I wonder if we can get over someone without getting under another

[ninjaturtles]

I have been pondering over this for days....Do you think you can actually get over your Ex without getting under someone else?

 

Yes, I know we can live without them without getting under someone else etc, however I really wonder if it is possible to actually lose all feelings for them without actually meeting someone new.

 

Lately, I have been feeling good. I have accepted it is over; although I still think about him everyday! That's the problem..I am living life and enjoying it however anytime I hear something about him, my heart skips a bit.

 

Has anyone lost feelings with time? (Without the help of someone new?)

 

ps- I dont want to get into a relationship any time soon, hence my worrying.xxxx

Edited February 10, 2008 by ninjaturtles

[directx]

I actually have lost all feelings for a RL EA recently. I can honestly say I have.

And I am talking about an EA that went on for over 18 months.

I'm trying to figure out how it actually happened, and I have a good idea how, but I don't think I am going to post why.

 

However, an EX is much more involved and that may be tougher.

 

Just know that one person, myself, has totally gotten over someone I never thought I would have. So I think it is possible.

 

Good luck.

[stayc208]

i was wondering the same thing.

 

I have accepted that it is over and don't want to try to fix things, I just need to focus on myself. But is it possible to get over someone you fully loved without someone else to fill the void?

[ninjaturtles]

I actually have lost all feelings for a RL EA recently. I can honestly say I have.

And I am talking about an EA that went on for over 18 months.

I'm trying to figure out how it actually happened, and I have a good idea how, but I don't think I am going to post why.

 

However, an EX is much more involved and that may be tougher.

 

Just know that one person, myself, has totally gotten over someone I never thought I would have. So I think it is possible.

 

Good luck.

 

 

Thanks for your reply....It really encouraged me. I am not so sure what you mean by RL EA though. (I know EA means emotional affiar). I am guessing there was no physical contact etc?

 

Thanks for the insight..I hope I get over the ex soon enough.

[ninjaturtles]

i was wondering the same thing.

 

I have accepted that it is over and don't want to try to fix things, I just need to focus on myself. But is it possible to get over someone you fully loved without someone else to fill the void?

 

 

Sam here. I have accepted it is over , although he crosses my mind everyday.When I wake up and before I go sleep etc.

 

I truly wonder if it is possible. Anyone out there any suggestions???

[oppath]

Yes, I think it is possible to get over someone without getting under another.

 

However, if a breakup left you feeling unlovable and inadequate in some way, to really disprove those feelings I do think at some point you need to feel loved and supported. I don't believe it's possible to fully quench those feelings alone. The most difficult breakups are the ones that usually leave you questioning yourself in some way, not just the loss of the person. Those breakups require getting under another eventually, once you've worked on yourself a lot.

[cant let go]

i think there are some people that always have someone on their mind that they long for...whether it be a crush or someone they loved from a previous relationship. even when you have accepted that it is over, you may still associate all longing feelings of love with that person. we are the type of people that want to give love. and we are still giving that love to the last person that we felt was worthy of it... even if they are no more.

 

i do believe that it isn't until we realize that we can have these feelings for another that we finally "move on" completely. but this isn't me saying that one should seek someone out in order to speed up the process and i realize that is not what you are suggesting either. so i would definitely say that in my experience... i have always kinda hung on to that last one until someone new that i could crush on came about.

 

in cases however where you are the one that ended the relationship, this may not apply.

[CalamitousJane]

It's very weird to be saying this, but I think I might be almost over my ex, and I haven't been under anyone at all this time.

 

The first time we broke up, when he moved out of my house and back to his home country, I was under someone else within a month, and it didn't do a thing for me except make me queasy.

 

This time I'm getting over him by imagining a real partner, and to notice all the ways my ex never really fit that picture.

 

I actually had a dream a couple nights ago. It was very bizarre and complicated (being chased on bicycles at night inside an abandoned building...) but the important part was that there was a guy in the dream who was really my partner. I couldn't see his face because it was dark, but I could feel him checking in with me, touching base with me. I knew he had my back, and I had his. I've never had that feeling with a real person before, utter trust and connection, but the dream made me believe that I can have that.

 

I was very close to my ex, but it was always on his terms. He never checked in with me, unless he wanted something. He was attached in some kind of parasitic way, but never really tuned in.

 

Imagining someone who is really together with me, tuned in and responsive, helps me realize how far from that my ex was.

 

I don't need to get under someone else to not want to be under him anymore.

 

It feels crazy to be writing this. A couple months ago I was still so obsessed I couldn't imagine wanting to touch anyone else. Now I can't imagine wanting to touch the ex.

Edited February 11, 2008 by CalamitousJane