beerstud2 Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 So my girlfriend of 6 years moved out a week ago, after we had been living together for over 2 years. We had been fighting a little bit recently, something which I acknowledge wasn't very fun. But I never thought that we would break up, because I thought we were very much in love and could work through anything. She said that she needed time to sort herself out, find her own identity and find herself. Said that she hadn't been happy recently and needed to do something about it. Needed to be single for a while. Said that she didn't know if she loved me anymore. Said she felt terrible but it was the right thing to do. For most of the last week I have been talking to her about coming back, saying we could work things through but she says her mind is made up. I have minimized contact at this point, but there is still the task of clearing out all her stuff which needs organizing and doing. She was suppose to come with her parents today but messaged me and said she couldn't get back in time from somewhere that I thought wasn't essential to be at (if thats where in fact she was). This annoyed me because we had already talked about how difficult it would be to face each others parents and now she was leaving me alone with hers to clear out her stuff. I got angry and thoughts of her being with someone else crept into my mind and drove me crazy. I feel she has been very vague about her reasoning behind it all, and have a slight feeling that there may be more to the story then she is telling me. I really feel like I need solid answers to what is happening and why it has happened. I asked her straight out if she just wanted to see other people and she said she isn't even thinking about that at this stage. I ask her does she see us being able to work it out at any point and she said "Not in the next year or two" (WTF?). When I talk to her it seems like she is coping fine, and her only problem with all of this is feeling horrible from hurting me. I desperately want to be with her but I just can't see it happening at this point in time. But I definitely need answers to why and I'm just not getting them. I don't really know what I'm asking from you guys but any responses would be appreciated.
barbarella Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 (edited) Hi beerstud - I'm not sure if I can help much, but here's my take on it... The below is based on not knowing your age, or whether you are in a "near marriage" relationship or just coasting... When you say you were fighting, was it a sudden increase in fighting? Were you fighting about the same things over and over again, and not really solving anything? If it was the first thing, is it at all possible that she could have been picking fights in order to have a reason to break it off with you? If it was the second one, maybe she felt that she couldn't make herself heard, and eventually felt that she needs to "re-boot"? If you and her parents had to pack up her stuff without her, I wonder if that wasn't a bit of a cop out for her. Sending in her parents would have been easier for her, and not having to be in close proximity while unravelling a relationship that was that long may have been a relief. It seems like you feel that it was selfish for her to do that, and that you feel that she's no longer considering your feelings...that may be a sign that she's "checked out" emotionally from this already. I don't know if any of this helps, but from the sounds of things you may not get the closure you want. If she's not really telling you what's going on, if she's not willing to help you get closure (by not being there to help separate your lives), then you may have to find a way to get closure for yourself. Do what you need to do - write the letter that you keep and never send, start listening to break up music (my favourite is "I wanna be around" by Tony Bennet - it's an oldie, but a goodie), play "first person shooter" video games - what ever you need. Edited February 10, 2008 by barbarella
Sadcakesleo Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 My situatuion is similar to yours. Ive been with my gf for almost 4 years and lived together 2 years. We have been fighting lately and she said she needed her space. she hasn't moved out or indicated she is but I keep bugging her looking for answers. everyday. I'm realizing now that the only way the situatin is going to get better is to stop being needy. It's diffcult I just figured it out yesterday but I know that the path of was going was only leading my to get hurt. I know its hard. I'm hurting really really bad but its out of your hand and my hands.Like me, you have to pretend to be strong because shes dealing with her own issues and she doesn't want to hear about yours. Let her be, the one good thing is that u can go nc. I can't because shes still here and trust me it makes it that much harder. Your going to have all kinds of negative thoughts and you have to teach yourself to let it go, you will think negative then all the sudeen you may want to contact her to get reassured. Let me tell you, that doesn't work. Just be strong man and if you need to talk post on here, it helps to hear from people who are going through the same things.Remember when your looking for answers, she already gave it to you when she said she wanted to move out.
vivrantflo Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 She said that she needed time to sort herself out, find her own identity and find herself. Said that she hadn't been happy recently and needed to do something about it. Needed to be single for a while. Any time a woman says this to a man.. it's over.. and usually for good. I ask her does she see us being able to work it out at any point and she said "Not in the next year or two" (WTF? That's funny.. I actually got that line as well.. except she said a few months... oh.. and in a few WEEKS she was banging someone else... lol next year or two... That's such an insult. More than likely.. there's another guy in the picture.. if she "doesn't know" if she loves you anymore.. she doesnt.. I know it hurts, but you have to go NC... she's over you..clearly.. and you have to do the same. Ignore ALL of her attempts at contact.. all of them... pleasue trust us on this one.. she's not changing her mind.. and if she does.. it wont be for a looooong time. So ignore her, make her decision final.. and work on healing yourself.. good luck
Peter_pan Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 i know its hard but to be honest it sounds as though she has met someone else. it recently happened to me. i was living with my first love for 2 years and it ended because of arguments and then she changed and didnt have the same feelings for me, then i find out by writing her a very long email and asking her to be open and honest because it would truly hurt to find out later or by someone else.
ANGUISHEDandBROKEN Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 I feel for u bro... Mine was 9 years.....yep.....it sucks She wont be back... Mine said the same about not even thinking about anyone else right now... That could be true, but it wont be long until shes with someone else in the sack..... It would be great if women broke it off, but then would be able to have us as good fwb. I think its just a matter of getting the conversation straight.... "hey, lets not confuse anything.... lets both move on, but have eachother for hot sex once in a while...." That would be great....I think i could live with that......
Peter_pan Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 haha yeah man that would be good! perfect world lol... im soo glad mine wasnt 9 years!!! a mate of mine his brother was married for 10years and moved away from all his family to live and start a life with her in america... well that ended and he said he can only describe the feeling as though someone had pressed erase on the past 10 years of his life!! at least i am only 20 !!! soo many more girls out there
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