KimHeiley Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 (edited) I lost my girlfriend almost 2 weeks ago. The reason was that I didn't take care of myself enough ( job, studying, my body, etc ). She wanted me to change this in a positive way and I promised her I would, but I only ended up breaking that promise after a few days or a week. I know she did this to make me a better person cause my life was in a slump. I barely had friends and she was my best friend and almost the only one I hung out with. I didn't have a job, only a place to live and barely any money. I had been together with her 3 years and 1 week after our anniversary she told me she would never want to be together ( relationship wize ) with me again. On our anniversary she had drawn pictures and told me she would never leave me, etc. I know she's honest, that's why I stayed with her. The first week I was basically crying, begging and trying to convince her to take me back, but she said she wouldn't cause she doesn't trust I can change. This break up was like a shock to me so in the meanwhile I got a job, have a new ( better ) place to live and am taking care of myself.. but the pain is still there. She wants us to be friends cause it's way too important to her to lose me. I tried this but only ended up hurting myself so I have considered NC. There is also a problem and that is that she's falling for another guy. A nice guy ( I know him ) and he is falling for her. She say she won't do anything explict with him for now cause she just broke out from a 3 years relationship.. but she's always so happy. I've also chatted with her sometimes due to frustration and ended up yelling at her and saying stuff I shouldn't have said. I am unsure of what to do.. I really want her back and I think I can prove to her how much I've changed.. in time.. but I don't wanna force her to love me. I dream sometimes of her taking me back but only wake up with a depressive feeling. I also cry almost once a day. And this change IS good for me by the way, but she's frustrated that I can change NOW and I couldn't before, when I had promised her so many times that I would. Edited February 9, 2008 by KimHeiley
basicinstinct Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 "She say she won't do anything explict with him for now " Why's she talking to you about what she will or won't do sexually with some other guy?
Author KimHeiley Posted February 9, 2008 Author Posted February 9, 2008 (edited) "She say she won't do anything explict with him for now " Why's she talking to you about what she will or won't do sexually with some other guy? Cause sadly I asked her about it... sort of . I know I shouldn't have but I tried to act normal on the phone, snickering a bit as I asked "So, kissed him yet?". That's when she told me. I suppose my jealousy kicked in. We're very open to eachother as well.. but I bet it was mostly the jealousy part. She've also said that if I were to be together with some girl she would be jealous too. Is this a sign that she still loves me a bit? She was, and still is.. my first love.. but I'm trying to forget about her and go NC on her.. but it's so hard. Edited February 9, 2008 by KimHeiley
basicinstinct Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 OK. Well I think everyone's sad after they break up with somebody. And you were with her for 3 years. So of course you are going to grieve for a while. Are you managing to do other activities that do not involve thinking about her? What's your new job? Do you like it? What about your new apartment? What's that like?
Author KimHeiley Posted February 9, 2008 Author Posted February 9, 2008 Sort of. The job is nice, lots of friendly people around there and it's a quite time consuming job so I always have something on my mind to think about. The new apartment.. or should I say house.. has 3 other people in it. It's a big house and they are also "ok" people, but none I would express my feelings to atm since I've just met them. Even when I am doing something I can still get the thoughts in my head about her. Worst is at night.. when I'm trying to sleep. And the dreams are getting stronger and stronger. I find myself being awake maybe 1 hour before I can actually get some sleep. Some days ago I woke up every hour, and it was driving me nuts . Problem is.. I do definitely NOT wanna lose her as a friend, and she doesn't wanna lose me either.. but I don't feel like contacting her cause I am so angry about all this.. urgh.
basicinstinct Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 Kim, how is it that you have no friends aside from your ex?
Author KimHeiley Posted February 9, 2008 Author Posted February 9, 2008 I do have friends, but not really "friends" friends cause I don't hang out with them that much. I didn't used to be the social type, but that's changing now. I'm not a loner or anything so it's not really troubling me. My ex didn't have that many friends either but that's cause she chose to have it like that, plus her mom had been sick for a long period ( cancer )... Might help to mention that her mom died last November. I tried my best to cheer my ex up as I possibly could and she was grateful for it, but due to the previous past with me not being able to keep my promises with improving my life.. she only felt that I was more of a friend to her. To most people this sounds like she didn't accept who I was.. well.. neither did I but I was too stubborn and depressed to do anything about it. I do understand why my ex left me cause she can't trust me.. and she wasn't truly happy with me or her life... but I want it all to change for the better. She says that since she left me she had a kind of "relief" feeling.. which was hurtful to hear. When I tried to convince her that I really had change.. she said it was frustrating that it happened now and never when she tried to help me change.
realgone Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 you're going through a hard time, and now, when you need strength the most it feels like you don't have any. but for real: if you know you've got to change, then change. do it for yourself, for your self-esteem, your confidence, your own happiness. your girl's gone for now and you've got to live in that reality, but it'll free up your time and energy to make the changes and improvements that are necessary. losing her is the one thing that kicked you into gear, so it is what it is. stay on that path of self-improvement with or without her. if she really wants to be with the improved you, it'll happen. if not, you'll bump yourself up a weight class and you'll be able to attract somebody better. i know it doesn't feel possible now, but there are plenty of girls out there who'll be happy to be with you when you're happy with yourself. it'd probably do you well to do NC, at least for a while as you continue to figure all this out. stay strong.
Author KimHeiley Posted February 9, 2008 Author Posted February 9, 2008 Thanks realgone.. I am trying my best to achieve this but it's hard. I suppose I will let the future tell me if I can have her again or not. Seeing as she's interested in another guy at the moment.. and the chances are big that she'll get together with him.. leaves a small scar in my heart. But IF the time ever comes, I'll be there. I just hope that I will heal quick enough to still have her friendship.
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