OpenBook Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 By the way, in this new openness I made her aware of the fact that if someone comes the pike who I can trust and I fall in love with that person I will not divorce her but I will put her second to that new person. Wouldn't it be ironic if SHE fell in love with someone else first. Wonder how you would handle that johnny??
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 My wife and I found an excellent way to handle infidelity. she has had several lovers by the time we celebrated our 10th Anniversity and each time she said she wuld change. then we got hooked up with the Swinging community. We she saw how desirable I was to to other women she treated me differently. Most importantly I learned that I did not need her to satisfy my needs. She is very happy with that. By the way, in this new openness I made her aware of the fact that if someone comes the pike who I can trust and I fall in love with that person I will not divorce her but I will put her second to that new person. Well Johnny, If your looking for love at a swingers club... your probably not going to find it. Unless you looking for someone just as messed up as your wife. Why not just divorce her... and marry someone worth your time? Wouldn't it be ironic if SHE fell in love with someone else first. Wonder how you would handle that johnny?? Sounds like he is already done with her, so... my guess is that he would keep doing what he is doing.
OWoman Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 Of course it was better. It was new and exciting. Its always going to be better than with whoever it is you are with forever and a day. What a bizarre notion! You're suggesting that sex is always good with someone new? Either your standards are very low, or you're just lucky and have never encountered a disappointing lover or bad chemistry.
Untouchable_Fire Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 What a bizarre notion! You're suggesting that sex is always good with someone new? Either your standards are very low, or you're just lucky and have never encountered a disappointing lover or bad chemistry. You know it's a touch different for us guys... right?
Owl Posted May 28, 2008 Posted May 28, 2008 Agreed. With someone new, you always have that "fight or flight" response...the "fear" of doing it right or not, compounded with the "discovery" of someone new that you've never been with before. Its not as EMOTIONALLY intense as being with a long time partner...but its PHYSICALLY more intense. I'm sure that even women experience something very similar with a new partner. I also agree with everyone else's response...why remain married if you're in an "open" relationship that also leaves the door(s) open for emotional connections with these other people as well?
OWoman Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 With someone new, you always have that "fight or flight" response...the "fear" of doing it right or not, compounded with the "discovery" of someone new that you've never been with before. Its not as EMOTIONALLY intense as being with a long time partner...but its PHYSICALLY more intense. I'm sure that even women experience something very similar with a new partner. Can't say I've ever had that kind of "fear" (performance anxiety?) but then I've never seen the need to impress a new lover. It's not a job interview. I'm also not with the "less physically intense" thing - I've had a fair amount of experience over the years, and I can honestly say that on a purely physical level, the sex with MM is the most intense, most physically edgy and most gripping of any I've had - quite aside from any emotional stuff. I'm not someone who leaps into bed with someone I've just met - I spend a long time checking them out at a distance before I pounce - so there's usually a long erotic build up, the hormones are pumping and the passion is high when it's finally consummated. So, plenty of room for disappointment, and there have been cases. And if it's not at least great, there's no round 2 for me, ever. So I'll never know if it would have gotten better, I guess. Where it was great at the outset, where the chemistry was right and the skills mix and orientation passed muster - some have gotten stale over time (and hit the history bin), some tapered off onto a plateau of being great, but no better than great (and were kept in reserve), and some just got better and better (and were kept on the A list). But where I was having great sex with someone, and someone new came along, the "great sex" didn't pale and nor did the "new sex" seem any more exciting or wonderful than it would have on its own merits. If anything, being satisfied gives a slightly jaded edge to the palate, so anyone new would have to be really special to measure up. But maybe it was different for the guys who've responded - maybe they weren't getting enough, didn't have enough partners currently, so that a new partner really was something special and different?
angie2443 Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Agreed. With someone new, you always have that "fight or flight" response...the "fear" of doing it right or not, compounded with the "discovery" of someone new that you've never been with before. Its not as EMOTIONALLY intense as being with a long time partner...but its PHYSICALLY more intense. I'm sure that even women experience something very similar with a new partner. I've never thought of it in this way before, but it makes sense. I've had those same feelings with someone new. Actually, though, I've also had them with my husband a few times. I don't know if that means anything or not.
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 29, 2008 Posted May 29, 2008 Yeah sex with someone new is rather exciting for a man. I'm a dude I should know. lol. Imagine if I was dating a woman for 3 years then she up and leaves, then there's someone else. and she's hot, got a great figure and the coochie is tight? I'm gonna be nervous , anxious, and happy like a kid on christmas day. lol.
Kenyth Posted May 30, 2008 Posted May 30, 2008 Naturally the sex was better. I fell in love with him over a period of 2 years. I work with him. He lives in NYC and I live in CA. We have a very special spiritual connection so that is why its so hard. Its as if I have known him my entire life. So right now all I can do is no contact which is hard on me. I haven't emailed or spoken to him in a week. I am concluding that its like an addiction. I've known him for 5 years now. He is one of my best friends. My husband said that anytime you make friends with the opposite sex that means trouble. So I am losing my lover as well as a friend. Truthfully, it hasn't hit me yet. I haven't mourned the loss yet, I am just going one way at a time with the no contact. In the meantime, I am giving my spouse more attention, going away together, etc. I bought him a nice Valentine. I do know that my husband worships me. We are truthfully really just good friends. The sexual chemistry has really never been there. We are just good companions. They say that good companions can make good life partners that is why its been so hard on me. He is a great guy. I just don't know how I got to this place. Okay, now the tears are starting. Thanks for caring. Some people are so judgmental. Of course people are judgemental! It's people who cause so much grief and wasted time like you that give marriage a bad name. You all have the same "constant victim" attitude and refuse to make the hard, but necessary decisions in life. Life is full of hard choices, but that doesn't mean you don't have to make them. Instead of choosing, you want to have it all, then lament the consequences that are plain as day, from day one, when they occur. If you love the OM so much, then divorce and go marry him. If you can't do that, then you have a seriously distorted view of what the relationship is or was. Soul mates wind up getting together, regardless of the obstacles. Pipe dreams fade away like your affair did. We're not trying to be mean, we're trying to SHAKE YOU AWAKE!
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