annie77 Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 There's a guy I've known for about 5 months through mutual friends at the gym. I've always been attracted to him but noticed he had a wedding ring. Well in the past couple months I had noticed he no longer had the ring on and last week he was more chatty than usual. He mentioned he had gotten divorced, and has 50% custody of his son. I invited him to a party I was having last weekend. He accepted, brought a few friends and we all had a great time. Ended up going out to a late dinner then hooked up. Next day, he came over again. Well that was the last time we hung out. I saw him at the gym a couple times during the week and he still seemed interested. But I didn't receive any phone calls. A couple of days ago, he told me he wasn't feeling well but told me to give him a call and maybe we can hang out. I did just that, only to have him change his mind, telling me he was not feeling well. That happened Wednesday... Last time we actually hung out was Sunday. No phone call, no plans for the weekend. Is it safe for me to assume that he's lost interest (if he even was interested in the first place)? Or is this just how some men act, and I should just give it time and not jump to conclusions so quickly?
bozwa Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 He may like you, but my gut is telling me that he just got a divorce, he probably needs to work through whatever feelings he has with regard to that and is probably just playing the field now that he is "free". I wouldn't be surprised if he has others like you. Honestly I wouldn't put too much stock into him.
Jilly Bean Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 (edited) I don't know if you can say he's not interested, Annie. But for sure he's recently divorced, and I don't think anyone is in a mindset for real dating or a relationship until a year or so of personal healing. I think a lot of the way he is behaving is just a result of him being recently divorced. No reflection on you, mind you, I just think recently divorced people are not the best candidates for a stable relationship. Edited February 9, 2008 by Jilly Bean
Author annie77 Posted February 9, 2008 Author Posted February 9, 2008 Well I thought the same thing, that maybe it's just because he really doesn't know how to act or he's just being very cautious. But regardless, if he was interested at all, wouldn't he at least call and set up another date? It's not like I want anything serious with him. And I know I haven't done anything to scare him off because the first time we hung out with friends. Second time he just came over. We still haven't been on a "date" so I don't know why he would have his guard up around me. I'm sorry, I just never dated anyone who just got out of a divorce.
norajane Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 We still haven't been on a "date" so I don't know why he would have his guard up around me. Yeah, but: Ended up going out to a late dinner then hooked up. Some newly divorced guys like to hook up - it's a cornucopia of potential hook ups out there for them now! They don't necessarily call again afterwards...
Sand&Water Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 RE: This is not a race to the finish line, Annie77. Are you trying to fall in love and get married before the end of the year? Your behavior, and state of mind is doing just that, right now. Desperate, I can see it, and I bet he can too. Calm down. This man has just begun cleansing, and refurnishing his life together, after his divorce. If you don't know how this process works, I suggest you try to understand that it is an on-going daily battle with his feelings, ex-wife, and personal goals. I think you are more worried about your future and "Happy Time" than to respect his circumstances and at the same time provide him with some space. It is best, in my opinion, you continue to befriend him until he is ready to take it to the next level. If, however, he makes little effort to establish some sort of friendship or connection with you, then it's automatic to think he's not ready to jump into dating, casual relationship, or otherwise. Be patient. In the meantime, go out with other men and have fun. Sand&Water
renee_1977 Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 I was divorced less than a year ago and certainly there is a lot of emotional stuff to deal with that I am not sure I fully have in that commitment now scares me. Like many divorcees, I am just going to enjoy being single, get used to it, and shy away from any potential commitment until I really feel ready. I do still talk to my ex out of necessity from time to time and he shared with me how shocked he was with how many girls were willing to "put out" on the first date. Yes, I know, he is a pig; hence the divorce. But what he said was he didn't respect them when he didn't have to "work for it" and rarely called and certainly wouldn't think about getting serious with them. It seems counterintuitive but it is sometimes the way of the world. I also know couples who had sex right away that evolved into a wonderful happy relationship. I guess it just depends. I would pursue others and if he calls, great, but don't be overly eager. If not, there are plenty of other fish in the sea!
basicinstinct Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 when you say you hooked up that one time, do you mean you had sex?
Author annie77 Posted February 9, 2008 Author Posted February 9, 2008 No, it's not that I am desperate and trying to rush things at all. I've just been burned as well and I don't want to waste time in someone who's not interested that's all. I guess I just don't know what he's going through. I just got out of a 7 year relationship, definitely not as bad as his situation but I can relate. I don't even call him because I don't want to scare him off, but on the other hand, I don't want to come off as not interested. And as for hooking up, yes unfortunately I did make that mistake of having sex with him. We have known each other for months but no, I guess it's no excuse to still sleep with him the first time we hung out. That was a mistake on my part.
EYECANDY000 Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 I would give it a about a week or so. Seems like hes not his perky self because hes ill. Im sure when hes feeling better he will give you a call or make plans with you. Also, I wouldnt expect to much out of this relationship considering the fact that he has jump gotten divoeced. I doubt he is looking to be back into a committed relationship. Know what you are getting yourself into first before you get hurt in the long run
Author annie77 Posted February 9, 2008 Author Posted February 9, 2008 Absolutely. Thank you so much! Yeah I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable I'm sure he's still in a very emotional state right now and is confused. I was like that for a while after my breakup with my ex of 7 years, I can only imagine what he's going through with a divorce. They were married 3 years but there's a child involved so I'm sure that's a whole different category. Appreciate all the feeback and advice.
Recommended Posts