xxkiwihoneyxx Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 I met a guy a about two months ago through some friends. There was a definite spark and attraction between us and I really enjoyed his company and I felt that he really liked me too. I got in touch by email about a week later and we chatted and organised to meet up again. We met for coffee and it was nice but not as great as the first time. As it turns out I may be offered a job at his company (but different departments) and we also chatted about splitting a referral fee the company pays employees for introducing friends. He asked me out for a drink a few days later but I have been working some crazy hours and both have pretty busy schedules so we didn't manage it. We then made some loose plans lunch on a Saturday but he cancelled on me. Since then we have swapped a few emails but it has mostly been me getting in touch. I didn't want to pursue or pressure him in case he had just lost interest but I also wanted to leave the possibility open in case he was just busy - so I sent a friendly and light email just asking if he'd like to meet up again but also making it clear that it was cool and no worries at all if not. I felt worried that he thought I was only after the job instead of liking him so I also mentioned something positive but light about that too and made a joke about it. He wrote back pretty quickly saying he had been thinking of me and did want to see me again but had just been busy. I emailed that was great and suggested we meet up....but since then I haven't heard anything at all from him. I'm finding his response really confusing!! He says he wants to meet up but then does nothing. I know actions speak louder than words and that would make it clear that he's just not that into me, but why on earth would he say that he wants to see me if he doesn't? I wonder if maybe he's not interested but just being polite in the hopes that I join and he gets a split of the referral fee? Or does he have a girlfriend maybe? Or is he genuinely just busy? I have been thinking about plucking up the courage to actually ring him because i feel that if I speak to him I might be able to gauge the situation and it might be easier to organise a proper date and I can see how things are then. Some people just don't respond well to email.....But then again I'm really not sure if that would be a good idea... I don't want to come over like some kind of stalker(!). Also I only have his work number and I don't want to interrupt him or be inappropriate etc. And I would feel embarrassed if I put him on the spot and he's just not into me and has to tell me over the phone or something painful like that. agh! Guys what do you think he really means and what should I do?
Winfield Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 It sounds (or reads) like a case of him stringing you along, keeping your hopes up of another meet "sometime" in the future, but with no definite plan... True, he might be busy - but surely he'd be able to check his schedule and see when he would be free to meet you Why feel embarrassed of putting him on the spot? After all, he has agreed to meet you again (sometime), so, only he can give you a true answer of what's going on... I don't think you should do anything - you've been the one initiating meets, etc, and now the ball's in his court, so to speak... If you do want to speak to him over a telephone conversation, why not send him your work phone number / a cellphone number via e-mail and let him do the talking? Send your number and ask him to call you when he's free and would like to meet up. After that, leave the chasing to him... Good luck!
LoveLace Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 I think the phone number idea is good. Email your digits to him and leave it at that. Something's going on, weather it's a girlfriend or a busy schedule, or maybe he just hasn't gotten that email yet. I'm not sure. But I know how you feel, I have guys say they want to do things all the time and it seems quite sincere, then it never happens. Wish I could tell you why they do that exactly, but I can't..especially when everything else indicates the guy is totally into you. However, if he's truly into you, he'll find the time and a way to call that number of yours.
Jilly Bean Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 I don't think he's interested at all, and I think he is trying to be polite and let you down gently, since you may be working soon at his company. That's got to be awkward for him and he's trying to avoid having this continue on. Men are notorious for wanting to avoid confrontation and hurting your feelings by telling you the truth. I know as women we all agree we'd rather have a guy tell us they're not interested, than send mixed signals and leave us confused. I'd stop pursuing him all together. Even you said the solo date wasn't that great, so I am sure he felt that as well, and it doesn't sound like such a big loss.
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