pandnh4 Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 not sure what i really think about this yet so i'd like some opinions... what do you think about your gf (or bf for that matter) meeting ppl online? not just finding old friends or extended acquaintances but actually random strangers? this morning i was telling my gf that she looked gorgeous after getting ready and then she's like oh yeah, somebody else on facebook told me i was gorgeous, this guy i thought knew... well it turned out she didn't actually know him, he sent her a friend request which she accepted but then she messaged him to find out how they knew each other... he just mentioned that they had some common friends on their lists and were friends on another profile of his but had never met... now i'm all for social networking but she's told me before she generally won't add ppl she doesn't know... in this situation though it was meet first then question later which seems a bit strange to me but that's not a huge issue, i don't think... what does kind of get to me is that there i am paying her a compliment and then she changes the conversation around about some random bloke who paid her the same compliment, like this person's on her mind... aside being a little careless and inconsiderate, what could possibly go through someone's head to do this? i asked her if she removed him after she found out they didn't know each other and at first she said yes but then later admitted that she lied because she thought i'd be upset... i'm starting to get a bit suspicious because she also has these other apps on her profile to meet ppl (hot or not, zoosk, etc) and had an online matchmaking profile on another site which i can't remember and don't know if it's active anymore... help me out here but please don't just tell me i'm just being a bit paranoid... thanks...
SpanksTheMonkey Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 Ok I wont just tell you I think your being a bit paranoid I will also tell you that you sound like the jealous kind and thats why she hides these things from you no other reason. Now I will also say the same thing I just did on another thread you can't control who your SOs friends are past or future its just not right sorry. When you in a R with some one they become part of your life you do not nor should you expect to become the all controlling center of theirs if that makes any sense. And finally maybe next time try breaking up your post to make it easer for people to read and offer advice on :0)
Author pandnh4 Posted February 8, 2008 Author Posted February 8, 2008 hey mate sorry if you got up on wrong foot today or something... i appreciate your willingness to post but you're quick to point the finger... not only about me but about the way i write my post? come on... i'm not typically the jealous guy at all, in fact i'm usually the one dealing with the jealous gf... i'll gladly accept my flaws but you're speculating that she consistently hides things from me... i never even implied that, how would i know... anyway, thanks for your diligent advice... anyone else?
Lyssa Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 Hey Pandnh4 - it's a bit odd that you complimented her and she went on to say about what the other guy said. Odd is not even the word! I just find that a bit alarming. I got into an argument with BF over this matter. I had a lot of guys adding me into their Myspace and Flixster - random guys - and BF was upset about it. At first, I didn't see anything wrong with that cause I didn't keep in touch with them but some did leave comments on my page which BF wasn't too happy about. I decided to close my accounts cause I didn't want 'strangers' to come in between me and BF. If she knew you well, she shouldn't have lied about a small thing like adding and deleting a 'friend'.
Winfield Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 If you feel that you can't trust her, or that she's got other guys on her mind, let her go - otherwise, it's just going to bother you more and more, and instead of concentrating on both you and her, you'll always have that niggling thought in the back of your mind... I personally hate the "social networking" thing - surely what's there in real life is a million times better (and probably more genuine) than what's visible on a computer screen?
SpanksTheMonkey Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 (edited) hey mate sorry if you got up on wrong foot today or something... i appreciate your willingness to post but you're quick to point the finger... not only about me but about the way i write my post? come on... i'm not typically the jealous guy at all, in fact i'm usually the one dealing with the jealous gf... i'll gladly accept my flaws but you're speculating that she consistently hides things from me... i never even implied that, how would i know... anyway, thanks for your diligent advice... anyone else? I love it when people ask for advice and then get snappy when people take time out to give them it. I didn't get off to the wrong foot and I didn't point the finger you need to stop being so defensive. I said how I felt based on what I saw in your post if you don't want advice from all different points of view then why ask in a public forum? Ask your mom after all shes usually the one person in this world who will always be 100% on your side no matter what! lol And I wasn't picking on you about how you write but if you want more responses then it helps if you break the writing up for others to easily read thats all I'm sure others here can agree with me on that. Edited February 8, 2008 by SpanksTheMonkey
4givrnt4gtr Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 hmmm i think ur more than a bit paranoid. And to be honest i think her comment was in part to make u jealous...or more like a "thats right, you better recognize im gorgeous cuz i will let you know that other people do too" thing. Sounds like both of you are a bit insecured in your relationship. Maybe itll be good for you two to talk about what you feel for each other, straight out. (I know i know look who's talking) Anyhow, in case u dont have facebook, its easy to get applications added. Specially with the whole matchmaker thing. It will send you an email telling you a friend has a crush on you. Curiosity will always win and u click but in order to find out who has a crush on u, u have to add the application. I think the only thing she may be guilty of, is curiosity. And yes, that includes adding a guy she thought she might have met in the past. Relax, and trust her, unless she's giving you hard cold reasons not to.
EYECANDY000 Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 I agree with you, and im all for social networking as well. But there should be a boundary as well. You two needs to discuss this situation and let each other know what subjects just dont rub you the right way and make you extremly uncomfortable. Is she meeting random guys on the internet or just chatting?
blackbird Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 I 'meet' people online now and again, strangers that find my myspace/livejournal/whatever through friends or randomly or whatnot, and I don't think that's a big deal. I don't seek it out, but sometimes it happens. BUT, I don't think it's respectful for guys to be hitting on girls online if her profile says she's in a relationship. A guy telling a girl she's gorgeous is hitting on her. If your girlfriend not only lets that slide, but flaunts it to you after you give her a compliment, I don't think that's respectful to you and your relationship either, at least if it's a serious relationship and not just a casual dating/for-right-now sort of deal. I would have removed the guy immediately at that point because it's clear what his agenda is, and I wouldn't want any part of it. I don't think it's respectful of her to be using matchmaking apps either. I don't think you're being paranoid. On the other hand, I recognize that in previous relationships, while I might not have gone as far as to use matchmaking apps and whatnot, I probably encouraged guys who were flirting with me online -- if not actively, at least passively. Because I liked the attention and was young enough to be in denial about how harmful it was. If your girlfriend is anything like I was in those days, I don't know how easy it will be to talk about this with her, as denial = defensiveness. But I'd encourage giving it a shot, anyway. Just let her know how it makes you feel, and that it's because you care about her.
Recommended Posts