1bee Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 it's been three months today since my ex has kicked me to the curb. i have accepted that it's definitely THE END and he has moved on because he has replaced me with another woman. I have no hope whatsoever about even being friends again since he has cut off contact with me completely. I have accepted all this. But i am still hurting really badly from it. Whenever i get out and do things with people, it feels GREAT but then when I return to the confines of solitude, it hits me again. I've stopped talking about it to people because they are clearly tired of me talking about my depression in circles. I don't know what to do. I exercise and I can concentrate on other things but then when i have some alone time the pain always returns. To feel replaced is one of the most horrible feelings in the world because no matter what, you were never good enough for that one person. It stabs at me. I don't want him back but the thing is, he found a better person..or in his eyes a better person then me. it makes me feel like a failure.
Cannondale Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 The way I see it is it's their loss. I've seen this happen to a few of my friends, and every-time the replacer always came back wanting them back. Too late for that, I've had it happen to me to, and it's a great feeling when you can tell them to go pound sand.
prisonbreak Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 How long u two were together is a contributing factor. Being replaced takes longer to get over because your dealing with alot of other issues, other than just missing them, it brings up rejection. Any time a break up is about rejection it's just harder and takes more time. Because it can stir up deeper issues within yourself or childhood pain. Rejection just plain old sucks. But know and believe, that just because he chooses to be with someone else doesn't mean your not great or that she is better than you. Nobody can ever replace you, because your unique and have something special to offer, that nobody else can give. That's what makes this world such a great place. If everybody offered the same things, life would be so boring. So, tap into your qualities and give them to someone who is worthy and appreciates them! Maybe he wasn't worthy of your qualities. And don't consider yourself a failure. Don't tie your worthiness into what someone else thinks. If Vincent van Gogh would have done that, he wouldn't have become the famous artist that he was. Your ex, well, that's just one man's opinion. Don't let him determine your self worth. I can't tell you what to believe, but I hate to think all this pain is in vein, so take what you have learned from it and press on, knowing that your life is clear for something great to enter in. As for how long, well unfortunately there isn't an answer for that. I have wondered that myself. I can tell you what I've done. I made a mark on my calander (actually 2). On Feb 15, I put "Done with him". This is the date when I'm officially giving up hope. Then on March 29, I put "slap self in face if still not done". I think giving up hope and moving forward is a choice as well as a process. Who knows if it'll work, I'll keep you posted!
dfreeman Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 but my current ex shouldn't have much trouble getting dates because she's pretty damn hot for 43! I haven't given myself dates or put any marks on the calendar because I don't want to put any pressure on myself to not feel what is going on right now. I think that I have to feel the pain and loneliness to appreciate where I am going with a new partner in the future. These days, I just can't seem to be happy with sleeping at my brother's house while she could be potentially bringing somebody new into the house that I have been fixing up for two years. I also miss her daughter very much and have a lot of guilt about how my actions during this breakup have caused her pain. The vision of her crying several times over me moving out just sits above me like a dark cloud The only thing I really have going for me is the logical resolve that she and I would have never worked out and if we had stayed at it longer, we would have hurt each other more and both would have missed that many more chances at being happy with someone else. If I could just figure out why I am sitting here thinking that all the things that drove me away from her now somehow seem kind of cute and endearing (if not completely forgiveable)? Judging by how much better I feel after one month broken up and 5 days of no contact (other than short annoying e-mails about her buyout of the house), I think I will be fully functional and ready for someone new in a couple of months.
Recommended Posts