LoveLace Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 Dan gave me the password to his email once, a many moons ago. Said he didn't care if I knew it. Easy-to-remember-password at that. And he never changed it after telling it to me. I admit to going in there a few times since I've known him (2 yrs.). Never really found anything of interest. He gets a lot of junk mail. The other day I sent him an email because he's without a cell phone and hard to reach. I checked his email to see if he read it...and he did. Out of hundred's of new messages, mine was the only he read (it was a nice message). At the same time, I notice a message from a couple days ago (that he apparently hasn't read yet...it appears he hasn't checked it since getting my message). It's from Victoria's Secret, and the subject line says "Your Victoria's Secret card has arrived...please confirm your shipment". This is after a friend tells me there's a chance he's trying to decide between me and another chick (I have no solid indications of this, just a guess on my friend's part). I didn't open the message of course, but I googled it and a page came up to fill out a form to have an e-gift card sent to someone. It also allows you to enter the date you want it sent. Why would he get this message if he didn't really request it? In other words, doesn't appear to be junk mail to me...but could it be? My message to him reminded him to join for an event this weekend, one that he's already said he wanted to attend, I just never gave him the date. He hasn't written back or called, nor has he been back to check his email. He also mentioned he'll be out of town around Valentines Day. I don't know if that's even relevant. He does know that I like sexy lingerie, cuz he's seen me wear it...in fact I wore a leopard-like pattern bra last time we got together and he thought it was funny because I wanted him to like it so much. Is it just me, or was it just junk mail? Now I'll keep checking my email to see if a gift card arrives! Ha ha...doubt it...
Lizzie60 Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 Yes.. I think he's bought a nice gift-card from VS just for you... He probably said he will not be around at Valentine's Day but he will.. he is only telling you so you won't expect anything.. SURPRISE! I get emails from VS all the time.. I order from time to time... so I get all the promotions, sales. etc.. but he probably got you a gift certificate...
Author LoveLace Posted February 8, 2008 Author Posted February 8, 2008 Yes.. I think he's bought a nice gift-card from VS just for you... He probably said he will not be around at Valentine's Day but he will.. he is only telling you so you won't expect anything.. SURPRISE! I get emails from VS all the time.. I order from time to time... so I get all the promotions, sales. etc.. but he probably got you a gift certificate... I would die...for one thing, he got laid off XMAS time and hasn't found a new job yet. So I'm not sure where he'd get the money, then again he's got a lot of friends that give him money all the time. He's taken me out and spent a lot of money on me before, but he's never bought me anything. In my email I did admit that I'm starting to feel kinda crazy about him...ugh...he also felt bad because he missed my birthday recently, but he's never really known when my b-day was to begin with, cuz our contact was pretty sporadic over the last couple years. Not sure that I've ever even told him when it is. Now you got me all excited but I'm trying to resist...apparently he hasn't even "confirmed" the order yet!
Lizzie60 Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 Or maybe you read it wrong and it's only advertizement... Something like : come and get your $1000 gift certificate... when in fact, you have no clue who's the company... something like a 'legal' scam... I don't know.. keep us informed...
Citizen Erased Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 Sorry to say, but I doubt it is for real. I always get junk like that. You open them and they're just an advertisement. I mark them as junk now. This is why it is wrong to check other people's emails. Things which are innocent are taken out of context. But I doubt anything I say on the matter will prevent you from doing it again.
bobbiestrout Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 My husband checked my emails. That is how he found out I was cheating on him with several different men. I have always met men on the internet and then flew to meet them, or they flew to meet me. I do not know why I am obsessed with doing that. My husband is not happy about it. He is probably going to divorce me.
Author LoveLace Posted February 8, 2008 Author Posted February 8, 2008 I decided to search his mail with the keywords "Victoria"...and found other very old messages very similar to the new one...when you open them up, they are just promotions trying to get you to sign up for a Victoria's Secret card and fill out surveys and junk...so apparently he signed up for something at some point, but still it's junk mail...whew I'm kinda glad. The suspense would have kept me up at night!
Author LoveLace Posted February 8, 2008 Author Posted February 8, 2008 [ This is why it is wrong to check other people's emails. Things which are innocent are taken out of context. But I doubt anything I say on the matter will prevent you from doing it again. It is wrong...however I've never gone there looking for something to catch him doing. When we used to go months without talking, I used to check it just to see if I could tell what he's been up to...and yea sometimes there would be emails to a girl here and there, but we weren't talking at the time so it didn't matter. And this time it was just to see if he bothered to read my message or delete it or what. Plus I'm not dumb enough to open messages that he hasn't read, because then it's obvious that someone else is checking! So if I get juicy info at all, it's only from the subject line! Still I know violating, but I can't say I'd care if he checked my email, then again I've nothing to hide. I might have emails I sent to girl friends about him, but I don't even think I'd care about that. He still wouldn't learn any secrets.
SeraBella Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 I hope no man of mine ever gives me his password. I don't want to feel like I need to check it, or use it as a tool to see what he's been up to. I'd prefer to actually ask him what he's been up to. And if he's checking email, you can obviously get a response via email. And I also don't want the whole temptation. A roommate of mine in college would check her boyfriend's email and get soooo mad about pictures he would get from friends. They were just pictures of people playing beer pong and drinking at college parties. Some had girls in them, but they weren't sexual, or anything. Just peeps drinking. It drove her crazy, and into insecure rages. She couldn't tell him she was doing it because he'd get pissed at her for snooping, so he just thought she was mad at him for no reason whatsoever. It seemed so miserable. They, obviously, are not still together. It definitely seems like junkmail, but it sounds like you had already confirmed it.
Author LoveLace Posted February 8, 2008 Author Posted February 8, 2008 I hope no man of mine ever gives me his password. I don't want to feel like I need to check it, or use it as a tool to see what he's been up to. I'd prefer to actually ask him what he's been up to. And if he's checking email, you can obviously get a response via email. And I also don't want the whole temptation. A roommate of mine in college would check her boyfriend's email and get soooo mad about pictures he would get from friends. They were just pictures of people playing beer pong and drinking at college parties. Some had girls in them, but they weren't sexual, or anything. Just peeps drinking. It drove her crazy, and into insecure rages. She couldn't tell him she was doing it because he'd get pissed at her for snooping, so he just thought she was mad at him for no reason whatsoever. It seemed so miserable. They, obviously, are not still together. It definitely seems like junkmail, but it sounds like you had already confirmed it. Well that's ridiculous to get mad about pictures like that. People send Dan pictures of naked chicks and I could care less. They are just pictures so it isn't like they are women he'd ever get to talk to. That's like getting mad at your boyfriend for looking at a porn magazine, also ridiculous because guys will do that no matter how much they love you. If you try to forbid it they will just do it behind your back. Yes I was happy to learn it was junk mail.
sb129 Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 I know Wonderboys email password, but I would never ever check his email without his knowledge. I would feel terrible and sneaky, and it wouldn't achieve anything. There is nothing there I would want to know about that he doesn't tell me anyway. I am 100% sure he has nothing to hide from me, hence my knowledge of his passwords (and for that matter his PIN numbers on his cash cards etc)- still doesn't give me the right to use them whenever I please for the sake of "checking up on him"
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 When we used to go months without talking, I used to check it just to see if I could tell what he's been up to... Okay, that is wrong and creepy. He didn't give you his password so you could feel free to snoop and check up on him while not talking for 2 months. THAT is a total invasion of privacy.
Author LoveLace Posted February 8, 2008 Author Posted February 8, 2008 Yea, I only checked it like twice and it was 2 years ago...until now...no sense doing it anymore though..
Ariadne Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Yea, I only checked it like twice and it was 2 years ago...until now...no sense doing it anymore though.. Hey, I don't think Dan would care less if you checked his email. He'd proabably joke about it with you. Plus he gave you his password. This thing you have, is starting to sound even better the more you write about it. Hopefully he'll decide to have a formal relationship with you soon, it made me laugh this: "I loved once and I never will again"... lol
Author LoveLace Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 Hey, I don't think Dan would care less if you checked his email. He'd proabably joke about it with you. Plus he gave you his password. This thing you have, is starting to sound even better the more you write about it. Hopefully he'll decide to have a formal relationship with you soon, it made me laugh this: "I loved once and I never will again"... lol Aw Ariadne, thanks for the optimism. Not sharing it with you at the moment. He's playing hide-and-seek again. Last night I dropped a note off at his house (I was drunk, oops) that said All or Nothing dude, make a choice! That's probably enough to make a guy choose "nothing" quick. Oh well. I decided to take a friend's advice by doing that.
Ariadne Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Aw Ariadne, thanks for the optimism. Not sharing it with you at the moment. He's playing hide-and-seek again. Last night I dropped a note off at his house (I was drunk, oops) that said All or Nothing dude, make a choice! That's probably enough to make a guy choose "nothing" quick. Oh well. I decided to take a friend's advice by doing that. Nah, Don't worry about it. This guys knows how to handle you and thinks you are cute. He's probably sleeping or some, you'll hear from him in no time. This is sounding good to me.
Author LoveLace Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 Nah, Don't worry about it. This guys knows how to handle you and thinks you are cute. He's probably sleeping or some, you'll hear from him in no time. This is sounding good to me. Wow, you pick up on that too...I've sensed before I think he has fun with making me a little mad and is flattered by my notes and such...but it's been 2 weeks now. Sometimes I wonder if he purposely keeps me in suspense because he knows I hate it and miss him. Some guys realize that this is what actually keeps a girl on your tail!! Like if they are not challenging enough for us, they know we'll bolt. He's a 38 year-old man...he's probably hip to this concept...
Ariadne Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Wow, you pick up on that too...I've sensed before I think he has fun with making me a little mad and is flattered by my notes and such...but it's been 2 weeks now. Sometimes I wonder if he purposely keeps me in suspense because he knows I hate it and miss him. Some guys realize that this is what actually keeps a girl on your tail!! Like if they are not challenging enough for us, they know we'll bolt. He's a 38 year-old man...he's probably hip to this concept... Yeah, He doesn't freak out with your notes and your getting mad with him etc, he likes it and thinks you are funny. I think he might have chickened out because this relationship is starting to have serious notes and hinting on being the real thing. Since he said he doesn't want a relationship he might be not sure what to do next. But I think he likes you enough to pull through for you. What you have going is fun and easy going, and you two get each other. It'll be ok.
Ariadne Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Plus, You can be very intense and he knows that. Go from nothing to an all consuming thing all, like with that M guy that it burnt soon enough. Maybe he is trying to pace things too.
norajane Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 Wow, you pick up on that too...I've sensed before I think he has fun with making me a little mad and is flattered by my notes and such...but it's been 2 weeks now. Sometimes I wonder if he purposely keeps me in suspense because he knows I hate it and miss him. Some guys realize that this is what actually keeps a girl on your tail!! Like if they are not challenging enough for us, they know we'll bolt. He's a 38 year-old man...he's probably hip to this concept... 1. It might be wise if you got hip to that concept, too. Like, if you are chasing him, he'll get bored or bolt or both. 2. He might not be hip on the concept at all, and may be doing it because he's 38 and doesn't want a commitment of any kind, not even to a part time gf. The concept works best when the guy actually isn't trying to keep you in suspense but truly doesn't want anything defined or committed. 3. If you have to check his email, there's something not right. Don't ignore everything you have learned about relationships in favor of hope and romantic fantasy. You will get hurt if you do that.
Author LoveLace Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 1. It might be wise if you got hip to that concept, too. Like, if you are chasing him, he'll get bored or bolt or both. We actually tend to take turns with this. He backs off, then I back off or vice-versa, and we hook back up eventually...everytime... 2. He might not be hip on the concept at all, and may be doing it because he's 38 and doesn't want a commitment of any kind, not even to a part time gf. The concept works best when the guy actually isn't trying to keep you in suspense but truly doesn't want anything defined or committed. Agreed. But I wish he didn't keep pursuing after we made it clear we wanted different things. It's only confusing me. 3. If you have to check his email, there's something not right. No, it's just me that isn't right...I could call more than I do, I just don't to avoid being too persistent. Don't ignore everything you have learned about relationships in favor of hope and romantic fantasy. You will get hurt if you do that. I know. hence, the ultimatum...all or nothing...I hope he takes that seriously
norajane Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 1. It might be wise if you got hip to that concept, too. Like, if you are chasing him, he'll get bored or bolt or both. We actually tend to take turns with this. He backs off, then I back off or vice-versa, and we hook back up eventually...everytime... So you are playing into it, too. You don't have to, you know. You have control over what you do and don't do. You don't have to keep hooking back up with him. When he backs off and you feel all anxious and upset, you don't have to keep hooking up with him when he finally comes back. You can break the cycle. 2. He might not be hip on the concept at all, and may be doing it because he's 38 and doesn't want a commitment of any kind, not even to a part time gf. The concept works best when the guy actually isn't trying to keep you in suspense but truly doesn't want anything defined or committed. Agreed. But I wish he didn't keep pursuing after we made it clear we wanted different things. It's only confusing me. Again, you are doing the exact same thing he is. You keep pursuing him even though he told you he doesn't want a girlfriend. So, he doesn't have to change anything about his behavior, and he gets exactly what he wants - a part time FWB or whatever because - despite telling him you want a bf - you keep accepting his calls and keep hooking up. You don't have to keep perpetuating the cycle, but you do, even though he told you what he wanted. So why do you expect him to do anything different when he doesn't have to? 3. If you have to check his email, there's something not right. No, it's just me that isn't right...I could call more than I do, I just don't to avoid being too persistent. Huh? You think if you called him more, you wouldn't feel the need to check his email? If he didn't answer your calls, you'd still check it because you want information he's not giving you, and that makes you anxious. Don't ignore everything you have learned about relationships in favor of hope and romantic fantasy. You will get hurt if you do that. I know. hence, the ultimatum...all or nothing...I hope he takes that seriously Are you taking the ultimatum seriously? Because if you are, then you won't hook up with again unless he agrees that he does want you as a gf. You do have control here; it's not all up to him and you don't have to wait for him to decide what he wants. If you want a bf, and he doesn't want a gf, YOU can walk away.
Author LoveLace Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 I've never been so serious about an ultimatum in my life NJ...wait a minute, I've never even given an ultimatum...I've tried to with Dan in so many words, but this time I said "All or Nothing"...much more to the point than I have been in the past. And I'm not exactly "waiting" for his decision, because there's a chance I'd be waiting for "nothing". While he's thinking, my life goes on. It isn't like I'd turn down a guy for a date tomorrow. If Dan chooses "nothing", he will probably do just that and I'll have my answer. I'm already predicting this will be the case, so in other words it sord of feels like I just ended the whole thing. If he calls I'll answer, if he tells me he chose "nothing" I'd say well okay. (I'd doubt he'd call to say that though!), if he calls and he's still not sure, it'll be a chance to talk about it more, but I have to stick to my guns that I can't stay in the place we're in now, because I really like him. But your also right NJ that I play the same games as he. Dan actually sord of pointed that out to me a few weeks ago. He said that I accuse him of "running out" on me, but then I turned around and did the same.
Curmudgeon Posted February 10, 2008 Posted February 10, 2008 My husband checked my emails. That is how he found out I was cheating on him with several different men. I have always met men on the internet and then flew to meet them, or they flew to meet me. I do not know why I am obsessed with doing that. My husband is not happy about it. He is probably going to divorce me. Is your supposed husband supposed to be happy about you supposedly cheating and supposedly putting his health at risk? Could you be just a bit less obvious please? I hate having my intelligence insulted!
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