and have a heart. At least one of you does. No reason to pretend you're a robot. I think the most manly and noble way to handle that kind of nasty situation is: 1. Show exactly how deeply affected you are by her behavior - don't attempt to spare her. Say everything you need to say. 2. Pull yourself together, get as far away from the situation as you can, and get on with your life. Anyone who can do that cleanly gets major karma points. It sounds like you're doing very, very well, considering. I'm glad you didn't marry her. Save yourself for someone who deserves you.
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