silvergirl111 Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 I only recently broke up with my girlfriend of 2.5 years and when I think about the pain I am experiencing, it has crossed my mind, "well if this hurts so bad I can't even imagine what I would feel like if something happened to her." I dread the thought of not being in contact with her and then hearing that she died or something. One night she worked late without telling me and for a second I had a stupid insecure thought that she was with someone else but then I started panicking that she had got in a car accident. I would have rather she cheated on me than been injured or killed, that's the point. I can't imagine her presence being absent from this earth, even if it's not with me. I am given strength just by knowing that she is out there. If something happened to her I would probably lose it, even though we are not together. Just my personal thoughts.
sveltskye Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 and if you and your ex are on good terms (as i am with mine)... if you know that your ex is a good person and there is no way to put anger towards them... you know that you still love them and you feel that you are still the same person that they once loved... well... how can you really blame yourself for holding hope. sometimes i wish my ex WAS a jerk. i wish he would say mean things to me and tell me that he wants nothing to do with me. that would make it more final for me. it's funny because just yesterday i discovered something that (if true) made me think that my ex was an ass. i assumed the worst...got really annoyed with him and then i casually asked him about it. turns out it wasn't true at all and just proved my point that he really is a wonderful guy. so of course... i fall in love with him just a little more. I so understand this. In some ways it would be harder to know that they betrayed you and lied and cheated and were a total jerk... but in other ways, knowing that they loved you enough to break it off in a gentle way, and always treated you wonderfully, with respect and kindness, but still chose to leave you... its torturous.
Belkin Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Hum... Want to change places sveltskye? I don't know about respectful and kind breakups, but I can assure you that betrayal, lies, and getting replaced/cheated on the next day causes quite a lot of pain. Even though your mind tells you she's a jerk, your heart says otherwise, and this battle between the two is truely exhausting...
cant let go Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 i know this thread was a little controversial so sorry to bump it.. but i just came across this quote. "To die and part is a less evil; but to part and live, there, there is the torment." ~George Lansdowne
sumdude Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 (edited) I can get where bemovinon is coming from. Hard to put that feeling in words. I lost my Mom one year before my ex wife left me. Then in the following year (this last year) I lost my Aunt, two Uncles and a dear freind of the family. At the moment my Dad's health has taken a turn for the worse to where as a 40 year old single/divorced man I might need to live with him. The truth is I had no control over when or how anyone died... so my self esteem and image weren't tied to those events. However my ex wife left me suddenly, without warning. I was in a bad space still dealing with my Mom's passing and maybe not coping terribly well. Whether or not I had any control over her leaving is unanswerable, so many things I could have done differently yet in the end it could all have ended up the same way. So I was left not only grieving the loss of my wife and the relationship but also having to rebuild my self esteem and confidence from such a huge and sudden rejection. I'm still working on that today. That's where the difference is... at least for me and many who are the 'dumped'. The pain itself is impossible to compare because grief is personal. Edited February 15, 2008 by sumdude
br0ken_w0lf Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 I so understand this. In some ways it would be harder to know that they betrayed you and lied and cheated and were a total jerk... but in other ways, knowing that they loved you enough to break it off in a gentle way, and always treated you wonderfully, with respect and kindness, but still chose to leave you... its torturous. I have to throw in my thoughts here as well, this is so true. My wife left 7 months ago and, to this day, still tells me she loves/misses me, despite the fact she is currently in another relationship. How is someone supposed to make sense of this? Torturous, absolutely! And even when I feel like I've somewhat gotten it together and am making progress, I realize that I'm really not. I also see bemovinon's point as well, in a way. It *is* the lack of finality, the what-if scenarios we play in our heads, the possibility, etc. that makes it so difficult. I've often wondered about the entire "moving on" process: for those of us who haven't really done anything wrong and been left, does that hope ever really go away? Or do we just convince ourselves that we no longer feel it?
HokeyReligions Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 My hubby's health is failing. I've been trying to come to terms with his eventual death. If I could leave him and know he would be OK I would rather spend the rest of my life missing him that way and hopingnfor reconciliation than to lose hi to death. No matter how I try to psych myself up for that I don't know how I will survive it. Where there is life there is hope - that includes hope for oneself too. With death all hope is gone.
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