TotalChaos Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 Hello. My best girl friend and I were talking earlier today about men and she brought this question up to me. I have a couple of opinions on this, but would like to know what others think. She has a male friend that she hangs out with on the regular. They are not sleeping together, but I kind of think it's something they both wouldn't mind doing. Some days she feels as though he may like her as a little more than a friend and other days she just "doesn't get him". For example: He encourages her to go out and "get laid", but when she talks about it seriously he acts somewhat uncomfortable she says. He says that she should go out and meet a stranger, get to know them a little and then sleep with him. My girl friend is not the type to do this sort of thing at all and I'm sure he knows this. Recently she found out that an ex was back in the area and would like to use him as a FWB. She told this guy about that and he did not like the idea at all. As soon as she mention him being back in the area he asked her if she was going to sleep with him. When she asked him why he would say that, he replied "I don't know, but are you going to sleep with him?" My girl friend is confused and I can see why. My theory on this is that her friend likes her a little more than friends, but doesn't want to admit it to her. I almost feel as if he's testing her in a way. Her ex boyfriend is someone that she shared a passionate history with. If she began to use him as a FWB then something might rekindle. If she was to sleep with a near stranger then they could sleep together and go their separate ways, no strings attached. She did tell me that he slipped up one time and told her that he didn't want her to sleep with anyone, but the subject go changed quickly and was never brought up again. I think he's crazy about my girl friend! What does everyone else think on this?
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 It sounds like he likes her, but is trying to decide if he wants to make a relationship out of it. Maybe all this talk about "you should go out and get laid" is some sort of thing he is doing because he doesn't want to appear to be more into her than he actually is. I'm sure the idea of her actually getting laid is not something he likes to think about though. So what is keeping your friend from breaking the ice with him instead of waiting for him to do it?
Curmudgeon Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 I think he's crazy about my girl friend! What does everyone else think on this? He's testing her. He's hoping against hope that she says "No!" to the suggestion of getting laid by someone else. He wants her to tell him she only wants to be in his bed because that's what he wants but he doesn't have the confidence to tell her that directly. She figures he might actually be serious in his suggestions and is trying to "please" him. He's setting himself up, and her, for a fall and both of them lack the experience, wisdom and maturity to stop playing childish games and declare themselves to one another.
saviourself Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 honestly... i believe there's two scenarios that could equal why this man is placing himself in and your girl in this predicament. the first being more likely. one being he likes her and has strong feelings for her and is trying to hide it. he tells her to do certain things and then gets upset and uncomfortable when it happens probably because his emotions are stronger than his mind and can't as easily be controlled. it seems he may be trying relentlessly to deny his feelings for her to himself and that is why he makes the suggestions. however its a failed attempt. your girl needs to sit down with him one day and be very very stern. and come at him as blatant and simple as possible. like "look, we've been friends for a while, you make odd suggestions to me and then condemn me when they happen. to me it seems you either have feelings for me and youre making a failed attempt at denying them... OR... there's something wrong." she's gotta back him into a corner and make him come clean. now the other of the two scenarios (odd as this may sound, i've seen it happen first hand) maybe he feels like a big brother figure. he makes the suggestions in order to again, deny himself what he feels and gets mad when it happens because he thinks of her as a little sister. its kind of like a control issue. in either case... the former probably being correct, he's being childish and needs to come clean. and it seems that your girl is gonna have to force him into it... or things could continue to just become more uncomfortable.
Letranger Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 I think you nailed it. Have your GF come back to him and say 'Yeah, I screwed a stranger like you suggested! It was awesome! Thanks!' I think he is just a coward about his feelings and immature.
Author TotalChaos Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 Thank you everyone for your responses. Sorry it has taken me so long to get back on here, but work has kept me really busy. I had my gf come over and read everyone's advice. She is becoming more frustrated with the situation. I feel bad for her, but I believe that one of them needs to come clean. She now believes that he for sure has really strong feelings for her, but believes he's scared. She claims she is terrified to tell him how she feels. She told me that she has thought many times about being with someone else sexually and letting him know about or just telling him that she had. I suggested that she not lie about it, but if she feels the need to do so then she should do it. She then stated that she doesn't want to do anything to hurt him, because he's been hurt alot in the past and that is "why he's the way he is." He's told her on several occasions that he has something to show her but it's not the right time yet. My gf believes that this has something to do with his feelings, because he use to say that he had something to tell her. Well, her motto in life is "actions speak louder than words". After hearing her say this alot, he started saying that he has something to show her. I do agree that they are both a bit guilty of acting childish. She wants to talk to him about it, but she's scared. He's had alot of life experience and I think this intimidates her. Not to mention that he has a huge brick wall around his heart. He recently told her that he doesn't believe in real love. Any more advise on how to handle this situation? I'm going to keep pushing her to tell him, but I know first hand that stuff like this is hard. Thank you.
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