nixer Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Hello all, My ex girlfriend broke up with me just over two months ago after being going out for 8 months, it was her that chased me in the beginning and asked me out etc... as everyone said she was crazy about me and some even suggested her reason for finishing with me were for me to change my ways and get back with her as a better, more attentive boyfriend Anyway she broke up with me and for the first week i did the usual begging and pleading to no avail, i found it tough but then started to get back to normal and 3-4 weeks after the breakup started meeting other women. This did not go down to well with the ex and we parted ways on bad terms. So nearly 40 days had passed since i started No Contact and two days ago i get a text message from her just saying "hello"... I didnt reply but i cant help but think why she contacted me ?? It could be to get an ego boost, be friendly etc... but the last time we talked she asked me to delete all her contact details and she was going to delete mine... Any words of wisdom ?
catskeepmesane Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 don't do it mate. you will get 30 seconds of feeling okay, 2 weeks of feeling crap. Believe me, NC is the only way.
CaliGuy Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 don't do it mate. you will get 30 seconds of feeling okay, 2 weeks of feeling crap. Believe me, NC is the only way. Couldn't have put it better myself. Breaking NC is like doing drugs. You feel good for a little while but the repercussions last much, much longer. Don't do it.
s_n_d Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I agree with catskeepmesane and CaliGuy. Keep up the NC. Youve come too far to let it all go after she texts you saying "hello". If she has something to say, she will text you again.
EYECANDY000 Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Dont contact her! "Hello", will turn into "how r you", "and whats new"?. Then you may find out there is someone new in her life, and the pain will will start to hurt all over again..
Lee725 Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 keep up the NC, you have not come all this way to fall backwards.
Author nixer Posted February 8, 2008 Author Posted February 8, 2008 Thanks for the replies. Yeah my gut instinct straight away was not to reply, i know she is meeting other guys just like im meeting other girls so hearing it from her wouldnt be a shock. I know its wrong to second guess these forms of contact but from what i heard it sounds like she could be regreting her actions. Either way it doesnt make a difference to me as i dont want to start dating her again. And i know ye are probably thinking why am i on here posting about it if i dont want to be with her again.. the truth is that curiousty has me got as to why she texted considering she told me to delete all her contact details, when i finished with my last ex i never contacted her again.. I wouldnt mind being on "friendy" terms with the recent ex (dont mean very friendly) because we are both from a small community but i hadnt planned on talking to her for at least another 2 or 3 months...
Meaplus3 Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 Hello all, My ex girlfriend broke up with me just over two months ago after being going out for 8 months, it was her that chased me in the beginning and asked me out etc... as everyone said she was crazy about me and some even suggested her reason for finishing with me were for me to change my ways and get back with her as a better, more attentive boyfriend Anyway she broke up with me and for the first week i did the usual begging and pleading to no avail, i found it tough but then started to get back to normal and 3-4 weeks after the breakup started meeting other women. This did not go down to well with the ex and we parted ways on bad terms. So nearly 40 days had passed since i started No Contact and two days ago i get a text message from her just saying "hello"... I didnt reply but i cant help but think why she contacted me ?? It could be to get an ego boost, be friendly etc... but the last time we talked she asked me to delete all her contact details and she was going to delete mine... Any words of wisdom ? The only way to really break this off is to stick with NC.. so I would not text her back! NC in the early stage's is tough however it truely is the only way. Pat yourself on the back for beign very strong so far and sticking to it. You can do it! Stay strong! AP:)
becauseofyou Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 I agree with everyone else - stick with NC and move on. Go with your gut instinct. You sound strong about it - keep with it!!!
Jackieboy Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 I agree with everyone on this thread. DO NOT reply, you may bring a whole heap of pain down on your head, why risk it? The worst is over, NO CONTACT!
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 Do not reply! It's a trap, she's waiting to see if she has you on a string!!!
CaliGuy Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 Thanks for the replies. Yeah my gut instinct straight away was not to reply, i know she is meeting other guys just like im meeting other girls so hearing it from her wouldnt be a shock. I know its wrong to second guess these forms of contact but from what i heard it sounds like she could be regreting her actions. Either way it doesnt make a difference to me as i dont want to start dating her again. And i know ye are probably thinking why am i on here posting about it if i dont want to be with her again.. the truth is that curiousty has me got as to why she texted considering she told me to delete all her contact details, when i finished with my last ex i never contacted her again.. I wouldnt mind being on "friendy" terms with the recent ex (dont mean very friendly) because we are both from a small community but i hadnt planned on talking to her for at least another 2 or 3 months... Look at her "hello" as breadcrumbs. She's feeding you a breadcrumb to feed her ego. She wants to know that she can have you when and if she ever decides she does. You gotta ask yourself this: "Don't I respect myself enough not to fall for her tablescraps of attention?" The answer should always be yes. That is another reason we're so big on NC. It's not to punish your ex. It's mainly to help rebuild your confidence and self-esteem. Cheers.
Author nixer Posted February 13, 2008 Author Posted February 13, 2008 Well a week has past and i have heard no more from the ex, looks like her reason for contacting wasnt too important, either that or she is just been stuborn as usual, glad i never replied..
leftinthedark Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Maybe I'm missing something? Aren't most people on this board cause they want their ex back? Why so many don't replies? Maybe I missed your original thread? Do you want her back or not? She contacted you cause she misses you most likely and hasn't contacted you cause you ignored her. If you want her back you can't ignore her forever. (Obviously) I'm not sure what advice to give you cause I'm not sure if you definately don't want her back or if you do. If you definately don't want her back then you did the right thing. NC is definately the way to go. If you do want her back it wouldn't have hurt to wait a day or two and just send a cheerful hello, how are you? back. Then of course you should be friendly, cheery, don't prod or sound desperate. Don't bring up relationship stuff, if you talk on the phone keep it at 10 minutes, always end the convo first but be very friendly, happy and confident. Build a friendship with her again and take it really slow and let her be the one to take the lead but just remember to not come off desperate!
CaliGuy Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Maybe I'm missing something? Aren't most people on this board cause they want their ex back? Nope. We're just recovering and supporting each other. Why so many don't replies? Maybe I missed your original thread? Do you want her back or not? She contacted you cause she misses you most likely and hasn't contacted you cause you ignored her. If you want her back you can't ignore her forever. (Obviously) I'm not sure what advice to give you cause I'm not sure if you definately don't want her back or if you do. If you definately don't want her back then you did the right thing. NC is definately the way to go. If you do want her back it wouldn't have hurt to wait a day or two and just send a cheerful hello, how are you? back. Then of course you should be friendly, cheery, don't prod or sound desperate. Don't bring up relationship stuff, if you talk on the phone keep it at 10 minutes, always end the convo first but be very friendly, happy and confident. Build a friendship with her again and take it really slow and let her be the one to take the lead but just remember to not come off desperate! Because pursuing someone who doesn't want to be with you is the quickest way to lose all self esteem and only serves to push your ex even farther away from you.
leftinthedark Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 But I didn't say to persue her. She contacted him. If you want someone back and they are persuing you, it's ok to respond back with a hello to open the door to communication. If she keeps contacting him and he keeps slamming the door in her face, eventually she will not try again.
Author nixer Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 I did want her back in the beginning but after having so long to think about it i realise that us finishing was for the best. I didnt want to reply to her message as i thought she was trying to see if she still had a hold on me and give herself an ego boost and plus by sending a message that just said "hello" after a rough break up was pretty lame in my opinion, its like she put no thought or anything into sending it.
CaliGuy Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 But I didn't say to persue her. She contacted him. If you want someone back and they are persuing you, it's ok to respond back with a hello to open the door to communication. If she keeps contacting him and he keeps slamming the door in her face, eventually she will not try again. She was fishing to make sure he was still hung up on her. Her message was vague and to a degree, insulting. She's not saying "Hey, I'm sorry, I really messed up and want you back." Until she says those words any type of vague fishing such as this SHOULD be ignored. It doesn't warrant nor deserve a reply. He's got a life and is busy and by following NC he can show her that and prove to himself he doesn't need her.
Author nixer Posted February 15, 2008 Author Posted February 15, 2008 The thing that is bothering me with her contacting me out of the blue is the fact that she supposedly started meeting a new guy 1 month after we broke up, now i have no prob with this as i was the one who met someone new first but why would she text me if she has a new guy ?? I was meeting a girl and the thoughts of texting the ex never entered my mind.. When i was with her she use to text/ring me all day everyday and never had time for any other lad.. everyone use to say, even her mates, that she was mad about me. I just cant make her out... Just saying "hello" is a typical message that she would send but why send it after nearly 40 days of NC.. I wish she never sent it because i was doing fine up untill she did, now all i can think is why did she send it ? what is she thinking ?, is she missing me ? etc.. Just to confirm, i dont want to go back out with this girl, maybe 4 years down the road when she has matured a bit and if we are both single but for now us been apart is the best as neither of us want to get into a serious relationship. But saying that i dont want her thinking i am a prick because we live in a small community so its only a matter of time before we bump into each other.. What should i do ?
CaliGuy Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 What should i do ? Ignore it and move on with your life. She's not asking for you back, you don't want her back. So why fret over things you have no control over? That would be illogical.
Miyamoto Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 DO NOTHING. Everyone is right who's telling you she's fishing. She doesn't respect you. Let me give you the perspective of the DUMPER. I dumped my ex because I wasn't ready for a relationship. I freaked after 9 months. I still love her and miss her, however, I WILL NOT contact her because unless the first words out of my mouth are "I love you, I'm sorry, and I want us to be together," I have no right. I respect her too much to put her on a leash. Anything your ex says besides "I love you, I'm sorry, and I want us to be together," like CaliGuy said, is disrespect. Leash Theory. Your ex is unsure of herself, like me, and wants to keep you on a leash so she'll have choices. It's a selfish, callous, cruel thing to do, but she can only do it if you let her. I repeat: DO NOTHING. AND GO GET LAID.
bustertypsy Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 This is great advice............I completely agree!!
Recommended Posts