micahmo77 Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Just curious if anyone else has read blase harris book "How To Get Your Lover Back". I just bought it and so far seems to be pretty interesting. Has anyone else read this or had any success with what he teaches? Or maybe any other books or web sites that have been helpful to you and your relationship issues?
eagle5 Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I've looked alot into that, some good reports some bad but at the back of my mind something's saying just let go and don't try it. If she comes back it would be the best thing in the world of course but would it be for the right reasons because I used some techniques from a book. I don't know it's tempting but then it breaks the NC rule too and that could be a real set back if it doesn't work. I'm reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, it's about thinking in the present instead of the past or the future, some quite good tips in there..
prisonbreak Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 I haven't heard of that one. Please share any good info/tips! I read "Getting back together", but it didn't seem too helpful. One thing many of the couples said after they reconiled was, they wish they would have spent a longer time apart before getting back together. I thought that was interesting.
prisonbreak Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Eagle, your right about being in the "now", my therapist (yeah I admit, I go to one) is a firm believer of practicing the power of now. It's hard though!!!!!!! But it's true, there is no present in the past. And just think of how much it steals from the current moment. I spent 2 yrs with my ex, Im not going to let him take anymore of my time.
eagle5 Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 That sounds like you've got a very good therapist prisonbreak, I think the idea of now works, like you say it's v hard to do constantly but everything in the past is just our memory, nothing more so it's our own minds that keep upsetting us.......wierd concept but very true. Any more good reads out there anyone???
dfreeman Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Eagle, your right about being in the "now", my therapist (yeah I admit, I go to one) is a firm believer of practicing the power of now. It's hard though!!!!!!! But it's true, there is no present in the past. And just think of how much it steals from the current moment. I spent 2 yrs with my ex, Im not going to let him take anymore of my time. Your therapist is right f'n on! Although my break is probably too recent to master "living in the now", the little bit of this that I have done has really payed off. It has helped me hit the gym for myself because I look and feel better NOW (I started my workouts to forget about her and the past). It has helped me get out with friends and enjoy myself in the evenings instead of staying home and worrying about what I have lost. It has helped me put NC into proper perspective - before I found LS, I honestly was trying to "use" NC as a way to control how my ex would think of me in the future. Thank your therapist for me PB - I am going to try to pay more attention to this line of thinking and see if I can start to feel better about my current life outside of the bad relationship I was just in!
prisonbreak Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 How is that book coming? I researched it a little, it sounds like the things he recommends doing are if you messed up in some way. From the sounds of things, you didn't do anything wrong. Just a side note (coming from a girl), I think sending flowers are cheesy. So don't do that.
Author micahmo77 Posted February 8, 2008 Author Posted February 8, 2008 Hey prison, well I actually think I might have pushed her to this point in a way. I know its not all my fault, cheating dosent excuse anything I know. However in her brain I think she was trying to get over me awhile ago. When I did find out about everything I did the whole pathetic begging, crying thing which pushes someone away and makes you look weak. I also busted her and that guy out, didnt make a huge scene but im sure she thinks I hate her. I dont hate her, actually I love her with all my heart. I dont want her to think cheating is acceptable but I still feel that I could forgive her. I dont want her to think im some pathetic guy that she can walk all over, thats why im trying the NC thing. The book seems to show how you can come back with a different approach at getting an ex back. Guess its worth a try.
prisonbreak Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 Well keep me posted on what you decide to do.
JimMorrison Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 It looks like a good book. I think that what he says holds truth, and he says its ultimately up to the other person to come back. This book shows you a fair and balanced way to look at things, and outlines mistakes you should not make, as well as to send a light hearted card once in awhile. It might help some to get her back, as it tells you the do's and don'ts, but you should read other books, like the 5 love languages, to help your view on what went wrong, in addition to initial NC for awhile. It doesn't gaurantee anything but its a good start if you are clueless and are making mistakes left and right.
mistie03 Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 I am living in the now. I just ordered the book, "Men Who Can't Love". My reason for getting the book is to not repeat the same mistakes again. I just ended a 7 year relationship with a guy that was part of my life, but never fully let me into his. There were a lot of times when he would disappear and not allow me to question him about it. I got tired of it and decided I would rather be single than put up with it. I am working out, I am joining a local club that serves the community and I am actively looking for other outlets that I think will enrich my life. I'm trying to make '08 a lot better than the nightmare that '07 was. I'm moving on!
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