LIVEWIRE Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 If you haven't already, are you considering it? What was the determining factor in your decision? And, did reading this forum help you come to whatever decision(s) you have made? Thanks.
GreenEyedLady Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 If you haven't already, are you considering it? What was the determining factor in your decision? And, did reading this forum help you come to whatever decision(s) you have made? Thanks. I personally think you just know... I came to that conclusion when I thought that it would go on indefinitely, so I walked...And you know what, he decided that he couldn't live without me and he did what he needed to do... And now I'm not the OW anymore... But coming to this forum and meeting all the strong women here and debating with everyone helped me to draw my own conclusions and viewpoints...And I see things clearly now...And I think that people will treat you the way you let them, and that you have to make it about "you"...Not about him, but what's good for you...And if he doesn't love you enough to be a priority, then you're better off without him...
JessieT Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 There wasn't a defining moment or action, just a lot of little things until I just knew. And when you just know, it feels right and you feel strong when you do it. And then it gets a little rough and you want to say "Wait! I didn't mean it" but you did and you don't say it because it's right for you. He has said he's coming back when he's worked things out (and who knows what he means by that) but I choose not to believe him and just go on living my life.
NoIDidn't Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 I personally think you just know... I came to that conclusion when I thought that it would go on indefinitely, so I walked...And you know what, he decided that he couldn't live without me and he did what he needed to do... And now I'm not the OW anymore... GEL I have to say that the above quote is the most open I have ever seen you post. Open as in it doesn't come off like you've had your hands over your ears every time you post. Don't get me wrong, I get you. But the quote is nice and explains a lot, even though it doesn't say much, it explains a lot. I hope to see more of it. Its really very becoming (sorry if I sound Southern and condescending). Its really nice to see your defenses starting to come down, even if its just a little. [end]threadjack[/end]
LadyDi Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 I think after several things happen, you get the same reactions...things just start getting old and you think, "I can't/or don't want to go though all that drama again" There seems to always be drama. Personally, it gets real old, real fast. So you bounce. For me, when the drama starts getting more and more frequent, it's time to go.
OWoman Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 If you haven't already, are you considering it? What was the determining factor in your decision? And, did reading this forum help you come to whatever decision(s) you have made? Thanks. For me it wasn't a case of determining when "enough is enough", but more a realisation that it WASN'T enough. What I'd wanted was an A. A brief, intense, hot encounter fuelled with lust and desire and maybe some good conversation. This was what I negotiated and he agreed. But it was far better than either of us could have imagined, and over time we realised that what we wanted was more than an A. We wanted to be together. And so we took steps to make that happen. It was a joint decision taken after much discussion and soul searching. I joined the forum after the decision was already taken, but ending a long-standing M with teenage kids is not simply throwing a switch. It's a decision, but it's also a process with lots of decisions, lots of milestones and staging points and pauses for reflection and consideration. Reading here both helps and hinders - when you're in a vulnerable space, because paperwork takes so long or the BW has acted out and upset the kids and feelings are running high, then reading threads (like Stamp's) so full of hope and pain are a real downer; though the simplistic attacks on OP saying "once a cheater always a cheater" or "he's just using the OW, his heart is his W's" or whatever actually help strengthen your resolve to rise above the small-minded knee-jerk negativity and reconnect with what's valuable in your R, to appreciate the specialness of what you have and to treasure your partner.
GreenEyedLady Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 I have to say that the above quote is the most open I have ever seen you post. Open as in it doesn't come off like you've had your hands over your ears every time you post. NID, I respect you... And I don't post with my hands over my ears... However, I know what I think...And no one is going to change my mind...And if some posters want to take the gloves off, then you know I'm right there... I stay away from posting about my situation for the mere fact that this forum doesn't support OW who are staying in their situation and wait it out...It supports OW who are trying to get out and are very unhappy... And if I had posted more often about my specifics, who knows if I would be getting the ending I am getting...I'm happy about my ending, I'm happy about the way I conducted myself throughout the R... And you do sound condescending, but it doesn't matter to me...I'm just GEL, and that's who I'll always be...
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