ihaveabu Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 Been w/ this girl for over a year now. We hit it off and immediately everything clicked. Unfortunately, it had to be long distance, cuz I go to school in Buffalo, but I'm from Chicago. I met her there through my best friend. We stayed together, and we fell in love with each other. She’s amazing in every way. She’s one of the kindest people you’ll ever meet. Nothing seemed wrong. Last Sunday, she calls me, and I could tell something was wrong. We talked, and she felt upset that we didn’t have that much in common. We didn’t have as many similar interests. I thought we had plenty: we both love Smallville, we both play guitar, we both like sushi, and a bunch of other stuff. There was no way we didn’t have that much in common. That night, I asked her why she wanted to talk about it, and she said she just wanted to find out more about what I’m interested in. It didn’t seem like anything was wrong. The next day, she calls me after work, on her way home. She’s crying. After hesitating, she finally told me she realized she had feelings for someone else, and she wants to break up. This someone is her best friend, whom I met. He’s very moral, righteous (in a good way), and seemed like a cool guy. I don’t think he was actually involved in this decision, but I may be wrong. He told her over a year ago that he has no romantic interest in her. She told me this a few weeks ago. She said she realized this a week before all this, just talking about him and me and whatnot with her friends. I wasn’t too surprised. He’s her best friend; it’s not hard to kind of confuse caring for a friend w/ “feelings”. I didn’t say that. I basically told her I’m hurt, but if she wants to, we can still work this out. She’s completely taken back by all this. She thought I’d get pissed. So, we talked, and like 2 hours later, she was split between staying together or breaking up, whereas before she wanted to break up. So she said she had to take a shower, and she’d call me back. She did, and when she called me back, she brings up another issue (never said anything bout it before the shower...). She feels like we don’t communicate enough. We don’t talk about random things enough. Things like news, interesting things, anything I guess. I was trying to figure out how this a problem? She says sometimes we have just silences in our conversations, where we just not say anything or do something (taking a walk, driving, phone, etc). I told her now that I know it’s something she’s not happy about, I’d be glad to work it out w/ her. That night, she was split on: 1. She loved me. 2. She felt we don’t communicate enough. 3. She had feelings for this other guy The next day, she calls me, and basically she’s like “this just isn’t working” and “we got into this too fast” and “we just don’t match”. I told her I had no clue anything was wrong until last night… So she says “the communication thing isn’t something we can fix cuz it should’ve already happened naturally”. So in her POV, if it didn’t happen exactly to what she wanted it to be, our relationship wasn’t working out. Isn’t every relationship supposed to be unique? Love isn’t 1 clear definition; it’s what we make it to be. She eventually just started repeating “this isn’t going to work” and “it’s over”. Then she said good bye, and basically hung up. What is really weird about all this is literally 2 days before this phone call, everything seemed fine. We loved each other, a lot. She transferred to my school! She’s coming here in the fall. And she didn’t apply anywhere else either. We got each other really nice stuff for our 1year anniversary (I got her an engraved Sony digital camera and some jewelry, and she got me a really nice $500 guitar) I don’t think she’s telling her friends and family about the feelings for this other guy. It makes sense, but her friends and family all like me, and now they think I’m some jerk that can’t communicate. They probably don’t know the whole story. I’m thinking about going back to Chicago this weekend, and talking to her one last time, and set some things right. It’s $180 to drive, $160ish by train, and $275 by plane. It’s expensive, but if it’ll help me work this out, it might be worth it. I also need to know how to get over her. Never really been dumped before like this. I loved her, and trusted her. She’s still coming to my school, so I’m not sure how that’ll work out. Help? I’m a train wreck right now. I don’t think it’s safe for me to drive right now. I didn't eat for 2 days after this. I still care about her, even after all this. We’ve been through so much, and she said a part of her still loves me, and she knows I still care about her. But for w/e reason, she’s dumping me. I talked to my friends, and it helped, but it still hurts. I’ve been getting sick from all this too. I haven't been sick in over a year. btw, the entire timeline: Jan. 26: She sends me this message: You are the light To my soul You are my purpose My everything... (Lyrics in Everything by Lifehouse) You are. I love you so much, sooooooooooooooo much. I know we say that often, but it can't ever be said with enough intensity to truly let you know how much I love you. The same kinda goes for how much I miss you. I think every day about how I just cannot wait to be with you, about how, when I come up there, we'll get tp see each other every day. We'll get to go so many places together, even if it's just walking to class-it'll be wonderful. There is nothing I want more than to be with you every day. To see your wonderful smile light up a room every day. To kiss you every day. Just.... YOU =D EVERYDAY =D It's such a wonderful thought. I am so so sorry that everything piled up like this. I know it's not my fault, but I am sorry for how it makes you feel. I love you soooooooo much. You are, you truly are, my everything. I would never do anything to hurt you. You mean so much to me. I love you so much. So much. Love, Your ******This is regarding this one dispute we had bout 1 on 1 time with other guys (other girls for me). It got solved... Feb. 2: She sends me an email telling me how much she loves me. Nothing out of the ordinary. Feb. 3: She brings up the nothing in common Feb. 4: She calls to tell me bout feelings for other guy, and wants to break up Feb. 5: We talk one last time, and she's set on breaking up. how did all this happen so fast?
sedgwick Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 My guess is that she had feelings for the other guy all along. And she could have sincerely felt that after being with you for several months, you *didn't* have that much in common. I mean, liking the same TV show and food -- I daresay there are quite a few people who like sushi. That's not the same as having deep emotional compatiblity.
Author ihaveabu Posted February 8, 2008 Author Posted February 8, 2008 over the last few days i kinda realized that a bit too. she might've had a point. we did get into everything pretty fast. i'm not really sure what to do right now. i need some kind of closure. my friend wants me to call her. i want to, but i dont know what to say. she made it seem like she didn't want to talk to me anymore
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