GlamourBabe Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 (edited) I really need your guys advice as I am just about coming to the end of the road and I have no idea ]3 months ago, yes...3 MONTHS AGO. My ex broke up with me. The longest we have gone without contact is 7 days reinforced by me. I wont go into the ins and outs as to why he broke up with me because when it comes down to it , the reasons seem to be preety typical. However, I have been extremely depressed over this. He has seen me on 4 different occasions since the break up. He doesnt live in close proximity, so that 4 times is a LOT!. We have slept together on those 4 occasions, with him acting like he is my boyfriend. e.t.c sunday I felt very suicidal, I really missed him and I was confused. If I say I love him, he will reply " I love you too ". I have said to him on many occasions, lets go NC, I can not take this " He is like, " I cant not talk to you" " I just get the urges to speak to you because I miss you" ARRRRRRRRRGH ]It has been like this the whole time, this constant toing and f****** froing! Its driving me insane. Last sunday, I was ready to end it all, I just didnt want to be on this planet anymore. I called him ( and no it wasnt an attention seeking thing) I was going to get my friend to speak to him because I couldnt do it ) He then tells me, when I say "you dont love me do you" that he" doesnt feel the same way, no" And I am like , what I end the call, the next day I just decide to go straight into NC, because I felt like the man was messing me around!! He texts me on the monday ( day after ) to ask whether I was ok, he calls . I dont answer. On wednesday he texts and calls again. Again I dont answer. Calls my house phone, and leaves a very rattled voicemail on my mobile. I returned all his calls last night, it being 7 days NC. He was p***** to say the least. He was saying things like " I thought you were never going to talk to me again, are you playing f****** games" "How could you not let me know you were ok, I thought you were dead" Clearly, I now feel like s*** and feel guilty as hell. I was only thinking about myself for once! The remainder of the conversation was good, and I asked him would he like to see me? He said he would, but then I thought to myself this is me hanging on once a f***** again. I then say to him, look NC unless you want to be with me. He starts getting upset and says "he dont want that but he will do it if thats what I want" He says " I dont see you as a friend, I never will but I have always seen you in my life. I miss you a lot, and I do love you. I dont know if we will get back together.e.tc" This is CONFUSING I ended the call and he sends a text saying I dont mind if you still want to talk to me, I just dont like when we say one thing and do another" ARRRRRRRRRRRGH! I know he wants me to be in contact with him, he doesnt like the idea of me not talking to him at all. And oh yeah, I almost forgot. I asmitted that I had been on one date since the break up and he was not pleased. His reply was " you didnt sleep with him did you"? Please help Edited February 10, 2008 by GlamourBabe
SeraBella Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 If you keep him in your life you will never get over him. And you'll never have him. Stop worrying about his feelings and focus on yourself. He cares for you, but not the way you want him to, and that is not going to change.
Meaplus3 Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 I really need your guys advice as I am just about coming to the end of the road and I have no idea ]3 months ago, yes...3 MONTHS AGO. My ex broke up with me. The longest we have gone without contact is 7 days reinforced by me. I wont go into the ins and outs as to why he broke up with me because when it comes down to it , the reasons seem to be preety typical. However, I have been extremely depressed over this. He has seen me on 4 different occasions since the break up. He doesnt live in close proximity, so that 4 times is a LOT!. We have slept together on those 4 occasions, with him acting like he is my boyfriend. e.t.c sunday I felt very suicidal, I really missed him and I was confused. If I say I love him, he will reply " I love you too ". I have said to him on many occasions, lets go NC, I can not take this " He is like, " I cant not talk to you" " I just get the urges to speak to you because I miss you" ARRRRRRRRRGH ]It has been like this the whole time, this constant toing and f****** froing! Its driving me insane. Last sunday, I was ready to end it all, I just didnt want to be on this planet anymore. I called him ( and no it wasnt an attention seeking thing) I was going to get my friend to speak to him because I couldnt do it ) He then tells me, when I say "you dont love me do you" that he" doesnt feel the same way, no" And I am like , what I end the call, the next day I just decide to go straight into NC, because I felt like the man was messing me around!! He texts me on the monday ( day after ) to ask whether I was ok, he calls . I dont answer. On wednesday he texts and calls again. Again I dont answer. Calls my house phone, and leaves a very rattled voicemail on my mobile. I returned all his calls last night, it being 7 days NC. He was p***** to say the least. He was saying things like " I thought you were never going to talk to me again, are you playing f****** games" "How could you not let me know you were ok, I thought you were dead" Clearly, I now feel like s*** and feel guilty as hell. I was only thinking about myself for once! The remainder of the conversation was good, and I asked him would he like to see me? He said he would, but then I thought to myself this is me hanging on once a f***** again. I then say to him, look NC unless you want to be with me. He starts getting upset and says "he dont want that but he will do it if thats what I want" He says " I dont see you as a friend, I never will but I have always seen you in my life. I miss you a lot, and I do love you. I dont know if we will get back together.e.tc" This is CONFUSING I ended the call and he sends a text saying I dont mind if you still want to talk to me, I just dont like when we say one thing and do another" ARRRRRRRRRRRGH! I know he wants me to be in contact with him, he doesnt like the idea of me not talking to him at all. And oh yeah, I almost forgot. I asmitted that I had been on one date since the break up and he was not pleased. His reply was " you didnt sleep with him did you"? Please help The early day's of NC are never easy.. and on some day's many feel impossible, however it does get easier if you stick with it. Try to distract yourself.. do thing's for just you and forget about how he feel's it can make a big difference. Hang in there. AP:)
Author GlamourBabe Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 Hi, thank you for your replies. I understand what you both are saying. I just got off the phone to him and it was DRAINING to say the least. We still didnt get anywhere and its still all up in the air. Bottom line is he dont want me, so I just need to move on with my life. I need to stop worrying about him now. I feel physically exhausted and its doing my head in now. I feel like I want to cry but I cant, I feel like I have cried all I can cry. I am just going to think about myself now..its about time. Me time is well overdue. I just feel so tired with all of this its taken every bit of strength out of me
Author GlamourBabe Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 Just called him back again, told him " dont call me unless you want to be with me" and here I am... I feel devastated, and scared
Author GlamourBabe Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 SND, I really hope so. I am so worried but I know it was the right thing to do. Pros FOR STAYING IN CONTACT I can pathetically hope that he wants me back by engaging in general conversation and get to hear his voice! ( sad ) Cons I get a reminder that he doesnt want me and that he rejected me. I may find out one day when he starts sleeping with someone else or seeing someone else. He will see me every now and again and we will be intimate which makes me feel worse when he goes. I hang on meaning I ignore every other decent male in the universe. He gets irriated with me when I bring up the relationship. He is not very nice to me sometimes. Well this list speaks for itself... Why am I still hoping I made the right decision. I do hope I am strong enough to see this through this time. The ball really is in his court now if he wants me he has to have all of me or nothing at all.. oh god...
s_n_d Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Your absolutely right. The ball is in his court. Its the same case for my ex and I. The ball is in his court. Its my 11th day of NC today. Ive come really far and Im proud of myself for being able to do it for this long. I never thought I would be able to do it. But trust me it will get better with NC. I can already feel it working. I still love him and I think I will for a long long time but I am finally getting stuff done whether it be assignments for university, working out, and doing other productive things. I find myself feeling less and less depressed and sad for myself. Instead Im so much happier now. And yet if he wanted me back I know for a fact that I would run back to him...Pathetic i know.
Author GlamourBabe Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 Hey snd, its not pathetic at all least your not making the contact which is the main thing here. I asm trying to get some self woth back and establish some boundaries and standards. Sometimes, when we are the the dumpee we drop any standards or boundaries because we want them back but its not good. 11 days NC is a big acheievement. The longest I have done is 7 days did you announce NC to him?
s_n_d Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Nope, I did not announce the NC to him. He doesnt even deserve that. But i regret not telling him about it. I dont want to hate him. I really dont. I dunno why..I guess its just me or maybe its just the fact that im catholic and i believe in not persecuting those who have persecuted you. Either way, I dont like holding grudges or hating someone for anything they have done to me.. But its all in the past now.. If he wants to contact me, he will.. Ill always be here.
PinkRibbon Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Honestly is sounds like you are both playing games with each other. If you are serious about not having him in your life then why are you calling him? You let him come over and sleep with you, you let him call you, you let him do all those things to you. It is time you figured out what you want and stick to it. He will never respect you and your wishes if you don't respect yourself. I know all too well how it feels to love someone so much and to have them dump you. It has only been 4 months for me and my husband. But you will get to the point that enough is enough. And I begged and cried my way through almost the whole 4 months until last week and it just hit me. So it does happen where you have had enough.
Author GlamourBabe Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 Hi, I am not playing games with him at all. Its very hard to stay away from someone you love. You are right about the self respect thing I am trying to establish that now by doing the NC indefinately. Oh well, I am trying..
Always Wrong Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 It sounds like you will probably break no contact again if you can't make it seven days without withdrawls. So here are some suggestions for a continued effort towards a real relationship... Quit letting him into your bedroom for starters. Tell him if he's committed and full time, you'll consider him for that most envious of activities after he's proven his loyalty, but don't tell him how to prove it. Tell him he's going to use his imagination and put forth some effort, otherwise take a hike. He'll start making an effort when you cut off the free nookie.
Author GlamourBabe Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 Thanks for that but he wont have a choice in the matter. I told him today not to contact me unless he wants to be with me. I am proud of myself for that.
Art_Critic Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 If you keep him in your life you will never get over him. And you'll never have him. This is so true.. that is why you have to make the break clean and go NC so you heal... and contacting someone and telling them to not contact you is contact.. Treat him to silence from now on... Silence is deafening...
Author GlamourBabe Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 Yes I totally agree with you ARTCRITC, it hurts but I know I am doing the right thing,
Art_Critic Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Yes I totally agree with you ARTCRITC, it hurts but I know I am doing the right thing, It hurts.. but it won't hurt forever... You will someone new... we always do...
Always Wrong Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Congrats. and I'll talk to my God about giving you some support with not thinking about that suicide thing. I too have had those thoughts under extreem duress, so I can relate. Don't give in, there's always a tomorrow waiting for us. If we don't show up, we might miss something good. Good things take time.
Author GlamourBabe Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 Thank you art critic and alwayswrong, I am trying to get some inner peace right now before I meet anyone new. Its ever so hard to achieve that. I have done a lot of soul searching since this break up. I can say one good thing I have a lot of love to give and one day somebody will get this love and will deserve it too rather than just take and take then treat me bad after.
Haohmaru Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 I wanna say to from the other side: I am a guy, I did the dumping, and it wasn't because I didn't love her. But, since I do love her, truly, I will not allow myself to call her as much as I want to. I respect her and I must allow her to move on. The way he is acting, he is using you. He doesn't respect you and wants to keep you on a leash for the sex and emotional uplift until he finds somebody new. And trust me, when he finds somebody new to bone and validate him, he'll drop you like a bad habit. So do yourself a favor, keep doin what you're doin. BLOCK HIS NUMBER because he WILL call again to keep you on that leash. And if you call back, even to tell him not to call you, you put yourself back to square one. Block his number NOW.
Author GlamourBabe Posted February 11, 2008 Author Posted February 11, 2008 Thank you HAOHMARU, what you saying is true. x
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